Stanley

At the edge of Isabella's imagination
There is a salad bar

At the salad bar
You can make your own salad
And put whatever you want on it

I make a salad with bacon bits
And Hormel chili
And penne pasta
And the heels
From high-heeled shoes

I sit at a table by myself

Everybody else is standing at the windows
Looking out onto the world Isabella's created
A world that's slowly being overtaken
Piece by piece

The party is nearing an end
The Right Train is parked outside
And at some point
I'll board it
And ride right into the blue water
That's rushing towards us

But for now, I eat my salad

Nobody pays attention to the little dog
That used to belong to Mariella

They assume that I'm sad
Because she crossed over into reality
But the truth is
She crossed over a long time ago
And I've been alone
For far longer
Than anybody realizes

Time is a fragile and yet flexible thing
In the mind of a child

Yesterday seems like today
Today seems like last year
And this moment
Eating salad at the end of imagination
Seems like it's been going on
Forever

Some of us will achieve reality
Some of us will disappear
And some of us will go to a different place

A place that Isabella isn't even aware she's keeping at the moment

A place called memory

And one day
When she goes inside that place
And begins opening up the boxes
That will be placed there

The boxes untouched by the waters
That are raging over the Sahara
Where the camels play kickball
And Oreo Villa where the Man Who Stands on His Head
Has finally stood right-side up
To see the world in a different way
Before it vanishes

Isabella will open those boxes
And inside one of them
She'll find me

And she'll write a little story about me

'Stanley the Tap Dancing Dog'

And I'll be alive again
In another imagination
Perhaps many imaginations

But until then
I'll eat my salad
And watch my colleagues say their good-byes

It's been quite a party

From beginning to end

Mariella

The train ride on the way here
Was less than satisfactory

For one thing, they ran out of chocolate covered apple juice
Almost immediately

You haven't had it?

Well, it's divine

It looks like a chocolate apple
But when you bite into it
Apple juice comes out

The entire center is made of apple juice
Isn't that divine?

I think it's divine

Really, divine

There I was on the train
Sulking because some selfish trout
Ate all the chocolate covered apple juice
And I happened to look out the window
And see a bright purple sunset
Criss-crossing over the horizon

As if it were two separate things
Chasing each other

Relishing the moment
When they'd finally collapse together

And it made me think of Isabella
And the good-bye party

. . . . .

It's always a little hard
When your child
Lets you go

And I did get Isabella for much longer
Than most friends get their children

She was still in third grade
Believing in me

I remember how nervous I was on her fifth birthday
Because once children go to school
That's usually the end of the line

Once they have real people in their lives
They don't need imaginary people anymore

But things were still bad with her parents
And so she ended up needing me for a longer period of time
And I...

Well, I'd like to say I wasn't delighted

But I was

We used to go get ice
At midnight
Travel to the Sahara
To Ernie's Ice Bar

You'll find that the best sort of thing
Is always found in a place
Where there's very little of it

Rarity can make the simplest thing exceptional

And so the ice at Ernie's Ice Bar in the Sahara
Is absolutely divine

Just letting it touch the underside of your chin
Cools your entire body

You can stand in the middle of the desert
Watching the camels play kickball
While their owners sleep in silk tents
Passed out in the midnight heat

I went to Ernie's Ice Bar
The night I left Isabella

The night she threw a farewell party
For all her imaginary friends

We said our good-byes
And then I swept myself off to the Sahara
To wonder what I'd do next

That was when the train pulled up
And the camels went running
Thinking it was one of the Saharan worms
That eat camels and the owners of camels
And the camels were hoping the worm would eat their owners
And give them enough time to run away

'Ernie,' I asked, looking at the train, 'Since when does a train stop here?'

Ernie kept right on cleaning his glasses
His drinking glasses, not his eating glasses
And he said to me--

'Mariella, that's the Right Rail.'
'The Right Rail,' I asked
'Yup,' he said, 'That's the train you take, if you want to be Right.'

So I got on the train

After all

Who doesn't want to be right?

I find I'm right most of the time anyway
So it seemed like I belonged on that train

I picked up my little dog Stanley
And on we went

. . . . .

For the first eighty-seven days
Stanley and I were the only ones on the train
And it was divine

I could run up and down the aisles
Of each and every car
Letting my cape flourish behind me
And Stanley--

Well for some reason
He just wasn't his jovial self

For one thing, he refused to practice his tap dancing
And for another, whenever I would perform a puppet show for him
He'd always polite excuse himself at intermission
And not return for the second act

Many nights I'd find myself just sitting in the ice rink car
Staring at the pristine blue skating surface
Wondering if I should have stayed at Ernie's in the desert
Cool and warm, and wrong all over

. . . . .

The train stopped at 8:70 am
On a Tuesday in August
1921 or 2119
I can't remember which

I looked out the window in the hammock car
Where I'd passed out
After a long night of dancing by myself
In the polka car
When I saw Stanley step out onto the platform

I rushed down two cars
And opened the door to the train
But as I did, passengers came swarming inside

There were all sorts
Bears and ballerinas
Scary looking monsters
And astronauts
And a robot
And even a regular looking man named Dr. Stanz

I kept trying to push through them
So that I could get to Stanley
But the doors shut again
And the train began to move

I started banging my fists against the door
But when I looked out onto the platform
I saw Stanley sitting there
Looking at me
With this expression on his face
As if...

As if he knew this was going to happen

As if he had meant to separate us

I didn't understand

I didn't understand at all

. . . . .

