If She Shows Up

If she shows up
I'll show her
My ripped up
Plane ticket

My empty suitcases
My empty planner
The empty spot in my wallet
Where my passport used to be

I'll sit and sing her comfort
Let her know
That for once
She met a man
Who isn't going to go

I'll tell her that halfway through writing my good-byes
I decided that my writer's block
Was my mind's way of telling me
That good-bye was the last thing
I wanted to write

So I called home and told them
That home had shifted

That it had morphed
Into this beautiful girl
That was going to show up
At any minute
And sit and watch
The waves with me

She thinks she's coming
To get a farewell
And instead I'm going to take her arms
And wrap them around me
So she can feel
How steady they are

That's if she shows up

See, a part of me
Thinks maybe
She decided not to come
Around the same time
I decided to stay

A part of me thinks
She decided to erase me
Rather than replace me
Or chase me back
To wherever I was from

A part of me thinks
That a part of me knows
That she isn't going to come

And if she doesn't come
Do I go find her?

Or do I take it as another sign
That I need to redesign my romantic notions
And head back to the Sunday afternoon movie
That's become my life

What do I do
If she doesn't show up?

I guess I'll just sit

Because eventually
She'll wonder what happened to me

She'll ask around
E-mail a few people
Find out
I never made it home

And a part of her
Will know
To come here

And I'll be sitting
Watching the waves
Then waving at her
And saying--

'What took you so long?'

Liddy Levitates

Liddy levitates
Because the pool is gone

The lining ripped
And her father was glad

Secretly glad

That he would no longer
Have to run the net across the top of the water
Seeing how many dead bugs
Would cling to it

Doing this made him think of mortality

It also prevented him
From enjoying the pool

Because he could see the ghosts of the dead bugs
Swimming by him in tiny bathing suits
As he'd attempt to relax
And float
In serenity

So when the lining ripped
He claimed financial hardship
As the reason he couldn't fix it
And went back to spending too much time on his lawn
Like a normal person

Her mother was more morose
About the pool lining ripping
But that was because
She didn't have to gather up the corpses
Of the dead bugs
Like her husband did

Liddy's mother knew a trick
That involved focusing on her body
So much
That it became filled with attention
And thereby sunk
To the bottom of the pool
Where she could lay for a solid seventeen minutes
Which was deemed impossible
By anybody who knew anything about science
And yet happened
Every time Liddy's mother
Got in the pool

'Sink, Mom, sink!' Liddy would say

And her mother would go down

Down, down, down
To the bottom

Then one day, while looking for something to do in her backyard
Liddy realized that if her mother was an expert at sinking
Then it only stood to reason
That she could be an expert at floating

Oh sure, it would be easier to float in a pool
But it couldn't be entirely necessary, could it?

Liddy stood in the place
Where the pool used to be
And slowly lifted up her left leg
Then her right
Then lay back
As if onto an invisible hammock
Or an invisible bunk bed
Or an invisible line in the air
That could be adjusted
And moved, if necessary

But again, very little was necessary
Because of how hot it was

Liddy would often hear her mother
Say something to that effect

As soon as the weather warmed up
It was--

'Liddy, stop jumping around.  It's too hot for it.  It's not necessary'

And--

'Liddy, I'm not cooking dinner tonight.  It's too humid for it.  It's not necessary.'

And--

'Liddy, stop asking your father about the pool.  It's late July.  People don't like being nagged in late July.  It's not necessary.'

Well, gravity didn't seem necessary either

And so Liddy levitated

. . . . .

When Liddy's mother looked out the kitchen window
She nearly dropped the turtle bowl
That Liddy ate her cereal out of

There was something Carribbean about the girl
That always scared her mother
But levitating was a step too far

She went out to the front lawn
And told her husband
To go bring Liddy down

But when Liddy's father heard about the levitation
He immediately thought of the bugs
And told his wife that Liddy was amongst them now

She was of a higher plane

'Of or on,' his wife said
'It doesn't matter,' he said, 'Why bring her down?  It's not necessary.'

