(A 3rd Grade Classroom. MISS BRUGEL addresses her class.)
MISS BRUGEL: Olivia, I found your family tree boring.
OLIVIA: What was wrong with it, Miss Brugel?
MISS BRUGEL: You don't have any mystery in it.
OLIVIA: Mystery?
MISS BRUGEL: It's just who's related to whom.
OLIVIA: Isn't that what a family tree is?
MISS BRUGEL: Well, in a manner of speaking, yes, but why not liven things up a little? You're being graded on this, you know.
OLIVIA: Yes, I know.
MISS BRUGEL: Why not insinuate that your mother might not be your mother?
OLIVIA: But she is my mother.
MISS BRUGEL: As far as you know. Why not put a little question mark next to her and keep your audience on its toes?
OLIVIA: But wouldn't that be dishonest?
MISS BRUGEL: You're just putting something out there, Olivia. You're asking questions. You're being inquisitive. You're not harming anyone.
OLIVIA: My mother would be very upset.
MISS BRUGEL: Your mother needs to understand that her daughter is never going to get published unless she learns how to jazz things up a little.
OLIVIA: Yes, Miss Brugel.
MISS BRUGEL: Emma?
EMMA: Yes, Miss Brugel?
MISS BRUGEL: This math of yours--
EMMA: Yes?
MISS BRUGEL: Five plus five equals ten.
EMMA: Is that wrong?
MISS BRUGEL: It's not wrong in result, only in style.
EMMA: Huh?
MISS BRUGEL: Don't say 'Huh.' Say 'Pardon?'
EMMA: Pardon?
MISS BRUGEL: Where's the creativity, Emma?
EMMA: You want to see my art project?
MISS BRUGEL: Emma, if this is what your math looks like, I can only imagine what your art looks like.
EMMA: I thought it was just addition?
MISS BRUGEL: You could have gone so much further though, Emma.
EMMA: You wanted me to add another five?
MISS BRUGEL: I wanted you to add your dreams.
EMMA: How much is a dream?
MISS BRUGEL: You see, now THAT is profound.
EMMA: What does profound mean?
MISS BRUGEL: You'll learn it sixth grade. Maybe seventh. It depends on whether Mr. Polly is retired by then. His vocabulary lessons are abysmal.
EMMA: What does abysmal mean?
MISS BRUGEL: You'll learn it in sixth grade. Maybe seventh.
EMMA: So five plus five doesn't equal ten?
MISS BRUGEL: It does. But what else can it equal?
EMMA: Another ten?
MISS BRUGEL: You're so limited, Emma. I weep for your limited future in this world.
EMMA: Because of climate change?
MISS BRUGEL: You see, now that's an interesting point. What is five plus five plus climate change?
EMMA: Hot?
MISS BRUGEL: Now you've got me invested, Emma.
EMMA: Okay?
MISS BRUGEL: Ava?
AVA: Yes, Miss Brugel?
MISS BRUGEL: You wrote that dodos are extinct in your project on endangered species?
AVA: Yes, Miss Brugel.
MISS BRUGEL: Hmmmm...but are they?
AVA: They are.
MISS BRUGEL: But how do you know that?
(A beat.)
AVA: Because they are?
MISS BRUGEL: But what if they weren't?
AVA: But they are.
MISS BRUGEL: Could there be a dodo out there somewhere?
AVA: Uh...no?
MISS BRUGEL: Go with me here, Ava.
AVA: Go where?
MISS BRUGEL: Follow my line of thought.
AVA: Can't I just stay here?
MISS BRUGEL: What if the extinction of the dodo was a story made up my conservationists to help achieve their own objectives?
AVA: Is that what happened?
MISS BRUGEL: It's not about what happened, Ava. It's about what could have happened.
AVA: But anything could have happened.
MISS BRUGEL: Now we're cooking!
AVA: Can't we just talk about things that are real?
MISS BRUGEL: What if nothing's real?
(AVA starts to cry.)
OLIVIA: Miss Brugel, Ava is crying.
MISS BRUGEL: I know. That's why she'll never go to college.
EMMA: Can I go to college?
MISS BRUGEL: I don't know, Emma. Can you?
EMMA: Democracy doesn't work. Money is imaginary. My mom might be an alien.
MISS BRUGEL: Class, I think we have our Student of the Month.
(AVA continues to cry.)
End of Play
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