Waking Up To It

We have to really have a conversation
In this country
About the differences

The sexual differences

Between men and women

Not just how men and women
Perceive sex
And how they're raised
In regards to sex
But just biologically
How--biologically
We respond to sex
And that's
That's
As a RESULT
Of perception
And environment

But it affects us
Biologically

Okay, so--

The best--

Well, not the best

But the example I can give you is--

I was in this class
This college class
On sexuality
And the professor asked us a question
And had us write down our answer
On a piece of paper
So it was anonymous
The responses

And the question was--

How would you feel
If your partner
Husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend
Had sex with you
While you were sleeping

The professor wanted to know
If our response to that
Would be positive or negative

So, you know, she could get a one word answer
From each of us about it

Now, to me
I would think
To a lot of people
That's rape

Forget about the--the--the--

Relationship

The way you know each other
Even if you're married

Sex with someone
Who hasn't given you consent
Because they're sleeping
Because they're, um, you know, uh
Basically unconscious
Then you're committing rape

And how could anybody
Feel differently about that?

But think about the question

See, this is the interesting part

The question isn't about
Whether or not it's rape

It's about how you--personally
Would feel
If someone had sex with you
While you were in a position
To not give consent

And the professor collected the answers
And, uh, I could see that she was--

She looked at the results
And said--

'You know, I would never typically do this
But--can I reveal the results?'

Like, the overall results
From the whole class

And everybody was like--

Well, she must have a reason
So--sure

So she told us

That with the exception of two girls
Every girl in the class
Said they would have a negative response
To someone having sex--uh, raping them
While they were sleeping

And that every boy in the class
Would have a positive response to that

Can you fucking believe that?

Every
Single
Boy

Would be totally cool
With having their partner
This other person
Rape them

So, uh, I mean--this is one class

This is just--

It was a class of about sixty people
And it was pretty evenly split
So let's say thirty boys maybe
But still

Thirty guys

All okay

With being raped

Having a--a--positive reaction
To being raped

So we had a discussion about it
The results
Knowing what we--

And obviously
We didn't know
What two girls also said 'Positive'
But--

The boys were so adament
And here's the thing--

They weren't adament
That the girls should feel differently
Which was a relief, honestly

But the girls
We were trying to get them to understand
That regardless of how they felt about it
It was still rape
And that they shouldn't feel okay with it
Because obviously--

I mean, if they think it's a positive thing
Of course they're going to think it be okay
To do it some day right?

But I mean, a lot of these guys
Were totally understanding of consent
And saying that they would never do that
To a girl
While she was sleeping
But that if it happened to them
They would find it hot
And that we shouldn't shame them for that
Because isn't that sort of like slut-shaming
And I mean, they're not wrong, right?

I mean--

Ugh, it's so frustrating

Because at some point
You do have to talk about stuff like
Uh, uh--girls who are into sort of--

Aggressive
Consensual
Sexual activity
That involves them being--

Uh, dominated

And we have to be okay with that

We can't say 'That's not okay'

As long as there's consent, but--

Here are guys
Who are like--

Here's a situation where consent can't be given
And the boys are saying--

Yeah, bring it on
I'd love that
That'd be hot

And that's when I understood
That there is just a big difference
Between the way
Men and women
Especially young men
View sex
And experience sex
And if we don't talk about that

If we don't get that out in the open

You're going to have these malicious guys
Who are out there
These monsters
These rapists
Really out there meaning to do harm

But you're also going to have these boys
Who--who--who think--

Who are using their own personal judgment system
To determine whether or not their sexual actions
Are acceptable

And that is just a totally different system
That is so individual
So personal
And because we don't want to talk about sex--

Not in a real way
Not in an effective way
Just, strictly, in a--a--

In a sexy way, you know

But not in a way
That really gets into it
And how it's so personal

And we need to do that
Because if we just say--

Just treat people
The way you want to be treated, I mean--

The golden rule
Does not apply here

This is sex we're talking about

We all want different things
And what we want
What would turn us on
Could be someone else's worst fucking nightmare

And when it comes to men and women
There is a gap
There is a wide gap

Let's be real about this--

Maybe the reason guys would be okay
Having a woman rape them
Is because they haven't had to live with that fear of rape
Their entire lives

So they've been able to, uh, fetishize it
Make it into a kink of theirs
And if that isn't fucking privilege, oh my god

Oh my god

I sat there
And listened to all these men
Talk about how they would consent to being raped

Isn't that a--a--

What is that?

Consent to rape

Do you believe that?

I mean, do you fucking believe that?