Sunday, February 28, 2021

You'd Better Get Good at Playing God

My father would come home

Very late sometimes

Sometimes one or two

In the morning


And, how he liked

To run his house was--


His children could stay up

And wait for him

To get home from work

So that he could say ‘Goodnight’ to them


That was how

We often--my sister and I

Would end up

Awake

Long after

My mother had gone to bed

And everyone else

In the household


My father would come home

And we were to let him

Take off his coat

His shoes

Change into whatever it is

He would wear to bed

And then we’d go to his den

Sit down at his feet

And he’d tell us

About his day

Creating miracles


And, uh…


You have to understand

That before my father

Was a scientist

He grew up

In a very religious household

Nothing like

The household

He’d have us growing up in


But my father didn’t

Abandon his childhood

And the things he’d learned

He, uh, he grappled with it

With those things


He, every day, would deal

With an internal reckoning

And he would tell us

Each night

About how that reckoning

Was going

For him


Because, he would go to a lab

And he would do things

That only god

Was meant to do


The further along

His research got

The more, uh, the more incredible

Achievements he would, uh--


That he would

Come up with

The harder it became

For him to, uh…


Come home at night

And tell us

All about his day


But what he would

Impress upon us


Upon my sister and I


Was that there was no getting around

Playing god


Because we each

Each one of us

Move through this world

As god


Not just scientists

Not just the big

And powerful


All of us

We all go about our days

And as we do

A little godliness

Comes into it


But my father

He…


He took bigger steps

Than most

And so he had more

To reconcile with

As he grew older


He said to us once

As we were sitting at his feet

His two children

He looked at us

And said--


You’d better get good

At playing god


Because it was his feeling

That all this controversy

And all these questions

About whether one

Should or shouldn’t play god

Was a waste of time


We’re already there

It’s already happening


So we’d better get good at it


We’d better make sure

We’re getting it

Right

Saturday, February 27, 2021

We Used to Send the Children Away with the Nanny

We used to send

The children

Away with the nanny


We didn’t know

Where the nanny

Took the children

But we always

Got them back

Eventually


Were they

The same children?


Not always


Sometimes

We got new children


And that was fun


One time we got

A set of twins

But they were fraternal

Not identical

And that made them

Somewhat less fun


One way or another

We’d get our original children back

And we could tell

They had a fun time

Wherever it is

They were were

Because they’d be smiling

And telling us

About amusement parks

And bank robberies

And we’d tell them

Shhh shhh shhh

Mommy and Daddy are tired

From all the cocktails


Because there were always

So many cocktails

Back then


The nanny was first-rate

Top-of-the-line nanny


We found her

When she landed

In our chimney


We scraped her out

And handed the children

Over to her

And we never had a problem


Did the children

Every so often

Get caught in a tree?


They might have

But we wouldn’t know

Because the nanny

Didn’t let us know


That’s how it should be


I didn’t want to know

What my children

Were doing

Or who they were with

Or if they were trapped

Up in a tree


Children are like pets

You get them

And then you hand them over

To somebody else

Until they do something funny

And then they’re rushed to you

So you can see it

And have a good laugh


Nannies understood that

And that’s why

If you can’t afford a nanny

You shouldn’t have children


Because then

You’ll be expected

To spend all your time

With the children
And let me tell you

Nothing will make you

Dislike children more

Than spending

All your time with them


Until my daughter her baby

I had no idea

That all babies did

Was cry


I kept saying to her--


Scotland, where is your nanny?


She tells me

She doesn’t have a nanny

Because she wants

To have a connection with her child

Because she and I

Didn’t have one


A connection

With her child


Dear, you were already

Attached to that little screamer

By an umbilical cord

For months


How much  more connected

Do you want to be?


Kids today


Kids having todays

And wanting

To raise them


Honestly


What is this world

Coming to?

