The Elephants Discuss Retirement

                (Two Elephants—MARGE and MURIEL—are waiting at the train station.)

MURIEL:  …And it’s so beautiful, you wouldn’t believe it.

MARGE:  The reserve?

MURIEL:  Just gorgeous.

MARGE:  What do you do all day?

MURIEL:  You eat.  You sleep.  You relax.

MARGE:  Oh.

MURIEL:  I think we’ve earned a little—

MARGE:  (Over-lapping.)  Right, right.

MURIEL:  (Over-lapping.)  --Relaxation.

MARGE:  Just seems like a—like a step backwards.

MURIEL:  No.

MARGE:  No?

MURIEL:  No!  A step—Marge, we were wearing little beanies and parading around like imbeciles.  You call resting in our natural habitat a step backwards?

MARGE:  It’s not our natural habitat, Muriel, it’s a few hundred acres in Florida.

MURIEL:  Well—

MARGE:  We’re not Floridian elephants.  We’re African—

MURIEL:  I know, but it’s not like they can send us back to Africa.  I don’t speak African.  I wouldn’t know how to talk to those elephants.

MARGE:  We should have just stayed where we were.

MURIEL:  That wasn’t an option.

MARGE:  And it’s a dumb thing to say anyway.

MURIEL:  No, it’s not.

MARGE:  We were indentured servants.

MURIEL:  We were performers.

MARGE:  Performers tap dance and juggle.  We were freaks on display.

MURIEL:  That’s your version of it.

MARGE:  You just didn’t mind so much because you were at the end of the line.  When all of us had to put our feet up on each other’s backs, you were the only one who didn’t have anybody’s giant stumps digging into your spine.

MURIEL:  You just have a bad attitude about all sorts of things.

MARGE:  Beg your pardon?

MURIEL:  You didn’t like anything about the circus.  You never had one nice thing to say.

MARGE:  What nice thing could I have to say?

MURIEL:  I don’t know.  That we got food and shelter and protection and love—

MARGE:  Love?

MURIEL:  And the clowns were funny.

MARGE:  LOVE?

MURIEL:  Well, not funny ha ha, more like funny ‘what’s going on here?’

MARGE:  You think we were loved?

MURIEL:  Of course we were loved.

MARGE:  Who loved us?

MURIEL:  The handlers.

MARGE:  You know what you have?

MURIEL:  So help me god, if you say Stockholm Syndrome—

MARGE:  Stockholm Syndrome.

MURIEL:  I have a wider view of the world than you, Marge, that’s what I have.

MARGE:  And a bad attitude.

MURIEL:  Call it what you want, I just know when I’m having the wool pulled over my eyes, and I, for one, am happy to see clearly.

MARGE:  That new worldview of yours is going to do you a lot of good in Florida.

MURIEL:  We’re going to be outdoors all day and night.

MARGE:  Left to die of exposure.

MURIEL:  Animals don’t die of exposure.

MARGE:  We’re barely animals.

MURIEL:  We give birth standing up!

MARGE:  I’ve heard some humans do that too.

MURIEL:  All you do is defend them.

MARGE:  I’m entitled to feel how I feel.

MURIEL:  You know what this is about?

MARGE:  (Over-lapping.)  It’s not about Lou.

MURIEL:  (Over-lapping.)  I think it’s about Lou.

MARGE:  It’s because they’re sending him to that sanctuary in Georgia.

MURIEL:  He’s got a bad knee.

MARGE:  I’m sorry they didn’t keep you together.

MURIEL:  Can’t expect something like that.

MARGE:  After twelve years?

MURIEL:  We had a good run.

MARGE:  You just roll over, don’t you, Muriel?  You just roll right over.

MURIEL:  I take things as they are.

MARGE:  What they are is better.  We’re finally going to live the way we’re supposed to.

MURIEL:  And do you know how to do that, Marge?  Because I don’t.  I was born into the circus.  My mother was a performer.  I don’t know any other way to live.

MARGE:  Well, you’ll learn.

MURIEL:  I’m too old to learn.

MARGE:  Oh, that’s not true.  You were always the first one to pick up a new routine.

MURIEL:  Routines I’m good at.  Sitting in the sun and doing nothing?  That I’m not so good at.

MARGE:  It’ll be nice and warm.

MURIEL:  How warm?

MARGE:  Warm.

MURIEL:  I don’t like it too warm.

MARGE:  Well, it won’t be too warm.

MURIEL:  How do you know that?

MARGE:  Because I’m a weather elephant, Muriel.  I don’t know.  I’m just trying to make you feel better.

                (A beat.)

MURIEL:  Do you think we’ll be near each other?  On the reserve?

MARGE:  Well, we can stay near each other.

MURIEL:  They’ll let us do that?

MARGE:  Is that what you’re worried about?  You and me being—

MURIEL:  I don’t want to be alone.

MARGE:  Muriel—

MURIEL:  I’m too old to be alone.  I’ve never been—

MARGE:  Muriel, you’re not going to be alone.  I’m going to be with you.  I’m not going anywhere.

MURIEL:  That’s what Lou said.

MARGE:  Well—I don’t have a bad knee.

MURIEL:  It’s not like I have a lot of years left in me.

MARGE:  That’s why you deserve to spend what you got left in peace, don’t you think?

MURIEL:  Even peace is scary if you don’t know what it looks like.

MARGE:  Muriel, remember at the end of the Egyptian routine when the spotlight would hit the pyramid of trapeze artists and light up the whole arena?

MURIEL:  Yeah.

MARGE:  That’s what it looks like.

MURIEL:  How do you—

MARGE:  I don’t know how I know, I just…know.

MURIEL:  Wow.  I think I’ll like that.

MARGE:  Trust me, Muriel, you’re gonna love it.

                (They smile—as only elephants can smile.)

                The End