I'd never felt so alone
Which was a bit silly
Since now the train was filled with people

The hammocks were always full
The polka room was always bustling
And the ice on the rink was no longer pristine
But carved and sliced with white lines
Where the bear would skate

I have to say, the new passengers were very nice

There was a magician that tried to cheer me up
By making clouds of smoke appear
Shaped like Stanley

But even though Stanley was a smoker
All the clouds reminded me of
Were how much I missed him
And Isabella

I thought about asking the conductor
To stop the train at her house
So I could see how she was doing without me
But that didn't seem right
And so it didn't seem logical to think
That the Right Rail could go there

The only thing that could have cheered me up even a little
Would have been chocolate-covered apple juice
And so of course, they were out of it

That's when I pulled the brakes
Sending Rudy the Bear
Right off his ice skates
And I hopped off the Right Rail

. . . . .

All I wanted to do from that point on
Was live here at Oreo Villa
And watch other people eat Oreos

I don't eat Oreos
Because they remind me of Paris
But I do enjoy watching others
Engage in their culinary divinity

Oreo Villa is known for two things

Oreos and the Man who Stands on His Head

He's famous for standing that way
Every single day since he was born

On the day of his birth, his mother put him upside down
And he's remained that way ever since

He speaks and laughs and tells stories
And every once in awhile he drinks
But it's an incredibly difficult process for him

The locals say that he has wisdom
Pouring out of him

Then again, he's upside down all the time
So I suppose it only stands to reason
That something should be pouring out of him

And if it were wisdom
It would mean wisdom comes from the feet
Which isn't all that strange if you really think about it

I went to the Man Who Stands on His Head
And after putting the raspberry token in his mouth
He asked--

'What is it you want to know?'

Except the words came out upside down
So it sounded like--

'Myef is if hon meuf fo kuom?'

Luckily I speak excellent upside down
Since Isabella used to love hanging her head down
To look underneath her bed
Where I'd be tanning
And reading US Weekly

I asked the Man Who Stands on His Head
When I would stop missing Isabella
And little Stanley
And my life
As it was

I wanted to know if I should get a new little friend
And a new little dog
And perhaps new shoes
Just because my new new shoes
Weren't looking new enough anymore

That was when the Man Who Stands on His Head
Stopped me
By holding down his hand
And saying--

'Mariella,' he said, 'Get real.'

It was the first time anybody had ever said that to me

Get real?

Real?

I'd never been real before

Some imaginary people have, of course

They start out as real people
And then just...fabricate themselves

But me--I'm Mariella

Everything about me is unreal
Exaggerated, whimsical
Fictional, elaborate

Unfathomable!

But the Man Who Stands on His Head
Is revered for his wisdom
And also, his ability to tell the difference
Between fries from Sam's Fry Shack
And Sam Jr.'s Fry Shack
Which is a skill no mere mortal could have

So his advice to me must have value

'Get real'

But reality is such a dangerous thing

It involves emotions
And vulnerability
And pain
And anger
And aging!

I reminded the Man Who Stands on His Head about all that
And he said--

'Aren't you feeling all of that anyway?'

I hadn't realized it, but...I suppose I had

I suppose without realizing it
I'd become
A real person

. . . . .

The minute I saw her
I knew she was

The doctors let me hold her
And I exhaled her name

Isabella

My husband was standing next to me
Crying lightly on the side of my face
Like a soft rain

In less than ten years
I will stop loving this man
Because he will become less real to me
More imaginary

I'll start to see dotted lines
Around his body
And his words
And our marriage
And everything else

Except for our baby girl

My Isabella

What she doesn't understand now
That she will one day

Is that one day her mother
The ogre who made her father move out
Used to be a completely different person

A silly young girl
Who traveled the world
With a little dog
That she lost on a train platform
Somewhere in Zurich

She'll learn that it was a wonderful sort of life
Her mother led
And she gave it all up
Willingly and lovingly
To have her little girl

Sometimes I think the trick to being a mother
Is to stay imaginary

To be there for your child
When she doesn't know it
And when she doesn't want it

When she doesn't want you there anymore

When Chris and I found out we were getting a divorce
We had Isabella see a therapist
Because we were concerned that she was still playing with imaginary friends
Although secretly there was one I wanted her to keep

Mariella

I don't know why it never occurred to Isabella
That her best imaginary friend's name
Was the same name as her mother's
But I guess it never seemed strange to her

Then I started hearing her talk about things Mariella said and did
About her travels
And her carefree ways of living
And her little dog Stanley

And I wondered--how did Isabella know about all that?

But I didn't ask because...

Well, little girls outgrow their mothers
But it was nice to see that Isabella was having trouble
Outgrowing Mariella

When she told me that she had bid Mariella farewell
A little part of me felt disappointed
Even though that's what we sent her to Dr. Stanz for

I felt like Mariella was my last connection
To my little girl

And with the divorce
And her father wanting to see her more often
I wondered if she and I were going to have any connection at all

Then, as I was making her breakfast
Isabella said to me--

'Mama, will you be my new best friend?'

I turned around
And saw her sitting at the kitchen table

An eight-year-old taking full grasp of reality
At an age when so much is supposed to remain blissfully surreal
And I saw a panic in her eyes

She didn't know what I was going to say

She didn't know if I would be her friend

I knelt down next to her at the table
And said--

'Bella, you've always been my best friend.'