Liddy's mother, ironically
Disagreed

What Liddy's father didn't tell her mother
Was that he felt it was pointless
To try and stop Liddy now

She was the reason
He took the steak knife
Out to the pool
And hacked at the lining
Until the water and ghosts
Poured forth unto the yard
And the living soil
Soaked up the excess
Of all that was dead
Or in limbo

There was something biblical about it

Liddy's father did this
Because he saw his daughter
Floating three inches
Above the water

She was half-asleep and half-aware
So he was able to slowly move her back down to the surface
Without her noticing
But it seemed like now she knew
That this was something she was capable of

It was then he knew
That the pool had to go

Between his daughter's floating
And his wife's sinking
Liddy's father found it increasingly hard to ignore
That his wife and his daughter
Were not going to die

Not the way he was, anyway

One would go down, down, down
Into the earth
And come up again
As a flower or an eggplant

The other would float up, up, up
Into the sky
And disappear from view
Like a child's balloon

And Liddy's father would simply die
Die and be forgotten

And so the pool was merely a reminder for him
Of not only his mortality
But his normalcy

His forgetabliity

He thought about this
As he mowed the lawn
And without meaning to
He mowed three feet down
Before he realized
How far he'd gone

. . . . .

Liddy's mother walked straight into the backyard
And up to her daughter

She examined her for a moment
To make sure she wasn't possessed
By either the Heat or the Devil

Then she rested her hand
On her daughter's shoulder
And began to fill her
With attention

Liddy began to sink to the ground
And so she instinctively put her hand
On her mother's shoulder

What happened next
Was a contradiction of sorts
Or perhaps more of a balancing equation

Liddy's mother was lifted
As Liddy was brought down

And so they found themselves
Facing each other

One of their hands
On the other one's shoulders

And they stayed this way
For a moment

With each paying attention to the other
Acknowledging for the first time
That there was something different
About themselves
And the person they were looking at

And also recognizing that perhaps
In some ways

They were alike

They stood there like that
Until Liddy's father
Climbed out of the hole in the front yard
And walked to the back

To see his daughter
And her mother

Keeping each other
Exactly
Where the other
Needed to be

It Was Never Going to Work

What I didn't tell you was...

It was never going to work

I don't know what I thought
But I never thought it would work
Not really

For a few years, maybe
Maybe even ten, you know?

Maybe a golden anniversary or two
But not--

Not forever

I didn't think it was going to be forever
I never thought that

Maybe 'cause I don't--

I don't know

I don't really believe in forever, I guess

I guess I believe in next year
And next week
And tomorrow
But forever

How am I supposed to believe in that?

My dad died two days after I was born
My mom gets killed crossing the street when I'm ten
One day I'm eighteen and I don't have anybody
Not anybody left

And I meet you
And you seem like somebody I can hold onto
For the time being
And then a few years go by
And suddenly I'm not happy
And people wanna know
How I got myself into it

How'd I get myself
Into my own unhappiness?

How the hell am I supposed to know, you know?

How was I supposed to know
Six years ago
What was going to make me happy today?

All I know is you made me happy
And then you didn't
And we're standing in the kitchen
And you're asking me
Why it's not working
And I know, you know

I know why

Because I picked you like a blind woman

I felt you in the dark
And I grabbed you
And then the lights came on
And I could feel other stuff there
Other things I could grab onto

Not men, you know
Not guys, just
Things

I still can't see for shit
But I know there's sturdier things out there
For me to lean on

But even back then
Even when I was groping around in the dark
I felt you
And I knew
You weren't going to hold forever

So now you're standing there
Saying--

'It's not working.  It's not working.'

Saying it like you believe
Like you believe
With all your heart
That it could
That it was
That it was going to forever

And I wish I had the guts--

I wish I had it in me
To tell you
That I knew

I knew from day one

I knew
It was never
Going to work

You Should Be Worried

You're looking at me
Like you're wondering
If you should be worried

Well, let me help you out
Okay?

Yeah

You should be worried

That I'm going to try charming him
Right out of your alarmingly constricted arms

That I'm going to win him over
With my deep, artistic soul

That I'm going to slyly bring his attention
To your controlling nature
And wager that last Christmas
Was probably your last Christmas
With him

If you think I'm going to use the same old methods
Other guys have tried
Than even I'm surprised
At how fried you are

And don't think I plan
On being a man you can't get along with

On the contrary, I'm going to be
Your new best friend

I'll see you through right to the end
And when the end arrives
I'll be the one driving you
To some other guy's house

Saying 'Wow, I'm so sorry'

Then kicking you out

I'll write on your wall
And call you up for drinks
Make you think
I'm just a good, good, good
Friend
Of the person you love
Then shove you aside
When the proper time comes

