Wear Her Down

Okay, so you want me to talk about

That thing we were talking about before?

Yeah, I mean

It’s happened to me too

Or, like, I know someone

Who has a story like that so--

But, for the sake of, like, the show

We should probably--

Okay, so I have this girlfriend

And she--

She’s married now

She just got married, actually

To this guy

And, um, their story

Of, like, how they met

Is that--

She’s like--

Oh, we met and I really wasn’t into him

And then, he, like, showed up at my job

And kept bothering me

And really wore me down

And that just sort of did the trick

And she does say did the trick

Like, that’s not me paraphrasing or anything

She actually says did the trick

Um, and, you know

I’m very pro-women

I’m a feminist

And I believe that you can like

Whoever you want to like

And if you don’t like someone

You’re entitled--really, truly

To change your mind about that

But, um, what I want to say to her

My friend

And I haven’t

I haven’t said this

But

What I want to say to my friend is--

Please don’t tell that fucking story to anyone

Because, um

Your husband?
Fucking harassed you

Like, that’s what he did

And, um, you don’t want to tell other people

That that worked

Because what you’re doing

Is giving other guys

This, fucking, false hope or whatever

Or permission, I guess

That they can do it too

That, like, you can wear a girl down

Like, that’s partly where they’re getting this shit from

From women like my friend

And I’m not blaming women, obviously

But you said you have a story like that too

Your cousin or whatever?

Yeah, so, like

That’s a problem

That’s a big fucking problem

And--

Oh god, I would get in so much trouble

If I ever said this to my friend, but like--

She probably only likes him

Because--

Because this is how we’re trained to be

Women

You know?

In some respect

Like, a guy wants us

And we don’t like him

But, like, what right do we have

Not to like him, right?

Right?

So, like, instead

We let ourselves

Be worn down

And believe me

I feel that

I feel--I empathize

With a woman

When I hear she’s worn down

But, like, how fucked up is it

That we are now adopting that

That story of being worn down

As a fucking meet-cute?

Like, that is deeply upsetting to me

It should be

It should really be upsetting to everyone

Because men don’t get worn down

Most of them

Pretty much all of them

If they look at a woman

And they’re like--

Nope, not attracted to her

That doesn’t change

Unless the woman changes

But women?

Women look at a guy and go--

Yeah, no thanks

And we’re told to look again

And again

And again

Until we want that guy

Until we come around

Right?

That’s every fucking movie

Every teen movie

Girl looks at guy

Isn’t interested

And changes her fucking mind

It’s fucking pitiful

And these guys

These teenagers

Who watch these fucking movies

They think--

Oh, that’s the trick

Just wait her out

She’ll change her mind

The fucking supermodel will fall in love with me

The loser asshole who has nothing going for him

Because I’m nice

And, like, most of them aren’t even fucking nice

And they smell

And they don’t deserve whatever poor supermodel actress

Is playing the lead role

And I’m fine saying that

I’m just fine with it

I hope some woman

In the audience
Watching this

Is with a guy

Who fucking wore her down

And she hears this

And remembers

That she was never really into that guy

And that she doesn’t need to be into him now

And I hope she fucking leaves his ass

As soon as your show or whatever is done

That’s what I want

You tell me that happened

And I’ll be so happy

I agreed to do this

For you

Play Penny Lover

Play Penny Lover for me

You know, when your mom and I finally decided to get hitched

We had already broken up three times

And then one day

We’re at this wedding

With other people

And there was this balcony--

The wedding was at this country club

And the reception was on the second floor

With this balcony you could--

Well, you get the idea

Your mom was out there on the balcony

And Penny Lover comes on

She’s in this blue dress

And she turns around

And it was like slow motion

Like something out of a movie

I’m all the way across the room

And the bozo she brought

Is drunk at the bar

Hitting on my date

And I didn’t give a damn about either of them

I didn’t give a damn about anything

But getting your mom to come dance with me

So I walk all the way across the room

And by the time I get to the balcony

The song’s halfway over

And your mom’s nowhere to be found

Now, I don’t know what came over me

But in that moment
I just...I gave up

I started to walk out

And right at the moment

The song--I swear to god

The song started over

From the beginning

And I heard somebody go--

Hey

I turn around

And there’s your mother

But she’s not in a blue dress

She’s--

She’s in a green dress

Still looking sexy as hell

But--oh stop

You know your mom’s a good-looking woman

Always has been too

But the dress was different

And I say to her--

Was that you out on the balcony?

And she says--

What are you talking about?

Because there’s no balcony

In that moment

I realized--

There’s no balcony

But I saw what I saw

And looking back

I know what it was

It was the future

It was this moment

Standing here

With you

Getting ready to walk you down the aisle

Second wedding means

You got a blue dress on

Well--that’s all right

You don’t always get it right the first time

And guess what?

It doesn’t mean a damn thing

You get it wrong

More than you get it right

But sometimes

If you’re lucky

The song starts over

And when it does

You get to dance

With the person

Who’s going to change your life

And make it better

Until it all goes to hell again

But you’re not thinking about that, right?

You’re just thinking about dancing

And what comes after the dancing

And if the music’s good

If they’re playing Penny Lover

Then maybe you’ll say

To hell with what comes after

Maybe you’ll just keep dancing

For as long

As you can

A Pretty Good Place to Lose Your Mind

You know, it’s a pretty good place

To lose your mind

What’s the point

Of sitting in an empty room

If you don’t start to

Figure out

Why god put you

In that room

In the first place?

What do you think?

You think you’re going out the door?

There is no door

There are no windows

There is no hole in the floor

You can crawl through

To get to

The basement

Or a ladder

That’ll take you

To the attic

To some magical attic

Where you can rest up

Where you, my friend

Are entitled

To rest

You can’t have anything

You can’t have food

You can’t have a bed

You can’t have a stitch of clothing

Or a reason to leave this room

So you just rock

Where you are

You just

Rock, rock, rock

And let the rhythm of that rocking

Tell you where it is

You belong

There are empty rooms

All over this world

With people in them

Just like you

You--

You think you’re better?

You think you’re better

Than an empty room?

You think you’re owed

Peace of mind?

You think there’s a reason

For any of this?

There are no reasons

In the dark

There’s writing on the floor

And the walls have faces on them

One wrong eye here

One busted lip there

Who left you here, huh?

Who put you down

And didn’t come back?

The room’s not big, is it?

It’s funny how

You could’ve wound up

In any place

In any place you wanted

And for whatever reason

You wound up here

That’s because

This is where you go

To lose your mind

And as far as that goes

It ain’t half bad

What you lose in the dark

You can’t see run away

So why not lose it all?

Why not let it go

Gracefully

When the time comes

To blend in

With the wallpaper?

The more you fight

The smaller the room gets

Until one day

It’s not a room

But a coffin

With dirt staining

The cracks

Where the nails went in

Coffins aren’t just for dead people anymore, you know

Sometimes

It’s the only place

You can get some rest

People with their minds intact

Are always running tired

And people who sit

In the center of a room

And let their mind expire?

They’re just running

They just run

And run

And run