Before I started to cry
I gave her a big hug
And while she was in my arms
I looked out the window

And out in the yard
Right on the surface of the pool
Where the water looks like a layer of blue crystal
There was a locomotive
Filled with all sorts of people

Magicians, and bears, and astronauts
And a man standing on his head

And standing in front of the train
Was a little dog with tap shoes on

And from what I could see
He was wagging his tail
Pleased about something

Then he ran back onto the train
And the whole thing took off
Going down into the blue water of the pool

Barely making a ripple
Across the surface

Play Mariah

Don’t pretend you don’t know
What I’m going to say

It’s Christmas

And you know what that means

That means it’s time to play Mariah

Oh sure

Play Johnny Mathis
Play Burl Ives
Play Bing Crosby

But when you’re ready to close the night

Play Mariah

Because it’ll put you in a good mood
Because it’ll make you feel like wrapping presents
Not buying presents, but wrapping presents

Because it goes perfect with the smell of Christmas cookies
And the sight of a tree all lit up

Because it’s fun to dance to
Because it’s fun to sing along with
Because it’s fun, just plain fun

When you play Mariah during the holidays
You remember why you loved them in the first place

Because once a year
We’re all given an opportunity
To settle old grudges
To hug our co-workers
To look at each other and say ‘I wish you peace and happiness’
And really mean it

Because when you hear Mariah
You remember that it’s possible
To start again

To install joy and love and goodwill
Into your life

And it’s not about the presents
Or the decorations
Or the line at Target
Where several people got thrown in jail
For engaging in ninja combat

It’s about the fact that as long as you got a roof over your head
Clothes on your back, food on your table
And people who love you

Every day is a holiday

So play Mariah

And to all—a good night

The Boogeyman

...So there I am hiding under the bed

And it turns out Isabella's at her friend's house for the night

So what am I doing under the bed?

Total waste of time, you know?

I mean, I'm the Boogeyman

I got better things to do
Than hang out underneath a bed all night

You know how many kids I could have been scaring
While I was waiting under there?

So I go back to the Agency
And I say--

'Excuse me?  Why didn't anyone tell me Isabella was at a sleep-over?'

And everybody's just standing there looking at me
Like I have two heads
Like Bob in accounting

I'm telling you
One of these days
I'm going to become a free agent

What's the point of being represented
If you're not being represented, you know what I mean?

I'm surprised I'm even here

Do you know the last time I had a night off?

I'll give you a hint--it was right after I scared Poe...the first time

But you know, I like Faith
She's the hostess
I don't know if you know her
Maybe you're someone's date?
You never can tell

Faith and I are pals
I love a kid who screams when you scare her

Faith's got this real blood-curdling scream she can do
When you really surprise her

So anyway, the other night
I jump out of her closet
And she just sits there

Which is not like Faith

I was very concerned

So I sat down next to you on the bed
And we got to talking
And she told me she's throwing this party
This divorce party
Because her parents are splitting up
And can I come
Because she's going to say good-bye
To all her imaginary friends
And that includes me
Even though I'm more of an acquaintance

Something like a co-worker

I scare her, she gets scared
It's more of a business thing

'So wait a minute,' I said, 'You're not going to be scared of me anymore?'

And she kind of looked down away from me
And that's when I realized
That she already wasn't scared of me

At first, I got all defensive

I popped out my eyeballs
And turned my tongue into a live snake
But she just shook her head
And I turned back into my only mildly terrifying self

'How long have you been...feeling this way,' I asked

That's when she told me

She was never really scared of me

She just thought if she didn't scream
Every time I appeared
Then I wouldn't go see her anymore
And she thought I was...

And this is the word she used
And I'm telling you, it stung, but...

...She said she thought I was...

...Funny

Do you know what that feels like?

To hear someone say you're 'funny?'

Especially a little girl
Who still sleeps with a stuffed bear
Named Rudy?

It got me to thinking

How many other kids aren't scared of me?

It isn't like the old days
When all you had to do to get a kid to wet the bed
Was shout 'Boo!' and detach your head
From the rest of your body

Now kids got the video games
And the scary movies
And the zombies on the tv

How am I supposed to compete with all that?

Plus, I don't want to traumatize anybody
Just get a good scare in now and again

But the days of the small scare are over

Now your only option is sheer terror

No wonder I'm getting put out of business

Maybe that's why the Agency sent me to Isabella's when she wasn't there
Maybe they know I don't have it anymore
And they're saving the real jobs
For guys who can still get it done

So I figured I'd come party a little
Have a few laughs
Maybe even chat up that intergalactic ballerina over there

You know somewhere in the world right now
There's an older woman
Who just decided to stop being afraid
To stop living in fear

I'm glad it didn't take Faith until she was an old woman to get there

I'm glad she's not afraid
Of what's ahead

I wish I could say the same for me

Molly the Perfect Mom

You know what I say to my daughter?

I say--what I say is--

You're the most perfect daughter in the world

Because she is

My daughter is the most perfect daughter in the world

And I simply have to tell her everyday

Because otherwise
She might forget

Wouldn't it be terrible if she forgot?

Do you know Faith, the little girl who's throwing this party?

She and I are the best of friends
And she tells me that her mother
Hardly ever speaks to her at all

Can you imagine?

It's one thing to forget to buy your daughter presents everyday
That happens to the best of us

But to not even speak to her!

I asked Faith how she and her mother were joined
And she didn't know what I meant

Apparently her mother just had her
As if she were a sneeze or something

So I told Faith that when I wanted a daughter
I had to walk into the ocean
Into its deepest part

And wait there until somebody told me
That my little girl was ready for me

Then I swam up to the top
And when I got there
I found a thousand boats waiting for me

It was a city of boats

Some big, some small
All of them filled with people

One boat was eighteen stories high
And there was a little rope ladder that went from the deck
To the bottom of the ocean where I was

And I didn't know why
But something told me
That my daughter was on that boat

Because that boat was the hardest to get to
And if you want the perfect daughter
You have to travel the longest road

(Or scale the tallest boat, as the case may be)

So I climbed the rope ladder

(By the way--did I mention that I was wearing a blue evening gown?