As for pity, well
I have no sympathy
For people who try to stop me
From getting what I want

Obviously I'm convinced
That he should be with me
Which means you'll be happy
And more importantly
Happier with somebody
More suited for thee

See, the thing is
You bore me
And I'm sure you bore him too

He just hasn't
Looked hard enough
At you

Yet

But you can bet he will

What chance do you have
Up against
A prolific specifically endearing
Artist
Who can hold up his soul
On a canvas
Five layers deep and unemcumbered
Then hold up yours
And make it look like paint-by-number

So slumber
Because there won't be any fights

You don't even know
That a storm's coming
One of these nights

But if you want to know
If you should be worried
About me

Well, I can say is--

Buddy, I would be

How Our Boyfriends Learned to Pose

We put the boys in heels
Heels first, then lipstick
Then we broached
Carefully, tenderly broached
The idea
Of
A dress

They gasped
We assured

'Just a dress,' we said

Just a dress

But then once the dress gap was breached
We applied wigs to their heads
That we bought
At a cheap costume shop
Going out of business
--And for good reason

The wigs made our boyfriends
Look like hookers from the disco era
Seventies gals
With an eighties attitude

We contemplated seeking out
Ripped fishnet stockings
And leather jackets
But then decided
That would be taking it too far

Instead we supplied the boys
With leopard-print skirts
And plastic jackets
With 'Kiss' buttons
On the front

We got them drunk
And shaved their legs
And whatever other parts
Appeared too masculine as well

It turns out our boyfriends
Have nice legs

Nicer than ours
In some cases
And this makes us very angry

So we apply more blush to their cheeks
And more crimp to their wigs
And finger and toenail polish
Along with smiley faces
And crescent moons

When they woke up
It was nearing midnight
The magic hour
Which meant shuffling them out the door
To a waiting cab
And taking them over the bridge
Where we could show them off
At clubs where ambiguity
Would be welcomed
With open arms

The boys--

--Our boys--

--were the talk of the town

With their fearless eyes
And gorgeous legs
They made us, their girlfriends
Very proud

We'd stand with them by the bar
And show them how to hold their arms
How to push the best parts of themselves
Forward towards the crowd

Then they'd show us how to impart our strength
Take the fear out of our eyes
Toss our hair in ways
We'd never imagined possible

We taught them how to pose
And they taught us
How to stop posing

When we danced on the dance floor
The Men Without Wigs
Would stand around us
Watching the girls with the good legs
And the girls with the better legs
Put their arms around each other
Like couples in love

Not realizing that they really were watching
Couples in love

We push back the false hair
To reveal the real ears
Of our boyfriends
And we whisper--

'Let's go, girls'

The boys take off their heels
As they limp towards the door
Wondering why their feet are so sore
After such a short amount of time

They look to us for sympathy
And take back only empathy
For what it's like
To want to walk around the world
Feeling a little bit taller

The boys fall asleep in the cab
On the way back home
And we find ourselves
Carrying them to one respective bed
And plopping them all down together
Like a pile of puppies
Wearing one big plastic jacket

Then we all go down to the living room
And toast our men and our success
With champagne and pretzels

'Our men were real girls tonight,' we say

And this makes us giggle
Then laugh
Then quietly wonder
What they'll say
When they wake up

And Then They Hear Me Sing

As soon as they see me
Walk into wherever it is
That they're holding the audition
They begin thinking of how
They're going to tell me
They can't use me
In the show

Some of them try to be creative
Whereas others just say it in a very matter-of-fact voice

'Well, you must realize,' they say
And then I just stop listening

I politely wait
Until their lips stop
Going up and down
And then I say--

'Would you be willing to at least hear me sing?'

And sometimes they say 'No'
Because, and this is just a thought, but--

I think it's because
Part of them
Knows what's coming

But let's not give away the ending

Most of them are nice enough
Or perhaps guilt-ridden enough
To let me sing

I take the stage
Sometimes with a bit of difficult
And the music begins

And then they hear me sing

And although I can't give you
A simple, straight-forward happy ending
Where I proceed to get
The lead role
In everything I audition for

I can tell you this--

When I'm done offstage
And I leave the audition
Even when I don't get the role

I feel like I've walked away
With something better

Tony Hooper's Little Sister

First of all, when I woke up on my birthday
And my Mom and Dad weren't there
I thought--

'Oh no!  They went to Florida without me and now I have to protect my house from burglars!  How am I supposed to hang paint cans from the ceiling?  I just figured out multiplication!'