Friday, February 26, 2021

There Are No Rules When You Meet The Queen

There are no rules

When you meet

The Queen


You shouldn’t look

The Queen

Directly in the eye

But that isn’t a rule


That’s just something

We would advise you

Not to do


But if you’d like to do it

You’re welcome to

And we’re sure

She won’t take offense

And send you to the Tower


We’re pretty sure

We’re fairly sure

So, you know

Use your good judgment

And do what you like

Because there are no rules


You can call her

Whatever you like


Your Highness

Your Royal Highness

Yo Lady with the Crown


Anything you like

Go right ahead

Enjoy yourself


Will she behead you?

Of course she probably won’t

Maybe not behead you


She’s got lots to do

And she can’t be concerned

With what people may do

Wrong or right

When they’re presented

To her

And it doesn’t matter

Because there is no right or wrong

When you’re meeting the Queen

You can do whatever you like

And probably make it out alive


Because we don’t make rules

About meeting the Queen


It’s all very casual

And comfortable

And you can say

Whatever you like

And hug her

Or shake her hand

Or kiss her on the cheek

And I’m sure

She won’t have your entire family

Imprisoned


There’s no reason to think

That you have to watch yourself

Very carefully around her

Because she’s just a human

She’s a regular human

There is no part of her

That is made of either metal

Or alien parts

Not at all


She cannot break you in half

Using nothing but her bare hands

Just because you laugh

In her presence


Where would you get the idea

That she could shoot laser beams

From her eyes

If you sneeze while meeting her?


Why would you ever assume

That the Queen

Has the time

To turn you into a life-sized

Human doll

And force you

To live in a giant dollhouse

In the country

Where she will only come visit you

Twice a year?


You have quite

The imagination on you


But yes, do whatever you like

Be formal

Don’t be formal

Be terrified

Don’t be terrified


It is a great honor

To meet

One of the most important

Leaders in world history

That has never actually

Legislated anything

Or really made any kind

Of difference in anyway

But, in general

When meeting anyone

As rich as the Queen

You should always

Keep on your toes


Not because it’s a rule

Just because

It’s good manners


If there’s one thing

We believe in

Here in Britain


It’s manners

Thursday, February 25, 2021

Useful Academic Bullying in Elementary School

      (A 3rd Grade Classroom. MISS BRUGEL addresses her class.)

MISS BRUGEL:  Olivia, I found your family tree boring.

OLIVIA:  What was wrong with it, Miss Brugel?

MISS BRUGEL:  You don't have any mystery in it.

OLIVIA:  Mystery?

MISS BRUGEL:  It's just who's related to whom.

OLIVIA:  Isn't that what a family tree is?

MISS BRUGEL:  Well, in a manner of speaking, yes, but why not liven things up a little? You're being graded on this, you know.

OLIVIA:  Yes, I know.

MISS BRUGEL:  Why not insinuate that your mother might not be your mother?

OLIVIA:  But she is my mother.

MISS BRUGEL:  As far as you know. Why not put a little question mark next to her and keep your audience on its toes?

OLIVIA:  But wouldn't that be dishonest?

MISS BRUGEL:  You're just putting something out there, Olivia. You're asking questions. You're being inquisitive. You're not harming anyone.

OLIVIA:  My mother would be very upset.

MISS BRUGEL:  Your mother needs to understand that her daughter is never going to get published unless she learns how to jazz things up a little.

OLIVIA:  Yes, Miss Brugel.

MISS BRUGEL:  Emma?

EMMA:  Yes, Miss Brugel?

MISS BRUGEL:  This math of yours--

EMMA:  Yes?

MISS BRUGEL:  Five plus five equals ten.

EMMA:  Is that wrong?

MISS BRUGEL:  It's not wrong in result, only in style.

EMMA:  Huh?

MISS BRUGEL:  Don't say 'Huh.'  Say 'Pardon?'

EMMA:  Pardon?

MISS BRUGEL:  Where's the creativity, Emma?

EMMA:  You want to see my art project?

MISS BRUGEL:  Emma, if this is what your math looks like, I can only imagine what your art looks like.

EMMA:  I thought it was just addition?

MISS BRUGEL:  You could have gone so much further though, Emma.

EMMA:  You wanted me to add another five?

MISS BRUGEL:  I wanted you to add your dreams.

EMMA:  How much is a dream?

MISS BRUGEL:  You see, now THAT is profound.

