What My Husband Says When He’s Asleep

My husband

Is the kindest man

You will ever meet

When he’s

Awake

When he sleeps

He says things

I’ve taken

To going downstairs

And sleeping on the couch

Bringing my little alarm clock with me

So that I can wake up

Before he does

And return to bed

I do this

Because what he says

Unnerves me?

I’m ashamed to say it

But it does

I know that it’s subconscious

That it doesn’t mean anything

But it also doesn’t come

From nowhere

It can’t

Somewhere in his mind

Are the most vile suggestions

And the most degrading

Desires

I would lay there

When we were first married

And think that he was playing
Some sort of terrible joke with me

But the time

The only time

I mentioned it to him

At the breakfast table

He got stern with me

For the first time

For the very first time

In our marriage

He told me never to speak

Of something

He didn’t want to talk

About how he’d speak

In his sleep

It bothered him

I could tell
And so I dropped the subject

And inquired as to how

His new job

At my father’s company

Was going

For him

In his sleep

He speaks of murdering my father

And me

And of setting the beautiful

Office building downtown

On fire

When he’s awake

He endears himself

To my father

And has become known

As the son

My parents never had

My mother even makes him

His favorite dish of hers

Once a month

When we go over

For Sunday dinner

And she pats the back of his head

And calls him ‘my dear’

In his sleep

He ridicules her

Calls her a foolish woman

Who should be sliced open

And left to rot in a yard

I’m sorry to use these words

And these graphic images

I know how upsetting they can be

They upset me as well

I listened to them for a few days

And then I took

To sneaking downstairs

And sleeping them

I know it’s not a solution

To the problem

But I don’t even know

What the problem is

I brought it up

With the family physician

And he told me

That I was most likely

Making too much out of it

But I noticed his face

Take on the strangest look

Before he dismissed

My concerns

He told me

There was nothing to worry about
And that I was doing my marriage harm

By refusing to sleep next to my husband

Just because he muttered a few nonsensical things

While asleep

What will happen
When we have children

He asked me

I have no idea

But I need my sleep

And so does my husband

He has to get up

Very early for work

And I wouldn’t want him

Getting a bad night’s rest

He’s always so happy

I would never want to find out

What he’d be like

If he wasn’t

Happy

The Clock

Start the clock, please

We’re going to wait for it

To tick down

You okay?

You don’t look okay

It’s just going to tick down

And then you’re done

But there’s no reason

To panic

It’s going to tick down

And then you’re done

We’re done

Is the ticking

Bothering you?

Scott, can we turn down

The volume

On the ticking?

Is that something

We can do?

It’s just loud

And it’s bothering them

They’re starting

To panic

We don’t want them

To panic

Because there’s no point

Do you hear

What I’m saying

To Scott?

There’s no point

In you panicking

Because whether you panic or not

It’s not going to matter

So just try and relax

I mean, I know

That you can’t relax

But try not to panic

There’s someplace between

Relaxation and panic

And that’s where I’d like you to be

I think the clock

Might be getting louder

Scott?

I think the clock

Is getting louder

Not quieter

Is that just me?

Okay

Can we do something

About that?

I’m not trying to torture them

With the sound of the clock

That’s not what I’m trying

To tortue them with

So I’d really like it

If we could take the sound

Of the clock

Down by at least a few--

Scott’s going to work on that

If it was bothering you

It’ll be--

I know you can’t tell me

Because you’re gagged

But I’m assuming

It was bothering you

Because it was certainly

Bothering me

And we don’t want that

We don’t want me bothered

If you’re bothered

That’s a bit more

Understandable

Because I’d expect you

To be bothered

What with being tied up

And gagged

And on the verge of--

It would just make sense

Is all I’m saying

But there’s no reason

For me to be bothered

If I’m bothered

You’re going to be

A lot more bothered

I can tell you that

Scott?

Now it’s too quiet

I can barely hear it

And we need to hear

The clock

Don’t you think

We need to hear the clock?

I wouldn’t want you

To be in the dark

About when your time

Is up

That just wouldn’t

Seem

Fair

Temperature

      (A bedroom. MARGARET and OLIVER sit on opposite sides of the bed facing away from each other.)

MARGARET:  It's freezing in here.

OLIVER:  I'm hot.

MARGARET:  It was raining outside yesterday.

OLIVER:  What does that have to do with--

MARGARET:  I wanted to go take a drive to Boston. See Kristin.