But then I found Grammy Hooper
In the living room
Watching 'The Old and the Beautiful'
And she told me
That my little sister
Was born that morning

'Wait a minute,' I said, 'Does that mean now I have to SHARE my birthday?'

Grammy clapped her hands
And said 'Yes!'

Geez, I thought, I'm glad one of us is excited about it

That's my first of all

Second of all, my little brother Harry Hooper
Made fun of me all day long

'You're going to have to have JOINT birthday parties,' he said, 'And because she's a girl that means pink everywhere and teacups and no cake because it has carbs in it!'

My brother knows a lot about nutrition
I know a lot about the movie 'Captain Kill and the Army of Death'

One of us is cool
And the other isn't

That's my second of all

Thirdly, I didn't even want to see my sister when my mom brought her home, because she was taking my birthday, my parents' love, and a third of my inheritance.

'Inheritance' is a word my Mom taught me when her mother-in-law died.  She said 'we got our inheritance' and I said 'what's an inheritance' and she said 'it's the cheap jewelry and ugly furniture you get when somebody you're related to dies.'

That means now my sister was going to get the ugly couch I love!

It just wasn't fair.

'Tony,' my mom said, 'Don't you want to say hi to your little sister?'

I decided to pluck it up
And put on a smile
So that maybe I could at least keep
Half the ugly couch

My mother picked her up
And put her in my arms
And when I saw my little sister, Hedda Hooper, for the first time
It was pretty amazing

She did kinda look like a turnip
But, well, I kinda liked her anyway

She put her hands up towards me
And smiled
And from that moment on
I didn't really mind
That I had to share my birthday

After all, a birthday's supposed to be a day you share
With the people you love
And I had a feeling
I was gonna love my sister a lot

...Then she puked on me

I guess that's not
That's the happiest way
To end the story

But it is my third of all

After my Mom put Hedda to bed
We all went in the kitchen
And there was my birthday cake
With Captain Kill on it

He was sitting next to a princess
And they were both sipping tea

So I guess the moral of the story is

As you get older
Life gets more and more weird

The Pigeons Debate Their Diets

"Um...are you going to eat that?"
"Yeah."
"Okay."
"I mean...yeah."
"Okay."
"Is that...bad?"
"I mean...well...yes, it is, but if you're going to do it any--"
"It's on the ground."
"I know."
"A person threw it on the ground."
"Yeah, I saw that."
"That means we eat it."
"Okay."
"What do you mean 'okay?'"
"I mean--'Okay'--so eat it."
"Are you going to eat it?"
"Nooooooo."
"Why not?"
"Becausssssse."
"Becausssssse why?"
"Because it fell on the ground."

. . . . .

"That's how we get it."
"Well..."
"That's how we get our food.  It goes on the ground and we eat it."
"Yeah, but..."
"But what?  There is no other way.  Either the human food falls on the ground or they toss it to us, but either way, the ground is a mandatory part of the whole procedure."
"And you don't think it's...gross?"
"No!  ...I mean--No!"
"But I mean, we walk on the ground.  Our feathers fall on the ground.  We...do...other stuff on the ground.  And then we eat off it?"
"There's no other way!"
"The humans don't eat off the ground!"
"Sometimes they do.  Sometimes I'll notice a human drop something, then look around to make sure nobody's looking, and then eat what was dropped."
"And do you ALSO notice the other humans gagging when they see someone do that?"
"We all have to eat!"
"Why can't we go to a restaurant?"
"Because we're pigeons!"
"I'm sorry, but I can no longer continue to eat food that's not safe."
"What do you mean 'not safe?'  The humans eat it?"
"If it was safe, why would they throw it on the ground?"
"IT FALLS!  IT FALLS ON THE GROUND...most of the time."
"It's because of carbs."
"What?"
"Bread."
"What about bread?"
"They always throw us bread.  And the other day, I heard them talking.  Bread means carbs and carbs means baaaad.  I heard a bunch of women talking about that while they were eating their lunch."
"What were they eating?"
"It looked like pencil shavings on top of sewer sludge."
"That sounds awful!"
"It can't be!  They looked fantastic!"
"LOOK!  I'm a PIGEON!  I do not have a long or fulfilling life ahead of me.  People hate me.  I'm a nuisance.  By my NATURE, I'm a NUISANCE!  All I have in this world are whatever crumbs are thrown to me.  Now I realize that you may find fault in that somehow, but keep in mind, IT'S ALL I HAVE!"

