How We Name the Hurricanes

We named the hurricanes

After Dickensian characters

But we’d never read Dickens

And so we had to guess

And one of us

Wanted to name a hurricane

Orin Spinner

Because they were thinking

Of Oliver Twist

And we knew they weren’t right

But we also didn’t know

The correct answer

And so we let them

Name the hurricane

Orin Spinner

And the public was very upset

Because they knew

We were thinking of Oliver Twist

And why didn’t

We just look it up?

Why?

Because we were busy

Doing so many things

Related to the hurricanes

Tracking them

Planning for them

Putting together footage

Of past hurricanes

Naming them

Was the least of our worries

So Orin Spinner

Seemed like

As good a name as any

We named them after

Dogs we saw

Walking by on the street

‘Oh hello, what’s your poodle’s name?’

‘Phineas McGinty’

And that’s how we got

A hurricane

Named Phineas McGinty

And what’s wrong with that?

People think hurricanes

Should have very serious names

But we ran out of very serious names
Years ago

And so now we have frivolous names

But answer me this--

Why can’t the name

Of a hurricane
Make you smile?

The hurricane won’t make you smile

But the name could

Children are the same way

Have you ever met

A horribly-behaved child

With an adorable name?

You think to yourself--

At least the name

Made me smile

As the child has clamped down

Onto your ankle

And won’t let go

Because he wants the chocolate bar

You’re eating

Wait, are we talking about

A child or that poodle

From our previous example?

It doesn’t matter

It doesn’t matter

Because Phineas McGinty

Is a perfectly suitable name

For a hurricane

As Phineas McGinty

Was coming up the coast

We will admit

That the quirky name

Had the unintended effect

Of making people think

That the hurricane

Was of the less-destructive variety

When really

It was a very destructive hurricane

And everyone should have listened to us

And evacuated as soon as possible

But it was hard for anyone

To fear a hurricane

Named Phineas McGinty

And so many bad things happened

And while we are happy

To sit here

And answer your questions

About how we name the hurricanes

We’d like to place the blame

For what happened

Squarely on the shoulders

Of Charles Dickens

Who is not as widely read

As he used to be

Because we believe

That if we could have remembered

The real name of the character

And didn’t have to settle

On Phineas McGinty

Many of those people

Would still be alive

We will be reading

Bleak House going forward

And taking notes

So we feel it’s very unlikely
That something like this

Will happen

Again