I wanted to look nice when I met my daughter)

Up I went

Up all eighteen stories

And when I got to the deck of the ship
There were children everywhere

Hundreds and hundreds of children

All wearing little tuxedos and evening gowns
Like the one I was wearing

All sipping apple cider from tiny little glasses
And laughing at jokes I didn't understand
Because it had been quite awhile
Since I'd been born

I went around the deck of the ship
Looking for my daughter

I knew I'd recognize her
Because she'd be the most perfect daughter on the ship
But I still couldn't see her
In the crowd of so many children

I kept searching and searching
From one end of the ship to the other
But I couldn't find her

Then, I heard it...

A small sound coming from a boat
All the way down
Back at the top of the ocean

I looked down over the deck
And there she was--my little girl

Standing in a tiny ship
Looking eighteen stories up

That's when I realized...

While I was looking for her
She was looking for me

I ran to the rope ladder
To go down and get her

And that's when the storm began

The boat started rocking from side to side
And the rope ladder flew away from my hands
And then slammed back into the side of the ship

All the little children started getting in lifeboats
And dropping down into the ocean

I saw a dark cloud ahead of me
Dip its hands into the water
And pull up a wave
That was thirty-six stories tall

All the other boats that were in the ocean
Were getting swallowed up

And the little children in their lifeboats
Were pulling out oars
To try and row away from it

The entire city I had found
Was about to be pulled underwater

That was when I looked down
And saw my perfect little girl
With her hands reaching up towards me

Lifeboats all around her
With the other children
Trying to pull her into their boats
And save her

I looked at the blackness before me
The cloud and the storm and the wave
All becoming one imminent danger

'Imminent' was on my word-of-the-day calendar years ago
And it means 'something's going to happen whether you like it or not'

I remembered that word
And I jumped

When I woke up
I was laying on the sand

The little lifeboat half-buried next to me
On the deserted beach

In the distance, I heard the sound of a ship's horn
My rescue boat
Coming to save me

But nothing without my little girl

Then I heard that soft sound again

This time from underneath the sand

I started digging
Digging with my bare hands

I knew that once the rescue boat got there
They were going to tell me that I was crazy
That I never had a little girl
That it was all in my imagination

The ship
And the storm
And the children in tuxedos
And blue evening gowns

I kept digging and digging
And finally, I saw it

A little face wrapped in a golden blanket

I lifted the blanket out of the sand
And there she was
All of her

Safe in my arms

It was like I had found a buried treasure

And I looked down at her
And I said--

'You're perfect'

It was the first time I'd ever said it to her
And I've said it everyday since

My mother used to tell me
That you could always tell if a love would survive
By the size of its story

So I feel lucky to have such a large story
And I feel bad that Faith's mother just had her

I suppose even in that instance
A love could survive

But you'd have to work so much harder at it

You have to listen
To hear the sound
Of someone with such a small voice
Asking you to find them

Otherwise the voice is lost
In the noise
Of the storm

Agent Stevens

Miss Faith, I have told you before
I am not at this party to enjoy myself
I am here because I have been hired
To protect you

My last assignment was a girl named Cindy

She was in high school
And I have to say
There were a lot less dangers
When I was guarding her

I would have kept that post
But Cindy ended up transferring to an all-girl school
And well, they wouldn't let me stay in the dorms with her

You put one fourteen-year-old girl
In a chokehold
After she has failed to answer the security password
And suddenly you're a monster

Then I took your assignment

Third grade seemed like an easy enough post
Until I realized
That third grade
Is the Beirut
Of primary education

It's probably better that the only people here are imaginary, Miss Faith
Although I still have concerns about Nina the Elephant
Larger mammals are usually known to have closer ties to socialism

Although right at this moment
That's the least of our worries

Your friend Tony Hooper has been getting us some good information

He's a double double double agent

He's working for us making them think he's working for them
Making them think he's working for us to work for them
When in reality, he's working for nobody

And that's just how we like it

The only way we get information out of him
Is to promise him ham

We forked over a little pig sandwich to him recently
And he sang like an opera singer being held underwater
Right before his head explodes

Apparently Fat Pants has been running an evil empire
Out of the arts supplies closet
Made up of some of the second graders
That he keeps in a permanent sugar haze
Using the box of twinkies his mom gives him for lunch everyday

They've got their sights set on you, Miss Faith
And I have to tell you
I don't think eliminating all of your imaginary friends
Is a good idea right now

I realize what your therapist says
But Dr. Stanz does not realize
The imminent danger that is being posed
By the tangible word

'Tangible' was on your father's word-a-day calendar last month
It means 'for real, like seriously'

If you were to dismiss some of your imaginary friends
Such as myself
And the Fat Pants Empire were to strike at you

(And presumably, at some point, strike back)

You would be left completely unprotected

You're just a little girl
You can't fight an entire crime syndicate off on your own!

It's madness, Miss Faith!

It's not like your parents can help you
Now that they're...

That they're no longer going to be cohabitating
At the same residence

That means you need back-up
And that's why I must insist
That I remain in your mentality
Until you're old enough not to need me anymore

Plus we were supposed to go to Coaster World next week
And you know I love Coaster World

And you need me there!

Coaster World is full of secret places
Where rogue panda bears could jump out at you
If they so chose

The world is full of dangers
Obstacles, potential life-threatening scenarios
Escaped zoo animals

We're still not completely convinced that you don't have a nut allergy!

I'm just not satisfied
That you'll be safe
On your own

I'm not sure I'll be able to...

...I'm sorry, Miss Faith

Clearly, I have developed an unhealthy
Emotional attachment to you

This has never happened to me before

It's just that...

My assignment was to take care of you
Until you're old enough to take care of yourself

And I'm not sure when that is

At what point is a person capable
Of making themselves safe?

