(CARA is on the phone.)
CARA: Yeah, Saturday sounds great. I should be home from my nephew's birthday party by three, and then I can just meet you all at seven?
(SATURDAY CARA barges into the room.)
S. CARA: Put down the phone.
CARA: Oh my god, who are you?
S. CARA: I'm you. From Saturday. They invited time travel on Friday and I traveled back to Monday to warn you about making plans on Saturday.
CARA: Why?
S. CARA: Because I really don't want to go out with Lexi and Nat on Saturday.
CARA: Lexi, hang on a sec--Look, I definitely want to go out Saturday night. I haven't gone out in weeks. I'm going to want to let off some steam.
S. CARA: You think that now, but I promise you, you are not going to feel that way when Saturday rolls around.
CARA: What am I going to want to do instead?
S. CARA: Watch reruns of Frasier.
CARA: Why would I do that?
S. CARA: I know it doesn't make sense now, but at some point this week, you're going to put on the first episode of Frasier on a whim, and then get really invested in it for some reason.
CARA: But I can watch Frasier anytime. That doesn't have to derail my entire Saturday.
S. CARA: Oh, it won't.
CARA: Great.
S. CARA: It's going to derail your whole weekend.
CARA: What?
S. CARA: Plus, they're saying it's going to snow on Saturday.
CARA: Well, I guess that would be a good reason to stay home.
S. CARA: Right. I mean, it doesn't snow--
CARA: So then I can go out?
S. CARA: But at that point, you'll have already started looking forward to it snowing so you can cancel and then you end up cancelling anyway.
CARA: That's terrible!
S. CARA: And you tell Lexi and Nat that you feel terrible about it.
CARA: Well, that's good at least.
S. CARA: You don't really feel terrible about it.
CARA: Oh my god. I'm a terrible person.
S. CARA: No! Saturday You is a terrible person. Monday you is just a...really ambitious and optimistic person. But I'm Saturday You and I'm here to ask Monday You to stop setting me up for failure. You've got stop making plans so far in advance. So much can happen between Monday and Saturday. They invented time travel. Tomatoes went extinct. Lindsay Lohan made a comeback, but only a music one, not a movie one.
CARA: So I can't ever go out again?
S. CARA: No, I'm not saying that. It's just better if you make plans the day of.
CARA: But those people are awful!
S. CARA: Yeah, and even then, you'd still flake thirty percent of the time.
CARA: I'm a flake!
S. CARA: You just really like being home and you don't like people very much. Or doing things. So you're not a flake so much as you're a hermit. A really lazy hermit.
CARA: I'm going out on Saturday. I'll trick myself into it. I'll mail somebody a hundred dollar bill and tell them to keep it if I don't go out on Saturday.
S. CARA: Yeah...
CARA: I did that, didn't I?
S. CARA: Yes.
CARA: I gave up the hundred just so I can stay home, didn't I?
S. CARA: Well...
CARA: I can't afford that!
S. CARA: I think you're underestimating how bad Saturday You does not want to put on make-up.
CARA: You know what? I blame you for this.
S. CARA: I mean, I'm still a version of you!
CARA: You need to do better.
S. CARA: I'm trying!
CARA: Are you?
S. CARA: Not really.
CARA: There is no reason I can't go out.
S. CARA: You're so tired.
CARA: How? I have nothing to do on Saturday.
S. CARA: Did you not hear yourself on the phone just now? You have your nephew's birthday party.
CARA: He's two. It's going to be an hour long. I'm going to hand my sister the gift, eat a piece of cake, leave a lipstick mark on my nephew's head like the weird aunt I am, and then go home.
S. CARA: And I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but having done it--
CARA: Listen to me. I am Monday You and I am telling you that you meaning me are going out on Saturday night.
S. CARA: Or...you could go.
CARA: That's what I mean. I'm going.
S. CARA: No, I mean, you could go now.
CARA: How?
S. CARA: I'll send you to Saturday and I'll stay here. I'll become Monday You and you'll become Saturday You.
CARA: Won't that mess things up?
S. CARA: No, because we're still us.
CARA: Huh.
S. CARA: This is a great idea. I'm exhausted of being Saturday You. That birthday party is so loud.
CARA: It is?
S. CARA: And your mother keeps needling at you.
CARA: Does she?
S. CARA: And the flat tire--
CARA: Wait, you didn't say anything about a flat tire.
S. CARA: I mean, AAA comes and swaps it out, and it's fine, but--
CARA: That sounds so stressful.
S. CARA: It is. But you're raring to go, so--
CARA: You know what? I'm going to Lex and Nat that Saturday doesn't work for me.
S. CARA: I mean if you want to go, the time machine is right outside the--
CARA: No, no. Probably better I stay in. And now that you've brought it up, I think I would like to watch Frasier.
S. CARA: It doesn't hold up well at all but--
CARA: But I bet it's soothing.
S. CARA: It is. It's very soothing.
CARA: That sounds nice.
S. CARA: It is.
CARA: That's great.
S. CARA: You're going to have a very nice Saturday.
End of Play
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