Abandoned Villas in Sunny Places

Somewhere in the 1980’s

I'm sitting in an abandoned villa

Waiting for someone

To come pick me up

I'm stranded

And I'm stranded

In a very 1980’s kind of way

Where, uh, you really do feel

Like you’re...

...Up a creek, you know?

Because I didn’t have a cell phone

I didn’t have any contact

With anybody

In the outside world

I’m just sitting in this abandoned villa

Going—

Okay, well

Somebody’s gotta find me

Eventually

But, like, not really sure

That was actually

Going to happen

And yet

At the same time

Even though

I was dealing

With a lot of anxiety in my life

Which was the reason

I was in this abandoned villa

On this trip

This vacation

That I really needed to go on

But also

Didn’t want to go on--

I’m having a hard time

Actually summoning that anxiety

To give me a kick in the ass

And make me come up

With some kind of solution

Because—

It’s sunny

Like, it’s really sunny out

And there’s the ocean

And there’s sand

And all this pretty, uh

Scenery

And so

My brain is like—

You’re fine

I mean, part of my brain thinks that

The other part is like—

Your stupid friends

Took off and left you

In two separate cars

Because one probably thought

You were with the other

And vice versa

But, again, it’s like—

Hard to panic

Because it’s just so pretty there

That’s, like, the one thing

About abandoned villas

In sunny places

It’s really hard

To panic

There

And believe me

I tried

I had this moment

Where I pictured

Me

Talking to you

Right now

I’m not kidding

You

You you

Not, like

A general ‘you’

But actually ‘you’

It was crazy

I pictured it

And that’s when I realized

That this

This right now

Was going to happen

That I wasn’t going to die

In some abandoned villa

That I was going to make it out

And live this long

And not-that-interesting life

And that’s what made me panic

Not the thought of dying

Or abandonment

Or anything

The thought of survival

That’s what scared

The hell out of me

Two hours later

My friends showed up

At the hotel we were all staying at

Realized what happened

And turned right around

And I was just sitting on the sand

Looking at the ocean

Trying to enjoy, you know

That moment

Because—

I knew it wouldn’t last

I knew that being stranded there

Wasn’t really my problem

It was a problem

But it wasn’t, like

The problem

Or even one of

The problems

My friends walked up to me

And I was crying

And they were like—

It’s okay

We’re here

We’re here now

You’re fine

We came back for you

And I looked at them like—

Why?

Why?

Why did you do that?

And they didn’t understand

I don’t think even I understood

I still don’t

I still…

I still really
Don’t

The Sound of Someone Falling

I was sitting in my room

Making notes about—

Something

Something Lucy had said

I don’t know

It wasn’t important

At the time, it might have been

But now

Years later

No

It’s not

It’s not memorable

And so—

I’m sitting there

On the edge of the bed

Notebook in my lap

Or journal

This old journal I bought

Off the discount rack

At the bookstore

I lived next to

And I heard something…

Now

I don’t really know

How to categorize it

But—

It sounded

Like someone falling

To be clear

It was not the sound of—

And I apologize

For seeming graphic here

But—

It was not the sound

Of someone

Hitting pavement

Or anything awful like that

It was the sound

Of someone falling

As in—

The act of falling

I ran over to the window

Well, first

I thought to myself--

Am I hearing

What I think

I’m hearing?

Or—

Am I hearing anything at all?

Then I thought—

I am

I must be

So I ran over to the window

And I looked—

And nothing was there

I mean, nobody was falling

Nothing was happening

There was nobody—

Again, excuse me

But—

There was nobody on the ground

I looked up

Thinking perhaps

I’d had a premonition

Nobody was on the roof

That I could see

And anyway

My building is only two stories high

So a fall

Wouldn’t necessarily kill you

It probably wouldn’t

Actually

So I started looking all around

At different buildings

Different rooftops

Nothing

Nothing

But I couldn’t step away from the window

I couldn’t escape the feeling

That I had—

Sensed something

That I had—

That something was going to happen

Or already had happened

And maybe it was miles away or something

But it was there

Somewhere

Out there in the world

That sound

This breath-bottling sound

Of somebody

Suspended

In the process of—of—of—

Surrender

And I was listening

And I heard it

And there was nothing I could do

I stood there at the window

I couldn’t move

I couldn’t speak

I could barely…

I just stood there

And waited

And, you know, I—

I didn’t even know

What I was waiting for

The Easter Virgin

Easter is always the craziest holiday

Like, it’s not quite Thanksgiving

And it’s definitely not Christmas
It's not Halloween
You can't dress up
Unless you want to dress up like a bunny
Which would be fucking stupid

It’s too religious to be any fun

But it’s not religious enough

To be, you know

Like pretty or anything
With, like, pretty Jesus dioramas
On people's lawns
Or whatever

And that’s why I decided

I was going to lose my virginity
On Easter

I was really just looking for a way to--

Uh, spice things up, I guess?