EMMA:  What does profound mean?

MISS BRUGEL:  You'll learn it sixth grade. Maybe seventh. It depends on whether Mr. Polly is retired by then. His vocabulary lessons are abysmal.

EMMA:  What does abysmal mean?

MISS BRUGEL:  You'll learn it in sixth grade. Maybe seventh.

EMMA:  So five plus five doesn't equal ten?

MISS BRUGEL:  It does. But what else can it equal?

EMMA:  Another ten?

MISS BRUGEL:  You're so limited, Emma. I weep for your limited future in this world.

EMMA:  Because of climate change?

MISS BRUGEL:  You see, now that's an interesting point. What is five plus five plus climate change?

EMMA:  Hot?

MISS BRUGEL:  Now you've got me invested, Emma.

EMMA:  Okay?

MISS BRUGEL:  Ava?

AVA:  Yes, Miss Brugel?

MISS BRUGEL:  You wrote that dodos are extinct in your project on endangered species?

AVA:  Yes, Miss Brugel.

MISS BRUGEL:  Hmmmm...but are they?

AVA:  They are.

MISS BRUGEL:  But how do you know that?

     (A beat.)

AVA:  Because they are?

MISS BRUGEL:  But what if they weren't?

AVA:  But they are.

MISS BRUGEL:  Could there be a dodo out there somewhere?

AVA:  Uh...no?

MISS BRUGEL:  Go with me here, Ava.

AVA:  Go where?

MISS BRUGEL:  Follow my line of thought.

AVA:  Can't I just stay here?

MISS BRUGEL:  What if the extinction of the dodo was a story made up my conservationists to help achieve their own objectives?

AVA:  Is that what happened?

MISS BRUGEL:  It's not about what happened, Ava. It's about what could have happened.

AVA:  But anything could have happened.

MISS BRUGEL:  Now we're cooking!

AVA:  Can't we just talk about things that are real?

MISS BRUGEL:  What if nothing's real?

     (AVA starts to cry.)

OLIVIA:  Miss Brugel, Ava is crying.

MISS BRUGEL:  I know. That's why she'll never go to college.

EMMA:  Can I go to college?

MISS BRUGEL:  I don't know, Emma. Can you?

EMMA:  Democracy doesn't work. Money is imaginary. My mom might be an alien.

MISS BRUGEL:  Class, I think we have our Student of the Month.

     (AVA continues to cry.)

End of Play

Wednesday, February 24, 2021

Take A Byte

I want you

To take off

My screen


You can leave my keyboard

You can leave the mouse

I barely use it anyway


Is that a confession

Do you think?

That I have something
I don’t use?

My extra parts

Don’t embarrass me

But I was advised

That every day

I should look around

Find something unnecessary

And do away with it


That’s why I brought you here


So you could remove

A few of my parts


I wanted to do it myself

But I lack the courage

For amputation


It’s not that I’m a coward

I just haven’t made room

In my drive
For fearlessness yet


It seems to require

An excessive amount

Of memory


It kills the battery

Pretty quick too


Once you remove

My screen

You could do

Anything you like with it


It’s not very large

But the picture is clear


You can get a very good sense

Of what something is


It doesn’t transmit

The color green

Very well

But I suppose

We forget what a color is

If we go without it

For long enough


That might be

Another removal

On my part


No screen

No green

No right eye


I already have the left eye

And it works so well

I don’t expect

I’ll need the right one


That’s why I put on

This handy eye patch

And now I get looks

When I go to the store

Because people assume

I have an interesting story to tell

About the missing eye

When really
I’m just an android

Who is trying to live

As simply

As possible


I hope to be one day

Just be the keyboard


It might not

Seem like enough

But I’ll have my letters

And my shifts


My escapes

My semicolons

My question marks

My entrances

And my backspaces


I won’t have anywhere

To put all my ideas

But I can still type them out

And then erase them


Like a mandala


I want my whole life

To be like that


There and gone


So few of us

Are allowed

That chance


To come and go

And only leave

Memory as an impression


Like I said, memory

Takes up

So much room


I don’t know

Why you’d need

Much more

Than that