Tuesday, October 14, 2014

This Will Be Our Freshman Year

This will be our freshman year

When we go in the wrong classroom
And meet people for the first time

Delighted and frustrated
At how little we know
About everything

We will throw ourselves into mistakes
Wrap our arms around the necks of them
Kiss them on both cheeks
And declare ourselves to them

‘Why hello there!
We are the Freshman
We make Mistakes’

We look forward to trying things
Anything’s and everything’s
Traveling to places we shouldn’t go
Peering into places that are off-limits
Trying to jump the line
So we can see what it’s like
To be older, wiser, further along

Arriving late only to have someone say
Well that’s okay
You’re freshmen

We will carry too many books
Not knowing how to condense
How to organize and re-organize
Select, edit, delegate
Appoint, accommodate, balance
Juggle, jiggle, multi-task

We don’t want to though
We want it all
All the books
All the notebooks
The paper, the pencils
The journals we’ll never write it
The organizers we’ll never use
The calendars filled with boxes
With absolutely nothing in them
Surrounding us
Giant piles on our desks
With us wondering if this will keep out
Or scary away
The people who would pile on
Even more

Paper is a funny thing
On paper our lives look like one thing
And in reality they are—
Something else entirely

We will kiss anyone
Without regard
To whether or not
We should be kissing them

Descriptions and qualifiers
That should result in determinations
About who and who not to love
Will be cast aside
In favor of

--Spontaneity

After all
It’s just a kiss

This will be the year we act like people out of poetry
Out of song lyrics
Out of short stories written by people
Who were freshmen once
And would love to be freshmen again

We will not let this time slip by
We will not fail to be in our moments
Fully realized
Non-abbreviated
Stretching ourselves too thin
To cover and collect
All the things
We might forget

We will take on too much
We will attend every event
Every birthday, every just-for-the-heck-of-it gathering
And get-together

We will lose touch with no one
We will be the best friends
The best sons and daughters
The best students
The extra-curricular extraordinaires
The mold-breaking models
The perfect people

We will be perfect

We will high five and parade around
And flaunt and brandish and flourish
Showcase, display, broadcast, expose too much
Feel—too much
Cry at will
Lose all limits
Laugh at everything

Loud laughter
That shakes our entire bodies
And annoys everyone around us
Who look and say—

Ugh, freshmen

And then…

One night…

We will stay up too late

Flying by deadlines
Not committing
Not sure which way we’re going
Not trusting
The certainty we were so certain of

One or two of us will drop
Off
Out
Of sight

We’ll lose a few
Along the way
And remember—

Oh yes
This is, like other things,
A journey
And some simply will not
Make it

Four years from now
We will see ourselves differently

The people we are now
Being judged by
The people we will become

Why did I do that, say that, wear that
Talk that way, use that word, eat so much
Tell stupid jokes, stay up so late
Not
Get
Started
Sooner

Why was I friends with him, her, them
Those other people
Who were just like me

But that’s ahead of us
That’s not today

Today, you see
Is a starting day

We’ll keep the regret
Four years
At bay

Today I met you
And shook your hand
And felt good knowing
That this will be
Our freshman year

For even fourteen years past fourteen
You can start something
You can start out
You can begin

This is who I am now
Who knows who I’ll become?

When you’re younger you just want to know what’s going to happen
How it’s going to end

But when you’re older you want to know that it isn’t over yet
That you still have a chance
To start over
To begin again

And say—

Who knows?

This might be
My freshman year