How to Travel War Torn Countries With Former Artists Who Feel Guilty All the Time Because They’re Not Poor Anymore

Remember when I wanted

To be a singer?

I used to sing in clubs
And bars

And you would come watch me

And we’d get out at 2am
And go get pizza at Jack’s

Then fall asleep in the living room

On the couch my mom gave us

In that rundown apartment

On Fields Street

Sometimes…

Well, I think about that apartment

And the couch
And the bars

And pizza from Jack’s

And I think about us—now

And how lucky we are

But I…

Do you remember why we came here?

Remember?

I was going to be a singer

And you were going to write

And we were really going

To make a go of it

And then I took the job at Porter/Morgan

Just so we could afford to live

And you started helping out

At the coffee place

And it was all just temporary

Until one of us broke big

That was the plan

Remember the plan?

How long ago was the plan?

Eight years?  Nine

But you know now—

Now, we….

We take these nice vacations

We go to London

We go to Japan

We go to Paris, Australia

We’ve actually run out of nice places to go to

And now we’re going to not-so-nice places

Just because it’ll be more interesting

And we get good pictures

And we have fun stories
And we live a life

So many people would kill to live

But it’s not, you know

The plan

And it’s not that I miss singing

It’s that I’m scared

I’m scared because I don’t

I don’t miss singing

And I should
I should miss it

Because I was good at it, you know?

I was really good at it

I mean, I studied it

I pursued it

And now

I’ll be sitting at the firm

At my desk

In my office

An office else in the firm wants

Because it gets so much light

And I close all the blinds

And just sit there

In the dark

Whispering to myself

Like a crazy person

And do you know what I whisper?

How did I get here?

I don’t know when I started doing this

But lately, it’s all I do

I come back from lunch

Sit in the dark

And whisper—

How did I get here?

How did I get here?

I mean, does that seem

Normal to  you?

Maybe it does

Maybe you do it too

Maybe you go to the back of the coffeeshop

And close the door to your office

And do the same thing

You know, I told my friends about it

About the whispering

And they were like—

Oh, well, yeah

That’s—yeah

That’s what happens

Things change

Plans change

People change

Everything changes

But the blinds are drawn, you know?
The blinds are drawn

And I’m sitting there

And people are walking by my office

Wondering if we’re getting a divorce

And I’m losing my mind

Because I’m sitting there in the dark

After eight years

Eight years

In this place I never wanted to be

I never wanted to be there

I wanted to be in a bar

Late at night

Singing

And seeing you

In the back of the bar

Smiling at me

Making no money

Worrying about rent

Worrying about bills

Worrying about what would happen

If we ever decided to have kids

Or buy a house

Or grow up

You know?

But…

But doing the thing

The thing

You know?
The thing?

Remember the thing?

What the hell happened to the thing?

And next month we’re going to Miami

And two months after that we’re going to Toronto

Then Ireland

Then L.A.

Then Spain

Then Finland

Then Egypt

Then Russia

My god—why the hell are we going to Russia?

Is there a reason?
Could there possibly be a reason?

Other than the fact

That we need to be doing something with our lives

Other than working

So we can afford to live

In a city

We moved to

To do things

We’re currently not doing?

Could that be it?

What’s next?

What places can we go to

To create this impression

Of an interesting life

A better life

A life better than late night pizza

And secondhand couches

And neighborhoods like where Fields Street was

Where the trash never gets collected

And none of the fire hydrants work

The kind of life you live

If you stick to the plan
And stick to singing

And writing

And you don’t sell out

Because one day you looked at a paycheck

With six numbers after the decimal point

And suddenly you realized things could be easy

But what’s the point of having it easy

If you just punish yourself for it

By traveling so damn much
When you don’t even like it

God, I do not want to go to London anymore

Or Paris

Or any of those places

And those are just the nice places I don’t want to go to

Forget Egypt

And Russia

And China

I mean—are we really going to go to China?

What’s next?

North Korea?
Syria?
Iran?

Oh, how our friends will admire us

When they our photos

From various countries around the world

That all suffer from oppressive regimes

And endless war

God, we should offer tours

Tips

Write a book

How to Travel War Torn Countries

With Former Artists

Who Feel Guilty All the Time

Because They’re Not Poor Anymore

I just…

I just…

I…

I should miss it

Singing

I should miss it

And I should miss how I was

How I used to be

And you should miss how you used to be

Because…

I do miss that

You
Us

How we were

I don’t miss singing

And Fields Street

And passing out

With pizza grease all over me

But…

I miss you

And I don’t know when I lost you

I don’t know when you were here

And when you were gone

I don’t know when that all happened

How long have we been like this, you know?

How long have I

Been sitting

In the dark?