I can't figure it out

I simply can't

So I apologize, Miss Faith
And with this knowledge
Perhaps it is best
If I find another assignment

Perhaps something that doesn't age

Like a mermaid
Or a rock with a face painted on it

I'll miss being in your employ, Miss Faith
But if I'm being honest
You've been taking care of yourself for some time now

I've just been standing a few feet behind you
Watching you learn how to grow up

Bebe the Intergalactic Ballerina

The thing to remember is--

And I say this to little Faith all the time

The thing to remember is
That it's not about the dancing

Some ballerinas--that are not intergalactic ballerinas--will tell you
That it's about the dancing

And those ballerinas
Are ugly

They're ugly ballerinas
Because all they care about
Is the dancing

I don't think about the dancing at all
And that's why I'm the best intergalactic ballerina that ever lived

And that's why everyone loves me
Even the ugly people
That don't understand
Why I'm so fantastic

They adore me
Everybody does

Even the Pozars from the Zuwhar Galaxy love me
And they eat their own mothers
As soon as they're born

The trick is not to think about it
Not to think about any of it

The other day, I was in school with Faith
As I usually am
Because what else am I doing
During the day
Besides trying not to stare at myself
In the mirror all day

Faith's third grade classroom
Has no mirrors in it
So it's perfect for distracting myself
Away from...myself

I usually just stand on Faith's desk
And practice my positions
While Faith learns addition
Or subtraction
Or...addition

Where was I?

Right, on Faith's desk

And I heard the teacher say something
About introducing a new student

So I turn and look
And wouldn't you know
That standing there
Is the prettiest little girl
I have ever seen

Prettier than the Olovian Sun
Which can only be seen
From the two out of the seven Nuwar planets

And Faith is just devastated
Because right away she knows what I know
Which is that this little girl
Is much, much prettier than her

Oh, you can groan and moan
But I'm trying to help the child accept facts
And facts are facts
And the facts are
That little girl was much prettier than Faith

And by lunch time
None of the boys were talking to Faith
And none of her friends were interested in her day
Or that her parents are getting a divorce
Or that her father is probably seeing a much younger woman named Candy
Or that she's going to throw a party--this party--to get rid of all her imaginary friends

All they care about is the pretty little new girl

So I had to tell her--

'Faith, you just have to learn to stop caring.  As soon as you stop caring about how much prettier the new little girl is, nobody else will either.'

And I told her about the time I was dancing
In the Jupiter ballet
That has recently moved to Neptune
Due to arts funding being cut
All over Jupiter

And I related the story of when a new girl came into the dance company
And I was forced to become the 2nd Prettiest Ballerina in the dance company
And even though I was still the best intergalactic ballerina
It didn't matter
Because I wanted to be the prettiest intergalactic ballerina

So

I acted like I didn't care
And pretty soon I didn't care
And as soon as I didn't care
The new ballerina exploded into a million pieces
And everybody forgot that she even existed
And all was right within the Universe

'But,' said Faith, 'When I don't care, I don't feel right.'

I laughed at how silly she sounded

'Of course you don't feel right,' I said, 'When you stop caring, you're not really a human being anymore.  You're an intergalactic ballerina.  That's why we rule the Universe, Faith, because we don't care and because we don't care we're invincible and it's fantastic!'

I would have kept talking to her
But I still hadn't practiced my leaps
And there was a race of three-horned Fangars on Pluto
That had to be eradicated
With beauty and poise

...And laser guns

A few minutes ago I ran into her
In the grand ballroom
And she looked upset

I wasn't surprised

Between the pretty new girl in school
And her parents divorcing
Faith must be so tempted to care
About all of it

So I told her to remember

Remember not to care

And she said--'Bebe, if I stop caring about the bad stuff.  Won't I have to stop caring about the good stuff, too?'

And you know...

I never thought of it that way

I never thought about the good stuff
Because I was so frightened of the bad stuff

When you've been shot at by Gogorian Warriors
While trying to perform Swan Lake
You start to think that maybe it would be easier
If you just turned off your feelings altogether

But maybe Faith is right

Maybe I have been missing out

I can't remember the last time I enjoyed dancing

I worry so much about doing it perfectly
And not caring about doing it perfectly
And not caring if other people like me
And caring about how much I need to stop caring
About if other people like me
Or think that I'm pretty
Or a good intergalactic ballerina

I worry and worry and worry
And I never stop worrying

Which doesn't sound like not caring at all

So maybe I should start caring

Maybe I should start thinking about the dancing

Because maybe if I do
I can actually remember
Why I love it
So much

Rudy the Bear

I've always wanted to be funny

That's why Faith invited me to this party
Because I want to be funny

But I'm not

I'm not at all funny

But Faith thinks it's funny
That I'm not funny
But that I want to be funny

She says--Rudy, nobody expects bears to be funny.

And I say--Faith, nobody here thinks I'm a bear.  You're the only one who sees that I'm a bear.

Just like she's the only one who sees that Nina is an elephant

I only know she's an elephant
Because she told me
After I told her a very bad joke about an elephant

'I'm offended,' she said
'Oh come on,' I said, 'The joke wasn't that bad.'
'No,' she said, 'I'm offended because I'm an elephant.'

Then I laughed because I thought she was making a joke
But it turns out she really is an elephant

It's hard to tell who here is what
Because we see each other as normal imaginary people
Whereas Faith sees us as we truly are

So I'm a bear who wants to be funny but isn't

And not only do people not see me as a bear
But they don't even see that I'm not funny

No matter what I say, they laugh at me

Even though Nina was offended by my joke
She still laughed

'Nina,' I said, 'I thought you were offended.'
'Well, I am,' she said, 'But it was a funny joke.  Next time make it about hippos.  They're nothing but lazy idiots.  Just steer clear of elephant jokes.  We're a very sensitive species.'

