And Now She's Making More Than Him

She tried not to make more

But they kept promoting her

Because it’s not like she could, you know

Just stop going to work

Or like, stop doing a good job

There was an effort made

To maybe do less

Or work slower

But honestly?

That place is such a disaster

That even at her slowest pace

And her least enthusiastic

She was still the best worker there

By a country mile

So she got promoted

And now she’s making more than him

So he brought it up

He brought it up first

Which is just how he is

He likes to address things

Right away

Not let them sit there

He was like--

‘What are we going to do about this?’

And she was like--

‘I guess I could give some of the money back to them?’

But neither one of them knew

If this was allowed

She thought about quitting

But they needed the second income

In fact, and this is the ironic bit

They really really needed

To be making more money

But the expectation was that

He would be making more money

At some point

And it was reasonable to think he could

Because he’s also a hard worker

He’s just not that smart

And even when he works really hard

Like, twice as hard as she works

He just doesn’t get as much done

And so, a promotion wasn’t look like something

That was going to be coming up anytime soon

But, like, it was still reasonable

To think that maybe

Someday

It could happen

But now she was making more

Which was going to tank his confidence

And, ugh, like, what now, you know?

How was he supposed to go to work everyday

Knowing that across town

She was walking around

Making more than him?

They sat up all night

With the tv on

But the volume down

Trying to figure it all out

She could go to her boss

And ask to have the promotion taken away

But that might seem ungrateful

Or just downright crazy

And anyway

Her boss would ask why

And she’d have to tell her

That she didn’t want to make

More than her husband

And her boss would never understand that

Because she’s on her third marriage

So clearly, they dynamics of matrimony

Is not something she’s mastered

Or is sensitive to

She thinks about just burning the extra cash

In the backyard

Once a week

But there are probably neighborhood regulations against that

The same way you’re not allowed

To burn leaves

Finally, it’s agreed that the best course of action

Is for her to put the extra cash in an envelope

With his name on it

And leave it under the doormat

He’ll come home

Pick it up

Open it

And enter the house saying--

‘Look, honey, I made us this extra money this week’

And she would accept the money

Looking so so grateful to him

And that way

There wouldn’t be any tension

Or discomfort

It was a troublesome plan in some ways

What if the money got stolen

Before he could come home from work?

But it was all they could think of

In the name of staying married

That’s the thing about marriage

And marital problems

There are rarely

Good solutions

And very rarely

Does everybody

Wind up

Happy