OLIVER:  She okay?

MARGARET:  She's fine. I just wanted to see her.

     (A beat.)

OLIVER:  Have you talked to her?

MARGARET:  I talked to her on Tuesday.

OLIVER:  How did she sound?

MARGARET:  She sounded fine.

OLIVER:  Okay.

    (A beat.)

MARGARET:  She's fine.

OLIVER:  Okay.

     (A beat. A car goes by outside.)

MARGARET:  Where do you want to eat tonight?

OLIVER:  In Boston?

MARGARET:  I'll be back before dinner.

OLIVER:  You're not going to stay up there for--

MARGARET:  I just want to see her. I'm not going to--

OLIVER:  You should stay and have dinner.

MARGARET:  Are you going to come with me?

     (A beat.)

OLIVER/MARGARET:  No.

OLIVER:  I have things to do around here.

MARGARET:  You should see where the cold's coming in from.

OLIVER:  It's hot in here.

MARGARET:  You going to tell me I'm always cold?

OLIVER:  You are. It's not your fault. Your mother was always cold too.

MARGARET:  She had a deficiency.

OLIVER:  Maybe you have the same--

MARGARET:  Maybe I'm just cold. Maybe that's--How about that? Could that be it?

     (MARGARET gets up and goes to the dresser where her jewelry is laid out. She starts putting it on.)

OLIVER:  I can go look at the furnace.

MARGARET:  What do you know about furnaces?

OLIVER:  What's your problem?

MARGARET:  Nothing, but--

OLIVER:  It's just something you say.

MARGARET:  What?

OLIVER:  That you'll go look at the furnace.

MARGARET:  Just call someone.

OLIVER:  Okay.

MARGARET:  Call someone while I'm gone.

OLIVER:  Okay.

    (OLIVER gets under the covers.)

MARGARET:  What are you doing?

OLIVER:  I'm tired.

MARGARET:  You said you were hot.

OLIVER:  I am.

MARGARET:  Then why are you--

OLIVER:  I can't sleep over the covers. You know that.

MARGARET:  Then why--It's one o'clock.

OLIVER:  I'm taking a nap.

MARGARET:  You just got up an hour ago.

OLIVER:  That's not true.

MARGARET:  You were asleep until--

OLIVER:  I woke up at eleven thirty.

     (A beat.)

MARGARET:  Same thing.

OLIVER:  God, I'm burning up.

MARGARET:  Are you sick?

OLIVER:  No, I'm just sweating.

MARGARET:  You have all your clothes on.

OLIVER:  I'm not taking my clothes off.

MARGARET:  I can't go to Boston if--

OLIVER:  You can go to Boston.

MARGARET:  Not if you're sick.

OLIVER:  You might be sick.

MARGARET:  What?

OLIVER:  You're cold.

MARGARET:  That doesn't mean I'm sick.

OLIVER:  Why would you be cold in a hot room?

MARGARET:  It's not hot in here.

OLIVER:  You should check on Kristin.

MARGARET:  That's what I'm doing.

     (A second.)

But she's fine. Are you fine?

OLIVER:  I'm fine.

MARGARET:  You should eat.

OLIVER:  In bed?

MARGARET:  No.

OLIVER:  So you want me to get out of bed?

MARGARET:  To eat? Yes.

OLIVER:  I'm just going to stay in bed.

MARGARET:  All right.

OLIVER:  Can you open a window?

MARGARET:  Oliver, it's freezing in here.

OLIVER:  Margaret, you could fry an egg on my forehead.

MARGARET:  Then you have a fever?

OLIVER:  I will if you don't open a window.

    (MARGARET goes over to the window.)

MARGARET:  I can't do it.

OLIVER:  Fine.

MARGARET:  You're probably just hot because you're under the covers.

OLIVER:  I might be.

    (MARGARET gets under the covers with him.)

MARGARET:  See?

OLIVER:  You're warm now?

MARGARET:  No. I feel like ice.

OLIVER:  So what do we do?

MARGARET:  I don't know. Take a nap?

OLIVER:  You just--

MARGARET:  I don't want to drive to Boston.

OLIVER:  I can drive.

MARGARET:  You're sick.

OLIVER:  I'm not sick. I'm just hot.

MARGARET:  Warm.

OLIVER:  Hot.

MARGARET:  Fine.

OLIVER:  Fine.

     (A moment passes. A car goes by outside. A dog barks.)

