Friday, September 27, 2019

Warren Beatty

I just have a hard time believing
That at one point
Every woman in Hollywood
Wanted to have sex
With Warren Beatty

Now, I’ve seen the old movies
I get that, uh, I get that
That he was--

I’m sure he’d be attractive
To, you know, some people

Not me
I mean--
Maybe if I was older

Or, like, if I was young
At the time
When he was young

Looks change
Fashions change

But I think it’s more likely
That, like--

Women were just expected
To like Warren Beatty

That there was this
Agreed upon--thing
In Hollywood
That you had to like him
Because he was him

And, uh, I mean,
He wasn’t the first guy
That they pulled that with

That’s a thing, right?

That’s a thing
That Hollywood
The movie industry
Just does
Does and did
Where they’re like--

Like this guy
And then people do

But it’s complicated
Because
If women were, you know
Consensually doing things
With Warren Beatty
Then
We can’t really have a problem with that
Right?

But what if they’re doing stuff with him
Because they feel like
They have to
Because they’re been, like, gaslit
Into believing
It’s in their best interest
Or that
They should be attracted to him
Even if they’re not

You know, if enough people
Tell you
That somebody is attractive
The human brain
Is not programmed
To fight off
That kind of influence

Attraction is something--

You can quote
All the science you want at me
And god knows I respect science, but--

The truth is
We are not strong enough beings
To handle
Being told
That someone is gorgeous
Someone is handsome
Someone is someone that we MUST be with
And just--resist that

Some people can
But most?

No

Most people go with the flow
When it comes to--

And I hate using language like that
‘Go with the flow’

And I’m not trying to slut-shame
Warren Beatty for being with lots of women
Provided it was all on the, you know, up and up
But, let’s face it
Chances are
It was not all on the up and up

And I don’t think
That if, you know, any of us
Heard
That Warren Beatty
Back then
Acted like a real asshole
To any of those women
Or even one woman
That we’d be all that surprised

Sometimes it’s just a feeling

We’re thinking of how we--

How we start to rid the, uh,
The world, I guess,
Of men who are--

You know

And I think it’s not just about
Finding the monsters
And the people who are so, like,
Definitely bad

But also the ones
Who have been set up
To just--

Like pigs to the slaughter, you know?

The ones we were manipulated
Into--

Because that’s kind of--

That kind of can’t be consensual, can it?

Right?

Doesn’t that sound right?

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Bad Words You Can Say

We were allowed
To say bad words
As kids

It just wasn’t a hill
My parents
Felt like dying on

I don’t know
When they decided that
But it was always just something
We knew we wouldn’t get in trouble for
Provided we only did it
In front of our parents

It’s strange how, like, you’re so intuitive
To that kind of stuff
Those rules
When you’re young

When you’re a kid

You don’t remember explanations
You just remember these guiding moments
Where you were lead to this understanding
Of what was unacceptable
And what wasn’t

And, you know, I think
My parents just weren’t into
Worrying about
How they spoke in front of us
And they were--

They hated hypocrites
They really did
So maybe they felt like--

Well, if we’re going to swear
I guess the kids are going to be allowed to

And the funny part is--

It’s not really something
We took advantage of

I barely ever swore
And neither did my two sisters
And to this day
I really don’t mind hearing it
Even from my own kids
But it seems like they swear
Even less than I did

It’s like this rule of parenting
That everybody understands
But not everybody wants to put in place
Which is, uh, you know--

Kids want to rebel
The less you give them to rebel against
The less shit you actually have to deal with

Oh see, I just swore

But I promise it doesn’t happen
All that often

When my grandmother died
I remember my little sister
My baby sister
Taking it the hardest of any of us
Because she was named
After my grandmother
And they were always really close

All of us were sitting out
On the patio
And my sister my just screaming
Every bad word
She could think of

All of them

Some of them I hadn’t even heard before

And my parents were there
And they were holding her
And she was crying
And screaming those words
And the neighbors could probably hear
Every one of them
But she just kept going and going
And that was all right

My parents weren’t worried
About what she was saying
They were worried
About the little girl in their arms
Who just lost something
Precious to her

Who was trying to deal
With this unbearable grief
In whatever way
Felt natural to her
As ugly
And loud
And angry
As it was

They just let her do it

I lost my parents a few years back
Within just a couple months of each other

I remember a lot of great things about them
But I have to tell you
The best thing I remember
Is them holding my little sister
While she screamed “Fuuuuuuuuuuck”
At the top of her lungs
While they just held her
And held her
And held her

Like no matter what she did
Or said
They were never

Going to let go

Sunday, September 22, 2019

Nothing Left Over

I asked you all here
Because as you all know
On Sunday
Something happened at Ma’s house
That greatly disturbed me

Ma made dinner
Like she does every Sunday
And there was just enough food
For everybody

She only made
Enough food
For everyone

There wasn’t one extra plate of food
For anyone

There was nothing to put in the fridge
No need for Tupperware
I was talking in the kitchen with Aunt Jan
And I went to pick at whatever was left over
And there
Was
Nothing

I didn’t know what to do
I was peckish
And then I was hungry
And then I was starving

I said, ‘Ma, why isn’t there more food?’
She said, ‘You just ate’
I said, ‘Don’t shame me.’
She said, ‘There’s food in the pantry.’

I’m not going in that pantry

Do you know what’s in that pantry?
There’s food in there
From thirty years ago

She’s got a can of pinto beans in there
That she bought with a rations card

I don’t know what to do in there
That’s why I have Ma

I said, ‘Ma, what happened?
You always make extra food’

She said, ‘I know, but I realized
That what I was doing
Was making extra work for myself
And I should just make less
Since I’ve been cooking for all of you
For decades
And I’m not as young as I used to be’

Isn’t that the most selfish thing
You’ve ever heard
In your entire life?

All these years
She’s been making double the amount of food
We all want to eat
And we complain and complain about it
And then out of the blue
She decides to listen to us

I get enough of that from my teenagers
I don’t need it from my mother too

I asked her, ‘What would have happened
If somebody showed up unexpectedly?
What would you have fed them?’

She said, ‘Nobody’s ever showed up
Unexpectedly’

But for years
And years
She would say
That she was making all that food
In case somebody showed up

And we’d tell her--

‘Ma, nobody’s going to show up
And she would insist
That one day
Somebody would

And they never did
But now
If they do
They’ll go hungry

I could cry just thinking about it

The only problem is
I can’t cry when I’m hungry
And I’m famished
Because all I ate on Sunday
Was two plates of food
And that cake that’s really just a pizza
In a cake

My whole eating schedule
Is thrown off now

My kidneys are probably going to shut down
And it’ll be my mother’s fault

We have to do something
We have to talk to her
We have to explain to her
That it doesn’t matter
What we’ve been saying
All these years

She’s gotta keep making
More food
Than we need

That’s what mothers do

They offer more than you want

More advice
More hugs
More rules
More yelling

And more food

You don’t want it
But you need it

You’re always going to need it

You’re never not going to need it

And you can never really have

Enough