I know I'm not funny
But nobody else does

Every time I tell a joke, I cringe

Oh, they all start out fine
But somewhere on the way to the punch line
They fall apart

The worst are my jokes about Paris

I had Faith's favorite imaginary friend Mariella
Give me some details about Paris
And then I made up an entire comic routine about it

Mariella laughed and laughed when she heard my jokes
But I knew they were only funny
Because she'd given me the source material

I ended up scrapping the entire act

It's hard when you know you're something
And everybody around you thinks you're something else

Everyone here thinks I'm a funny imaginary person
When I know I'm a boring imaginary bear

About an hour ago I went out onto the veranda
Where Faith had them set up a cotton candy machine
And a shooting star net
To catch all the stars that are going to fall
At midnight

I hopped in the net
And started to cry

Elephants may be sensitive
But bears are downright emotional

I felt someone hop into the net with me

It was Faith

'Rudy,' she said, 'What's wrong?'

So I told her how everybody thinks I'm funny
But I'm really not

It doesn't matter if I tell a joke
And everybody likes it

It matters if I like it

It matters what I want to be
What I say I am

And then I got mad at her

I didn't want to, but I did

'Why did you make me unfunny,' I asked her, 'You made all of us.  We all come from your head.  And you didn't make me funny!  I don't want to be anything at all but funny, and you didn't make me that.'

'Rudy,' she said, 'I did make you funny.'

'Then why didn't you make me think I'm funny,' I asked, 'Why didn't you make me so that I could like myself?'

I started to cry again
And Faith put her nose
Up against my snout
The way she does
When she wants to cheer me up

'Rudy,' she said, 'I could have made you the brightest and prettiest diamond in the world.  But I can only make you what you are.  I can't make you see yourself for what you are.  I made your eyes, Rudy, but what you see with them is up to you.'

Then she snuggled up next to me
And said--'Look, do you see that?'

A star came down

It landed right in the next in front of us

It was blue and green and purple
And it was stuffed full of light

Just having it near me made me feel happy

And as I looked into that star
I saw that it was beautiful

I picked it up with my two paws
And from behind me
I heard people gasp

When I turned around
I saw all the party guests
Looking at me

'What's so funny,' I asked

That's when I realized that they were looking at me
Really looking at me

'Rudy,' said Nina, 'You're a bear'

Then she started laughing

'Why are you laughing,' I asked, 'Bears aren't funny'

'I'm laughing,' said Nina, 'Because a bear holding a shooting star is funny, Rudy.  It's the most darling thing I've ever seen.'

And then I looked down at the star
And inside of it I could see my reflection
I saw what everybody else saw

And I started to laugh

And as I laughed
More stars came down
And each one of the guests
Grabbed one and picked it up
And started laughing

And as they began to laugh
I saw them for what they really were

Nina was an elephant
A beautiful pink elephant

And the other guests were animals
And objects
And all different sorts of wonderful things

And I saw them

I really saw them

I looked down at Faith in the net
And she smiled at me

'What do you see, Rudy,' she asked

I put down the shooting star
And I picked her up with my paws

'I see a good friend,' I said, 'A friend who saw me before I could see myself'

And I began to dance her around the veranda
While the other guests danced with the stars

And we laughed
And we laughed
And we laughed

Faith the Twenty-Seventh

I was made in 2121
When they finally perfected cloning
As well as aging techniques
For the clones

Then I was sent back in time
Which is how I wound up here
At this party

I'm very glad I managed to live until now

The first clones all turned into apricots
Within minutes of being born
And not good apricots either

Rotten apricots
Which are the worst kind of rotten

The first Faith clone was a blue apricot

How horrible is that?

I'm very glad that I'm Faith the Twenty-Seventh

I suppose I could also have been Faith the Twenty-Fifth
Or the eighth or the blue apricot

I suppose it may be something I just don't remember

. . . . .

So why get upset about it?

I take joy in knowing
That I'm one of the few clones
That can be friends
With their Original

Faith and I are best buddies

I love when she asks me questions
About what I like

Or rather, what I still like

'Do you still like spaghetti with nothing but grated cheese on it?'

'Nooooooooooo'

'Do you still like movies with princesses?'

'Yesssssssssssss'

'Do you still get sad?'

'...Sometimes...'

That's what she always asks me

Do I get sad?

I suppose I do

But it's a different sort of sad

It's an adult sad

And to be honest with you

And I have to be honest

Because they took out my ability to be dishonest

To be honest with you

I don't remember what child sad feels like

I was only a child for three months

Then they aged me into my teenage years

I got to be twelve for an hour

It was an awkward hour

I spent most of it sleeping

I met Faith the First when I was twenty-two

I baby-sat for her
While her mother went out for the night
And left her with that old woman
Who fell asleep watching an old person movie

She asked me what I still like
And I asked her what it's like being a child

I've only experienced three Christmases
And I don't celebrate my birthday very much
Because I seem to have them so often

I'm looking forward to being twenty-seven
Because I'll be Faith the Twenty-Seventh
At twenty-seven

. . . . .

None of the other Faiths made it to twenty-seven

. . . . .

That's sad, isn't it?

I hate being sad

Adult sad is not a nice kind of sad

They say that when I die
Which I will
Because everything dies
Even if I were the most well-made clone ever
I would still die

Anyway, they say that when I die
They'll take away Faith the Twenty-Eight's ability
To feel sad
Which will be very nice for her

Plus she'll be named Faith the Twenty-Eighth

Isn't that fun?

Sometimes I see Faith looking at me

She's trying to figure out
Whether or not I'm pretty
Because she thinks that'll tell her
Whether or not she's going to be pretty

I keep telling her that pretty
Is something you live into

And I didn't get a chance to live into anything
So she really can't go by me

But still she looks

So I smile

And she smiles back

And we don't look anything like each other

It's very strange

. . . . .