. . . . .

"I'm sorry."
"It's fine."
"No, really--"
"I SAID it's fine."
"Okay."
"Okay."

. . . . .

"If you did go to a restaurant, where would you go?"
"Somewhere with nice tables."
"Tables?"
"And tablecloths.  Candles.  Some music.  A place where they really treat you nice, you know?  Where they don't shoo you away?"
"Oh...Yeah, I...Yeah.  I know the places you mean."
"I'd like to eat somewhere like that."
"Yeah."
"I'd like to eat somewhere where they make you feel...wanted."
"Yeah...I guess I'd like that too."

Dad Tells the Story of the First Tree Using a Blue Crayon

Now for some stories
I use a yellow crayon

And for some stories
I use an orange one

And for Harold stories
I used a purple crayon

But since this is a special story
Between you and me and Mom
I think I'll use the blue crayon

Because blue crayons
Are for special occasions

. . . . .

Once upon a time
There was a tree
In the ground

We'll make him a blue tree
Because he was the First Tree
And so he didn't have green leaves
And brown bark

He was blue all over
And he liked being blue
Because he could look up at the sky
And say to himself--

'I'm the same!'

And he liked thinking that he
Was a part
Of the sky

Then one day
He noticed something growing
In the ground next to him

The Tree was very afraid
Because nothing ever grew next to him
And he was scared
That it would be something
Dangerous

Then as time went by
The little thing growing out of the ground
Started showing more of itself

And--we're going to color this little thing
Blue as well, because it looked
Just like the Tree

Soon, the Tree figured out
That this thing
Was probably going to be very similar
To himself

The Tree got very angry

He didn't want there to be another Tree
Because then he would be a Tree with a lowercase 't'
And he wouldn't be special at all!

When the little tree got big enough
To talk to the First Tree
The little tree introduced herself
But the First Tree
Was NOT interested

Not at all

The little tree felt very sad and lonely
Even though she was growing
Right next to another tree
Because of the way
The First Tree was acting

One day the First Tree noticed
That he was starting to turn a different color

His bark was turning brown
And his leaves were turning green
And so were the bark and leaves
Of the little tree

'What have you done,' he asked the little tree
But the little tree didn't know

The First Tree was very upset
Because first he stopped being first
And now he was losing his beautiful blue color

Then one day the sky
Sent rain down
As a way of talking
To the First Tree

And the sky said--

'This is your sister.  She's your family.'

And the Tree said--

'I don't want a family,' he said, 'I want to be special!'

The sky stopped raining on the First Tree
And instead
Put out some sun

'Sometimes family is what makes us feel special,' said the sky

And that was when the First Tree noticed
All the little green trees
Beginning to grow up
Out of the ground

'You'll always be a tree,' said the sky, 'And your rings and your leaves and your branches will always be special, but now...'

The First Tree felt himself
Grow ten feet taller
In that moment

And the sky said--

'You're part of a forest'

And from that day on
The First Tree no longer called himself
The First Tree
Or thought of himself with a capital 'T'

He was the biggest tree in the forest
And that meant he looked out for the little trees
And made them feel like part of the family

And it turned out
That the First Tree
Liked being part of a family
After all

And that is the story of the First Tree

. . . . .

What?

The trees are all still blue?

Well, hmm...

Wait a second!

You have the green crayon, don't you?

Maybe you're what we need
To finish the story

Maybe you can even
Add a tree?

What do you think?

Do you think maybe we have room
For another tree
In the forest?

Tell It To the Bridge

You say you're gonna leave?

If you're gonna leave me
You're gonna tell it to the bridge

You propose to a woman on a bridge
You tell the bridge
When you're gonna live

You make a promise
Staring at the water
With the city
Staring right at you
Watching you make that promise

And then you take it back?

Well go ahead

Tell the city you took it back

Don't tell me

Tell the water
Tell the cars going by
Tell my mom

Don't put it on me

Don't make it my job

Don't punish me
Because you have to leave

You wanna leave me
Then leave me
But don't think you're leaving me
With a list of calls to make
And an eraser
So I can take your name
Off my life

You wanna leave

You take your name with you

It's not my job to get rid of it

You bring me here
So you can tell me you're leaving

Don't bother

Don't bother telling me

Tell the bridge
Tell the town
Tell the whole damn world

But don't tell me

Because, baby

I already knew

The Snail Experiments with Drugs

Something's...

