Special

He used to call

And let the phone ring

And I had a rule

That if he left a voicemail

I would let him come over

But if he hung up

It meant he was calling

Someone else

Someone else

Who answers

After midnight

Someone who’s not

Special

Those were the nights

When I’d swap out

The lightbulbs

In my bathroom

For purple and blue

And put on music

And act like

All the party I needed

Was right there

In my shower

I’m surprised the neighbors

Never called the cops

On the crazy lady

Singing in her bathroom

At all hours of the night

Because the thing is

I never slept

So it wasn’t about

Not letting him come by

Because I was tired

It was about

Wanting to be respected enough

To have him come over

Before the sun

Called it quits

I wanted him

To do things

That let me know

I was

Special

Not tell me

I don’t need to be told

Telling is for those

Who don’t know

I know

I just needed him to know

And I needed him

To act like

He knew

But the phone would ring

Some nights twice

And then--out

Then it’d be quiet

For the rest of the night

Unless my sister called me

From another hemisphere

To tell me all about

The guy at work

She was seeing

Who wouldn’t leave

His wife

Eventually he would leave her

And he’d marry my sister

And then he’d leave her

For someone else

Because men like that

Make themselves feel young

By making the same mistakes at forty

That they made at twenty-five

My sister isn’t special

God forgive me

But she’s not

And the men she loved

Were never special

And nothing that came out of

Anything she did

From her work

To her love life

Was ever

Special

And what was so special

About me?

Because it takes

A certain kind of person

To hear a phone ringing

On a lonely night

And not jump out of bed for it

Now you can tell

So much about how

Desperate you are

And how eager the guy is

Because you have texting

And checkmarks

To let everybody know

Who’s seen what

But back then

It was a game of chicken

And believe me

I never dropped

And I never dodged

If you rang me up

You left a message

And all you had to say

Was that you wanted to see me

And you had to say it

In a voice that let me know

You knew

Exactly what there was about me

That was worth

Hanging up the phone

And waiting

For me

To call

You

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