Sometimes I pretend she's my daughter
Because I'm not going to have a daughter

Clones can't

At least, not yet

They haven't figured out a way to make us...

...Able

So I pretend Faith is my daughter
Because she acts like me
Even if she doesn't look like me

We sneeze the same way
We say 'ewww' the same way
We're both scared of open-toed shoes

I imagine that she's my daughter
And that I'm her mother
And I have her tell me her dreams
And I pretend that I don't know they're going to change
Even though I know they will
Because they don't sound like the dreams I have

She's like a story I know the ending to
An ending I don't like

So I try to stay focused on the beginning
Because in the beginning
Everything's just wonderful

And I see that sometimes I make her sad
Because she looks at me
And understands that one day she'll have to get older
And her dreams will change
And she'll still be afraid of sandals

And it seems like a bad deal
And I suppose it is

But it can't be helped

It can be improved

I suppose by Faith the Thirtieth they'll have it
Or Faith the Eighty-Seventh
Or Faith the Hundredth

I suppose

But they didn't get it with me

They didn't get me right

I'm not perfect

I'm afraid
I'm sad
I'm worried
I'm distracted
I'm old

But I can take comfort in knowing
That one day they'll fix all that

I can take comfort in hope
In the hope I have for Faith

For...my little girl

Maybe by the time she's twenty-seven
They'll have it all worked out

The Running Man

Sorry I'm so sweaty
I just ran here from Japan
Where I had to run up and down a building
Because a little boy was trapped on the roof
And wanted to get down

Other people tried walking up the building
But the Special Rescue Police knew that you had to run up the building
Otherwise you'd just fall back down again

So they called me

Oh wait, have we met?
I'm Roger the Running Man

I run

I run pretty much everywhere

Faith and I are excellent wonderful friends
But we hardly ever get to see each other
Because I'm so busy running

Last week I ran to Hawaii
Where there was a giant storm
And all of Hawaii
Had to be brought to Alaska
And then I had to go back to Hawaii
Because none of the Hawaiians brought their winter clothes with them
Because we were in such a hurry to leave

By the time I got back, I was exhausted
And I completely forgot that I had promised Faith
I'd walk her home from school

She has to be walked home
Now that her parents are...

Well, they keep forgetting
That she's a little girl
And little girls can't walk home by themselves

So sometimes, because she..gets nervous
I mean, the walk from school isn't so bad
But you never know

So she runs

And I taught her how

Just in case I can't be there with her
I taught her how to run really fast
So she can get home in no time at all

And when I can
I run with her

But it's hard
Because I'm always running

Not to anywhere in particular
I just feel the need to be on the move

Oh sure, I do things once I get somewhere
But I'm never sure where I'm going
So it's difficult to make plans

Usually I just wait for someone to need me
And then that's where I go

And even then, it seems like I'm needed an awful lot

When I got back from Hawaii last week
Faith was mad at me

'What's wrong, Faith' I asked

'Why can't you ever run home with me like you promise to?'

I don't remember making any promises
But I'm sure I did

I just love the way that word sounds

'Promise'

Sometimes I forget
That there's more to it
Than the way it sounds

'I'm sorry, Faith,' I said, 'But there were so many emergencies today.  A man in Mexico needed to be at his doctor's appointment at three and his car broke down and his mule was tired and the doctor's office closes at three oh two, so he only had a two minute window and...'

That's when I noticed
That she was crying

'Why aren't I important,' she asked, 'Why am I the least important person you know?'

And I thought, Well that's not true!

My friend Faith is the MOST important person I know
More important than anyone

But she's also the quietest person I know
And sometimes you forget the quiet people
Because all the other people are making so much more noise

I really wanted to stay and do something nice for Faith
To show her that I was sorry
But then I remembered that I had borrowed my friend Randy's running shoes
And I had to get them back to him five minutes before I showed up at Faith's house

I didn't know what to say
And usually that means
It's because you're trying to find something to say
Other than what's true

So instead I just told Faith the truth

'Faith,' I said, 'I'm a running man.  I can't help it.  And I guess running men shouldn't be friends with little girls who need them.'

Faith nodded, and wiped some tears away

'They shouldn't be dads either,' she said

And I guess she was right

But you know, as soon as I ran away from her
And brought Randy's shoes back to him
And then ran to the circus to see my friend Loli the Acrobat perform
And then ran to New York to see the Statue of Liberty sneeze
And then ran to France to dance the last dance at my friend Sissy's wedding
I realized that I was tired

I was really tired of running

But by then it was too late

I'd already run away

Nobody ever tells a running man
He can't run forever

Then I remembered that Faith was having a party today
And I took a deep breath
The deepest breath I've ever taken
And I ran all the way here

And that's why I'm so sweaty
And that's why I'm so tired
And that's why I look so nervous

Because I don't want to run anymore
I just want to be Faith's friend

But I'm scared that she won't want me
I'm scared that she'll take one look at me
And walk away

Nina the Pink Elephant

What a lovely party

Isn’t this a lovely party?

I’m so glad Faith invited me

I’m so glad to be here

Then again, I’m glad to be anywhere

Especially since I’m dead

But here’s a particularly nice place to be

Oh, I hope I didn’t shock you by mentioning that I’m dead

Don’t worry

It’s not like it defines my life

You see—

When an elephant dies

It's given a choice

Perhaps it's the same for humans

I really wouldn't know

There's a darkness

And then a light

And then a question is posed to you

'How would you like to spend the rest of your life?'