MARGARET:  I've never had a good sleep in this bed.

OLIVER:  Never?

MARGARET:  Never.

     The End

Go Deep

I used to have him over

Because there was nothing good

On tv

Before tv was a thousand channels

And streaming

And days and days

Of content

You would go out

You would come home

And it would be

Quiet

It would be quiet

And you would have to--

Actually make

A phone call

At 2am

To a guy

And act like--

I mean, it wasn’t like

Sending a text

And pretending like--

Maybe I just wanted you

To see it tomorrow

You had to potentially

Wake someone up

And let them know

That you were so--

And if you got

That wager wrong?

Oooooohhhh

But with him

I never got it wrong

That’s why

It was always him

He was always up

Because he was working from home

Way before anybody else was

Doing IT and data analysis

And all this other shit

That I didn’t understand

And he was cute

I mean, he wasn’t going to be

On anybody’s top ten list ever

But he was cute

And the biggest thing was

He never gave me shit

For having him be

Exactly what I needed

Him to be

Which was--available

He’d come over

And he’d sit on the couch

And I’d offer him

Something to eat

But he never wanted anything

Which was good

Because I never had

Any food

In my fridge

He’d ask me about my night

And I’d tell him

About the club

And how nobody was there

And it wasn’t fun

And I fought with one of my friends

And I took a cab home

And I really shouldn’t be spending

Any money on cabs

And then he’d tell me

To put on whatever was playing

At the club

So we could dance together

And, you know,

Men ask for such

Strange shit

And most of it

Is really problematic

So when all my booty call

Wanted to do

Was dance to one song with me

Before we could both get

What we were looking for

I really didn’t see

Anything wrong with it

But what I didn’t expect

Was that he’d want

Something upbeat

He wasn’t trying to be romantic

The man never left his house

And he never got to experience

What it was like to be at a club

Having a terrible time

And then

For one minute

A song comes on

That you love

A Janet Jackson song

And you feel

Everything you’re supposed to feel

When you’re having a night like that

Sexy

Fun

Carefree

So I would put on ‘Go Deep

And he and I would dance

And I’d turn on

The lamp with the purple lightbulb

I had in my living room

Because I really was

That 90’s

And that’s how

I used to end the night

Dancing with a good guy

A guy who always answered

When I called

The Night Swimmer

I felt it on my left

I felt it on my left

With a sensation

Of heat

Heat in cold water

Heat in the bay

And when is there ever

Heat in the bay?

The bay is cold

This time of year

Not cold, even

Freezing

That’s why you swim in it

You like the cold

You like the bracing

You like the way

It comes up into your lungs

And forces you

To fight

For every breath

You like the fight

You like the reminder

The nothing should be

Taken for granted

Not even the right

To stay buoyant

Something goes by you

In the water

And your first thought

Is that it’s not a shark

You’ve been in a cage before

With blood suspended around you

As sharks snap up the chum

And you squeal behind

Your scuba mask

And feel more alive

Than you’ve felt

Since the accident

Hard to feel afraid again

Once a car goes over a bridge

Once it starts filling up

Once you realize

You’re not dead

But you will be soon

If you can’t roll down the window

And get out fast enough

Before the suction
Pulls you down

To the bottom

Something goes by you
In the water

And even if there happened

To be daylight

You’d still have a hard time

Seeing what it was

But at this hour of the night

Swimming alone

Creating circumstances

To ratchet up your own adrenaline

There’s no possibility

Of seeing what went past you

There’s a ripple

A few feet away

And the bay

Is otherwise calm

No boats, no other swimmers

The shore too far

If something was chasing you

But it doesn’t appear

That anything is

Something just wants

To let you know

It’s here

You tread water

Then you duck under

You try to open your eyes

But you’ve never been any good

At that

Breathing

You’re good at breathing

You can hold your breath

Under the surface

For at least two to three minutes

With a steady heart rate

And you’re still steady

If anything calmer

Because whatever it is

You’re ready

But the water keeps pushing you up

And every time it does

You feel something move

Right below where you were

Seconds ago

You go down again
And again

Knowing that something

On the attack

Will not give up

So easily

But nothing grabs your legs

Nothing snipes at your arms

Nothing pulls you down

You go under

And there’s nothing there

Just the leftover

Feeling

Of heat

And the sense

That you missed something

And that missing it

Would have made

Anyone else

Feel

Lucky