You know, like

Spice up Easter? Because I always just
Fucking dread
Easter

So like, I decided

To have sex

For the first time

On Easter

And it was

Literally

The first time I have ever

Looked forward

To Easter

No joke

I was seventeen

And I had had it

With being a virgin

And I was so over, like--

Not being young enough
To get an Easter basket

Which is, literally

The only fun thing about Easter

And, you know, the egg hunt
Coloring the eggs and--

Like, anything
Non-egg related about Easter
Is just--

I was just over everything

And so I was like--

Okay, let’s be proactive

Let’s find out how to take two things

That I really don’t like--

My virginity

And Easter

And put a silver lining on them

Therego--

Losing my virginity on Easter

Right?

So I went online

And found this guy

Who had English Lit with me

And I was like--

Do you want to take my virginity?

And he was like--

I would, but it’s Easter It's like a family day

And I was like--
Actually, it's not about family
It's about Jesus

And he was like--

Yeah, but--

And I was like--

Do your whole Easter dinner thing
With your family

Then come take my virginity

And he was like--

I kind of can’t

My mom will be mad

And I was like--

It’s not Christmas

You eat the ham

And you’re done

You’re done by like two o’clock

Three tops

Five if you end up playing board games

Or whatever

But he was one of those people

Where, like, every holiday

Is a whole day of just, like

Sitting around with your family

Just staring at each other

Wondering what to talk about

And not losing your virginity

So, long story short--

I ended up having sex

A few months later

Like, right before Fourth of July

Which is another loser holiday

But, like, it’s a little more sexy

Because of the heat

And the summer

And the flags and stuff

So...

I guess there are, like

Worse ways

To lose it

But Easter still sucks

I mean, I’m sorry

If you’re into Jesus or whatever

Because, I mean, if you are

I guess it’s an okay holiday

But if you’re just sort of

Whatever about it

Like me, then--you know

You just make the most of it, I guess

I guess that’s really

All you can do

Chicken Soup for Grownass Men

I guess I need to make you

Chicken soup

Even though

And here’s the thing—

You’re a grownass man

You’re a grownass man

Who needs chicken soup

Nothing wrong with that

I mean, there are things wrong with it

But nothing I care to bring up

Right now

You think I’ve never made

Chicken soup

For a grownass man before?

Try again

I’ve made pots

Of it

Pots and pots

Buckets of it

So I’m happy to do it

It’s not about that

It’s that you’re sitting there

On the couch

Flipping through channels

And the tv isn’t on

So I have to imagine

That something

Is very wrong here

Now, do you want me

To give you advice

Or sit down next to you

And pretend

I’m watching invisible tv too?

Because I can do that

I can do all sorts of things

Juggle

Tap dance

Make soup

Whatever you want

But do you know what you want?

That’s the question

You want a book of stories

All about grownass men like you

And how they’re hurt?
How they’re suffering?
How their lives are hard

And nobody gets it?

Because I can write you that book

Chapter One:  I’ve Had It Easy and I Didn’t Know It

Chapter Two:  My Father Got to Fuck Up and I Don’t

Chapter Three:  I Sexually Harassed a Woman and Instead of Rolling Her Eyes She Kneed Me in the Groin

I can write chapter after chapter

All about grownass men

Just

Like

You

Or you can get up off the couch

And turn off the tv that isn’t on

And make your own damn

Chicken soup

You know where the kitchen is

You know where the chicken is

And I’m assuming you know

How to boil water

But if you don’t

I’m sure

You’ll figure it out

Here’s something you need to know—

And I can put this in the book

If you want me to

The thing is—

Time exists whether or not

You own a clock

You know what I mean by that?

If you don’t

You will

Or you won’t

But part of you

Some part

Will get it

Eventually

Because no matter how dumb you are

Shit sinks in

It always finds a way

To sink in

The same way

You’re sinking into

Those sofa cushions

My words

Will land on you

Somehow

Yes, you are special

But you are special

Because everybody is special

And you are no more special

Than anybody, okay?

Let that sink in

Let it land

Try to, at least

At least

Try to

Okay?

Because you’re not sick

You’re just grown

And there’s not enough soup in the world

To fix that

Catching Cabs for Strangers

So what I do is

I catch the cab

And then I sort of step aside

And I—

Okay, so I do this

When it’s busy

You know?

Like, when it’s really busy

And you can’t catch a cab

Cause like—

That’s becoming extinct

That whole—

With Uber and Lyft

And all that

Cabs are—

But, you know

Some of the people

The older people?

They still want a taxi, you know?

And young people too

Sometimes

Sometimes people

Just want to go for a nice ride

You know?

So I catch a cab

And then I kind of stand aside like—

Hey, anybody want this one?

And people always act surprised

They’re always standing there like—

Huh?
What?

And I’m just smiling

Because I know they’re not expecting it

And honestly?

Honestly, that’s the best part

The surprise

See my dad used to do this

He loved

Catching cabs for strangers

And giving them to ‘em

He loved that

He was always doing nice stuff

He was a great guy, my dad

Really great guy

He would drive cabs all day

Then we’d go out on the street at night

And he’d catch a cab for somebody

For anybody

Just hail one

And give it away

It was really something

Nobody caught a cab

Like my old man

Then one day

He’s just gone

Just like that

He didn’t leave me

It’s not like that

He would have—

He would have never left me

But—

But he was gone

And I was just—

I was just standing on a corner

You know?