Perhaps I should start from the beginning…

I once lived in a beautiful village

With my husband Walter

We had a wonderful life

But we wanted a child

And we were going to have one and then…

We weren’t

We lost it—the child, I mean, it…

It never came

It's strange to talk about it

And I feel bad

I feel bad talking about it at a party atmosphere

Such as this one

Where there are such lovely h'ordeuvres

But at the same time

It took up such a large portion of my life

I feel like I have nothing else to talk about

Especially since I never was allowed to talk about it

We tried to have other babies

But I couldn’t

I just couldn’t

And Walter would say--It's fine, it's fine

He'd say, It's the stress from the poachers taking your sister

And admittedly, the stress didn’t help

And I did miss my sister

But the other elephants were having calves

And they had all lost family members to the poachers

Eventually I realized I had to do something

Something drastic

An elephant has to have more elephants

That’s just the way things are

It was seeing Walter make eyes at Jennifer

The prettiest elephant in our group

That made my decision for me

I knew what he was thinking

If I couldn't have a baby for him

Then someone had to

He would keep me on as a wife

But I wouldn't be the mother to his calf

And I knew what that life was like

My father had a wife that couldn’t have babies

Before he married my mother

His first wife, Sarah

Would follow behind us when we went anywhere

With her eyes downcast

And her trunk dragging along the ground

I wasn't going to be like Sarah

I knew I could have a baby

If I could just feel safe about it

That's why I did what I did

. . . . .

I knew they were staying in the village

To the west of the watering hole

The men with cameras

The scouting expedition

That's what the monkeys told us they were

They were here from a place in the States

Where they put elephants in nice, large pens

Designed to simulate life in the wild

But without the dangers

If you got to go there

You could spend the rest of your life

Being content

Being fed

Being taken care of

And what they loved more than anything

Was helping animals have children

Because in the States

They love baby animals

I'd mention to Walter the idea

Of walking near the village

To see if we could get them to take us

But he said I was crazy

'A pen in the States?  You mean a cage?  That's what you want for us, Nina?  For our baby?'

He walked away from me--disgusted

I told myself he was against the idea

Because he wanted to be with Jennifer, the pretty elephant

Because he'd given up on us

I thought that if he was forced to be with me

If we traveled together to the States

And they helped us have a child

That things would be better

So that night

When everyone else was asleep

I went to the village

I had to make sure they didn't take just me

But Walter

I didn't want to go to America by myself

So I ran

I ran into the village

Because I wanted them to wake up

I wanted them to see me

And then…

Follow me back

To where Walter was

And the men and women came out of their huts

And screamed

Thinking I was mad

I tried to see if I could pick out the Americans

I thought they would look different

I wanted them to follow me back home

So they could see me and Walter together

So they could see how perfect our baby would be

For their place with the simulated jungle

And the daily feedings

And the children on zoo trips!

When I felt that people were chasing me

I ran back  to Walter as fast as I could go

When I reached the others

Some of the elephants were already awake

Hearing the commotion coming from the village

I saw Walter coming towards me

He'd been worried, I could tell

When he woke up and I wasn't there

He did miss me

He loved me

He was scared for me

That was when I heard the shot

And Walter fell

And he didn’t get up

. . . . .

Some of the elephants got away

Jennifer was one of them, I think

I thought I saw her running back into the jungle

As the shots were going off

I didn't try to run

I just sat by Walter

I just waited

When an elephant dies

It's given a choice

Perhaps it's the same for humans

I really wouldn't know

There's a darkness

And then a light

And then a question is posed to you

'How would you like to spend the rest of your life?'

Because, you see

There's a life on earth

And a life beyond it

I had thrown away my life on earth

And I had ended the lives of others unnecessarily

Because of my own fear and selfishness

So when I saw the light

I saw Walter

And our child

And all the children we would have had

I even saw Sarah

And my sister

The one taken by the poachers

And I could have chosen to stay there

With the ones I loved

But I knew I had to make up

For what I had done

And I remembered my mother

Telling me the story of Atlas

The man who held the world on his shoulders

And I remember admiring him

For his strength

And for taking on so much responsibility

For holding up all the world's pain

So when the question was posed--

'How would you like to spend the rest of your life?'

I remember answering--'Like Atlas.  I'd like to hold up the world.'

. . . . .

Now I'm so many places

Including the bedroom of a little girl named Faith

Whose parents are fighting down in the living room

We don’t talk about the fighting

Faith and I

We just sit

Generally I’ll go anywhere

Where people aren’t talking

Where people don't like to talk

About what it is

They should be talking about

Bedrooms

Hospital waiting rooms

Pretty much everywhere

It's astounding

I sit there, plain as day

Sometimes spilling out of the room I'm in

Into the hallway

Or the next room

And still, nobody talks about me

And that's fine

That's what I asked for

The ability to hold the weight and pain of others

So they won't have to

Until they can

And sometimes when they finally see me

And address me

They're still not ready

But I have no say about when that happens

I just try to do what I've been allowed to do

But tonight I’m here at Faith’s party

Because she asked me to be

It’s a wonderful party

I could stay here forever

But then I wouldn’t be doing my job

And that wouldn't be right

Although it is a wonderful party

Unfortunately I'm not allowed to come in my normal form

Faith sees me for what I am

A big elephant--a pink one

Because it's her party

And she likes pink

And as her guest, it's the least I can do

But everyone else sees me in a more acceptable form

Yes, I've noticed you looking at me strangely

Thinking--My word, this lovely woman in red talking to us

Thinks that she was an elephant in a past life

Well, yes, it was a past life

And I suppose if I wanted to

I could say that I was a woman

And nobody would be the wiser

I could make up a new past

A better one

One not quite as tragic

But the truth is

I'm an elephant

I'll always be an elephant

And that's simply something

I simply can't forget