What We Said Under Oath

What we said under oath

Was that we didn’t see him that night

And there’s this thing

This principle

That it’s okay to lie

As long as the lie is to prevent

An injustice from happening

That, uh, sometimes

The truth

Can actually lead

To the wrong thing happening and so--

And so we lied

But we told ourselves

It was for justice

What we said under oath

Is that he was with us all night

Because he was with us most of the night

Really, most of the night

And, uh, here’s what most people don’t realize

Most people think you need, like

An hour or two

To murder somebody

Like, that’s what I thought

That it was this long, drawn-out thing

Because, in my mind, doing that to somebody

Is this monumental act of--of--violence

And also, just--

The total opposite

Of, you know, decency

And morality

So in my mind

And, I think, in the minds of other people

It’s really something

That’s going to take you awhile

So when the police and everybody

Suggested

That maybe in the half hour

He was gone from the party

He could have just driven over to her house

And killed her

And then come back like nothing was wrong

That just didn’t sound right to us

It sounded impossible

So we testified

Under oath

That it didn’t happen

Because, even though we weren’t with him the whole night

It was like--

Well, they’re trying to use

The twenty or so minutes that he wasn’t right next to us

To say that he went and did this thing that--in our minds

Was the equivalent of, like--

Fighting a war or something

So what we said under oath

Was that he was never gone

That he was with us

The whole time

Because that seemed closer to the truth

Than us knowing somebody

Who could just make a quick stop at somebody’s house

To murder them

That seemed--

I mean, we were up there

And we’re supposed to tell the truth

But what happens

When what you believe seems like the truth

Is actually the lie?

You put your hand on a Bible

And you promise to tell the truth

But isn’t it funny

Because the Bible is full of stuff

That people believe

Because it’s in the spirit of the truth

But could never really be true

So you promise to tell the truth

And, in your mind, you do

We did

Then later on you sit there

And these lawyers

They show everybody

How you’re liars

Because you don’t know your friend

Your brother

This person you’ve known

All your life

You don’t know him at all

And that’s the truth

We sat there

And we had to figure out

In that moment

That we had no ownership

Over the truth

Or what we could feel

Was the truth

And it was--

It was a pretty disturbing feeling

At that point

Anything we said under oath, I mean--

It would have been a lie

No matter what, because--

Because you promise to tell the truth

But--

But what if you can’t?

What is the point of making people promise that

If you’re going to get them up there

And show everybody

That they don’t even know what the truth is

It’s like--

It’s like--

Why did they do that?

I mean, we know why they did it

That’s their job, but--

It just broke us, you know?

It just broke us down in a way that--

I don’t know

That we’ll ever

Come back from that