Trying to keep smiling

Trying to live in this new reality

Where there’s no dad anymore

You know?

Got my thumb out

Catching cabs

Holding open doors

Pointing at strangers

Being like—

You take this one

You take this one

Go ahead

Go ahead

Take this one

Go ahead

I don’t mind

I don’t mind

It’s for you

I don’t mind

You put enough

Nice stuff

Out there in the world

And maybe one day

A cab stops for you

And your dad’s in the driver’s seat

Asking where you been

And why you been gone so long
And what do you mean he's the one
Who's been gone?

You climb in

And he takes you

To the Empire State Building

Or something place

And you spend the whole day together

Because you’re a kid again

Because time went backwards

And it took you along for the ride

That’s why you gotta keep
Giving away the cabs

Because they don’t belong to you

They’re not yours

Not until the one that is

Not until the one

That’s going to take you

Where you want to go

Why She Hires the Escorts

She hires the escorts

Because they don’t ask her

About her day

Her day is the same every day

And every day is monotonous

So the last thing

She wants to talk about
Is her day

But when she goes on dates

The first thing they ask about?

Her day

And she can’t tell

If it’s because

She keeps dating conscientious men

Or because she just looks like someone

Who’s always had a day

No matter what the answer is

The solution is the same

Fuck dates

She’s too old for dating anyway

Too much has happened

To ever catch anybody up on it

Her mother alone

Would take years

To explain

So why bother?

The escorts don’t need explanations

They’ll listen to you

If you want to talk

But if you don’t want to talk

That’s okay too

She never wants to talk

And that’s why she gets

The escorts

She gets them because they always look like

They just came from a great party

That she wasn’t invited to

They show up

Smelling like cologne

That only truly

Stupid men

Would wear

Their shirts are unbuttoned

Just enough to suggest

That the idea of a tie

Was on the table

But ultimately
Dismissed

The hair has too much product

The skin is too soft

The fingernails look like

They’re made of mother of pearl

Nothing about them looks human

And yet they make her feel

More human

Than she’s ever felt

In her life

She gets the escorts

To take her places

Simple places

Like the supermarket

And the post office

They offer to take her somewhere nice

But she doesn’t have clothes

To go anywhere nice

And anyway, she’s spending her money on escorts

Not on clothing she can wear

So escorts can take her to—

Wherever escorts

Take women

She’d rather just run some errands

With a handsome man on her arm

And let people think

That she’s a simple woman

With a gorgeous husband

Who loves her so much

He actually goes with her

To the laundromat

That’s her fantasy

And that’s why

She gets the escorts

She also gets them

Because there’s a moment

Right after their main task is complete

But before they put on their clothes

Where they get out of bed

And stand there

Just stand there

All of them do it

Maybe all men do it

Or, at least

Maybe all attractive men

Very, very attractive men

Do it

Maybe

Who knows?

They stand there

Taller than any height

Posed as though positioned

By a Greek sculptor

Muscles on display

Light hitting them just right

Bathroom light

Not bedroom light

Bathroom light

As it sneaks into a bedroom

Is the best kind of lighting

For an escort

She lays in bed

And watches

As they stand there

Thinking—

God knows what

She can’t see their faces

Just their backs

But a back

Can tell you

A lot about a person

She lays in bed

With the blanket

Pulled up to her chin

And witnesses

This one perfect moment

And each time

It really is perfect

And she thinks—

This

This is worth

Every penny

Fire Escape

You got no idea what boredom is

You got no--

Listen to me--

No idea

What boredom

Is

Boredom--is love

Ha!

No, but really--

Boredom is 1992

Listen to me now

1992

Sitting in this apartment

This second-floor

Little no-nothing

Apartment

That I couldn’t afford

Even though it was little

And it was no-nothing
Whatever the hell that means

And I’m lying on a bed

With the window open

And this little shitty fan

Blowing on me

Not a stitch of clothing on me

Because the air was hot

And the air getting blown on me was hot

And the air coming in from the open window

Was hot

And I was bored

Because it was a Sunday

And nowadays

It’s Sunday Funday

But back in 1992

And before that

And a little bit after that

Sundays were not fun-days

Because nothing good was on t.v.

Yeah, you could go see a movie

If you had the cash

But I didn’t

And there was no Internet

And you could read a book

If you felt like doing that sort of thing

But when it’s hot like that

You don’t want to do much of anything

And you’re pissed at yourself

For being bored

And not being able

To do a damn thing about it

And at some point

You make you way--

Because you hear a sound

Coming from down

On the street--

So you make your way

Onto the fire escape

And down on the street

Is this hot body

Wearing a pair of shorts

And half a shirt

And so many teeth

It was enough

For seven smiles

And right then

Right then

You know two things:

You know you’re in love

And you know

That your boredom

Is over

Even in the dusty

Dark

Dank

Dim-ity

Of 1992

On a Sunday

You got something to do

You got a fire escape to sit on

And wait

Just wait

For somebody to climb up to you

And ask you what’s up