Twenty Minutes

(SARAH and her father, LARRY,

are in LARRY’s kitchen.)

SARAH:  If you really want to do

this road trip with me--

LARRY:  I told you I do, didn’t I?  Hey,

did I tell you about Cousin Steve?

SARAH:  He’s writing a book.

LARRY:  He’s writing a book!  Do you

believe that? That kid, I’m telling you. 

Watch him win an Oscar.

SARAH:  You don’t win an Oscar for

writing books.

LARRY:  Kid’s gonna have two Oscars

by the time he’s thirty.  Just you wait.

SARAH:  What’s the book going to be

about?

LARRY:  Him working at Target.  You

wouldn’t believe what happens there.

SARAH:  At Target?

LARRY:  Cousin Steve says it’s a nuthouse.

SARAH:  Well, yeah, it’s Target.

LARRY:  Maybe he’ll have the book done

by the time we go on this trip and we can

do that thing where you listen to it.

SARAH:  An audiobook?

LARRY:  Yeah.

SARAH:  How far along is he?

LARRY:  He’s just looking for an agent

right now before he starts writing.

SARAH:  Okay, well, the trip is in three

weeks, so we might need to find other

ways to entertain ourselves.

LARRY:  We used to do I Spy.  Remember

I Spy?

SARAH:  Ohhhh, I remember.

LARRY:  I used to say, ‘I Spy your brother

picking his nose and looking at it for too long.’

SARAH:  Yup, I remember!  Um, we just

need to get an idea of how long this is going

to take so we know where to stop.  So--

we’re starting in Boston.

LARRY:  Is there parking there?

SARAH:  In Boston?

LARRY:  Yeah.

SARAH:  There’s--yes.

LARRY:  Your Cousin Steve says you

can’t park in Boston.

SARAH:  Yes, you can--I mean, it’s not

always easy, but--

LARRY:  Tell you what.  Meet me outside

my house instead.

SARAH:  Okay, so an hour outside of

Boston instead and in the wrong direction.

LARRY:  There’s a spot right outside my

house where you can park.  You won’t

have to worry about it.

SARAH:  Fine. We start at your house. 

Then we head to New York.

LARRY:  Good.

SARAH:  So that’ll take what? 

Three hours? Four?

LARRY:  Twenty minutes.

SARAH:  Dad, it’s not going to take

twenty minutes to get to New York

from here.

LARRY:  I can get to New York in twenty

minutes.

SARAH:  No, you can’t.

LARRY:  I know a way.

SARAH:  A way that transcends

space and time?

LARRY:  Trust me.  I know what I’m doing.

SARAH:  You’re not getting from here to--

LARRY:  Sarah, I’ve been driving a

lot longer than you--

SARAH:  Yes, because you’re old.

LARRY:  No, it’s because I’m smart.

SARAH:  Are you smart enough to know

that it’s more than twenty minutes from

Providence to New York?

LARRY:  Just put down twenty minutes.

SARAH:  I--Okay.  Then, from New York,

we’re going to DC.

LARRY:  Fifteen minutes.

SARAH:  Dad, come on, be reasonable.

  It’s way longer than that.

LARRY:  I drove to New Hampshire last

week to use this coupon I had for a kids

clothing store up there--

SARAH:  I don’t have any kids.

LARRY:  You want me to let a coupon go

to waste?  What are we millionaires all of

a sudden?

SARAH:  What was the point of--

LARRY:  Guess how long it took me to

get from here to New Hampshire?

SARAH:  At least two hours.

LARRY:  Ten minutes.

SARAH:  That can’t be right.

LARRY:  I made great time.

SARAH:  You actually time-traveled if it

only took you ten minutes.

LARRY:  No traffic.  Unbelievable.

SARAH:  Oh, it’s not believable.  I’ll give

you that.

LARRY:  Where we going after DC?

SARAH:  Well, at that point, we’ll have

been on the road for under an hour, so

I guess we might as well stop over in

China.

LARRY:  Sarah, please take this seriously. 

Road trips are no joke. Your Cousin Larissa

was driving to Plymouth last month to see

that band I don’t like.

SARAH:  That could be almost any band.

LARRY:  She’s out on the road, gets a flat tire,

calls AAA, almost misses the concert, and now

she’s got Lyme disease.

SARAH:  How did she get Lyme disease?

LARRY:  She went camping two weeks later. 

Remember she wanted you to go with her?

SARAH:  What does that have to do with--

LARRY:  You know where we should stop? 

That diner you liked when you were a kid

and we drove to the Grand Canyon.

SARAH:  Dad, that’s in Arizona.  We’re

going to Florida.

LARRY:  It’ll take twenty minutes.

SARAH:  To stop off in Arizona?

LARRY:  You loved their milkshakes.

SARAH:  I loved the meal I had in Japan

last year too, but we’re not stopping there.

LARRY:  Did you take that medicine I gave

you before you ate?  You should never eat

in other countries.

SARAH:  All you did in Italy was eat.

LARRY:  That’s Italy.  It’s practically America.

SARAH:  It’s really not.

LARRY:  Did you take the medicine?

SARAH:  Dad, it was the nicest restaurant in

Tokyo and the medicine you gave me was

a Pepto chewable.

LARRY:  And did you take it?

SARAH:  I--yes.

LARRY:  And you’re still alive.  You’re

welcome.

SARAH:  I’m having serious doubts about

this trip.

LARRY:  Don’t be crazy.  We’re going to

have the time of our lives.

SARAH:  Okay, so, uh, after DC, where do

you want to stop before we hit Florida?

LARRY:  Virginia Beach.

SARAH:  Why Virginia Beach?

LARRY:  It was your mother’s favorite.

SARAH:  Oh. Okay.

LARRY:  She loved it there.

SARAH:  Yeah, I forgot about--Yeah.

LARRY:  Wanted to stop there for her.

SARAH:  That’s, um, that’s nice.  We can

do that.

LARRY:  And it should only take us five

minutes to get from DC to there.

SARAH:  Five minutes?

LARRY:  Yeah.

SARAH:  I don’t know, Dad.  Seems like we

can do better than that.

(LARRY smiles.)

The End