The Morning Announcements

Hello and sit down

And don’t make noise

Or pretend to burp

Or burp

Even if you have to

You can wait

You can wait five goddamned minutes

To burp

Okay?

Okay

Wait, can they—

Okay, because there used to be an echo and—

Well, there used to be

And there isn’t one now

I’m thrilled

I’m thrilled there’s no more echo

But there used to be an echo

And now there’s not

And that’s a little concerning to me

I’m a little concerned about that

But I’ll push past it

I’m pushing past it

I’m fine with it

It’s old news

Speaking of olds news—

The Devils are in the play-offs

Go Devils

Was anybody else surprised

That we had a rugby team?

I mean, I had no idea

That we had a rugby team

I was really shocked

To find that out

Mrs. O’Connor handed me the morning stats

And I was like—

Rugby?
Really?

And they’re called The Devils?
We have a team called The Devils?

That doesn’t seem right

We’re a high school

We shouldn’t be promoting—

I mean, we’re a public high school

But still we—

Okay, now the echo is back

Now I’m hearing the echo again

Can you hear that?

I mean, it’s sort of comforting

To have it back

It’s a Wednesday

I’m not really big on changes

Unless they happen

On a Monday

But if it’s—

Okay, now it’s gone again

Jesus Christ

Okay, so the Devils

Go Devils

Glad you, you know

Exist

Wendell Tomoa

Tah-moh-ah?

Tah-mah?

Tah-moh?

Tamale?

I don’t know

Anyway

He won the spelling bee

And Kristen Lee Manicure

Or, wait—

No, it is Manicure

Ugh, who are these kids?
Anyway, she won the Geography Bee

And Brian Hogarth

Won the Science Fair

So all those kids are winners

And two of them have weird names

But that’s okay

Because the world isn’t for the simple, kids

It’s for the complex

That’s your thought of the day

From me, okay?

Free of charge

I’m having a bad day today, kids

A really not good day

And I’m not going to go into why

Because what you really need to take from this

From my day

Is that not all bad days

Are bad for a reason

Some are just lousy

Sometimes you just feel lousy

And that’s fine

There’s no story to that

It just is how it is

And you gotta keep going

And by the afternoon announcements

Maybe I’ll feel better

And maybe I won’t

Who’s to say, right?

I’m not to say

You’re not to say

It’s just something to be—

Yeah

But anyway—

Congratulations to all of you

Even the simple among you

Because you’re here

You made it another day

And this day’ll be gone before you know it

And then you’ll get another one

To try on for size

How’s that?

Sound good?

Well, it doesn’t really—

Oh boy, the echo’s back

I’m telling you

It’s going to be a really

Awful

Day