...

...

...

...different

Is it just me or...

Have I...

...Done...

...Very...

...Little...

...For the past...

...Um...

...You know...

...Forever

...Like...a year ago...I was over there...you know...there...like...an inch from where I am now...

...and now I'm here and...I want to be somewhere else...despite the fact that I just moved....here...

...I'd like to...it's this feeling of...I'd like to...keep going...

...Does anyone else...feel like writing...the Great American Novel?

...or like...recording...an album?

...of songs?

...about war?

...or like...fucking turtles?

...Whoa...is it just me...or do I...not...have legs?

When...did this happen?

Why...didn't anybody...tell me?

And why...is this shell...so heavy?

What...the hell...am I carrying in there?

...Do you...ever notice how some billboards change when you walk by them, like, sometimes you see them and they say one thing, and then you walk by them and turn around and they're something completely different?  Once, over the course of, like, a year, I walked by a billboard and that happened and it totally fucked with my mind.  Do you know what I mean?

...I bet...I'd beat...a turtle...in a race...

...Fucking turtles

...How much...do you...want to bet...that I...could get to Nashville...by midnight?

...I...could totally...do it

...Mostly because...we're...

Already...

In...

Nashville...

So...

You'd lose...that bet...

I once...saw the movie 'Nashvillle' at a drive-inn that was playing, like, old movies from the seventies, and I was kind of upset, because I wanted to see 'Carnal Knowledge,' but whatever, you know, life is full of disappointments, and so I watch this movie, and I'm just like, People in the seventies were fucked up.  I mean, like, all of them, like, the whole generation--Fucked.Up.  That whole movie made no fucking sense, and I know it's all about interconnectivity, but like, what the fuck is that even?  Like--we're all connected?  Uh, duh, of course we are.  It's revolutionary to say that?  Like, to point that out?  That's so fucking stupid.  So if I make a movie when a father explains to his son that they're connected then I'm brilliant and I should be shown at drive-inns, like, forty years later?  C'mon!

...Could you...

...Hold my shell...

...For a second?

...I think...

...I'm going...

...To pass out...

The Absurdists at the Beach

The Absurdists go to the beach
In the middle of the month
When the waves come up
And eat hot dogs on the sand

'Can you back in,' the Absurdists ask, 'So that we can go swimming?'

The waves reluctantly finish their hot dogs
Then roll back away from the sand

'This isn't absurd,' says Clara, 'This is surreal.'

John Johnson debates her
And says that the line is fine
That it is, indeed, a fine line

Clara asks to see the line
So John Johnson pulls it out of his pocket
And shows it to her

It looks like a strand of hair
Taken from a sleeping princess

'Well,' she says, reluctantly, 'You're right.  It is very fine.'

. . . . .

The boys play with kittens
While the girls play with puppies
Then they switch
Then they switch again

The waves come up and take the kittens for a swim
But the puppies are driven back to town
Where they can be adopted
By millionaires

Clara finds a monkey
And decides to center a volleyball team around him
Called 'Toes and Thumbs'
But nobody wants to play

'It's too warm,' says John Johnson, pointing to a cloud, 'Look how warm that cloud is!'

Clara goes to sulk
In her sand condo
That she's sharing
With a man named Jerry

Jerry is made up of two trash cans
And a bucket of fish
But the fish are goldfish
And Clara likes playing with them

'Plus,' Clara says, 'Jerry pays his rent on time.'

Cody is building a house
That will rival Clara's condo
And he aims to have it completed
Before the storm arrives

'There is no storm,' says John Johnson, pointing to the cloud, 'Look how calm the cloud is.  That cloud has no urge to storm us.'

Still Cody builds
Until he's next to the cloud
Who, as it turns out
Has no feelings on anything
But does plan to rain
As soon as the Absurdists leave the beach

'Because,' the cloud would say, if it could say, 'It's bad luck to rain on Absurdists.'

. . . . .

Dotty starts digging in the sand
And comes upon a shopping mall
With a few decent shoe stores in it

She tells Clara about the mall
But when Clara finds out
It doesn't have one of those pretzel places in it
She decides to stay in her condo
And shelter herself
From the dangers
Of the beach

'Do you know sometimes people die at the beach,' Clara asks Dotty, 'Just up and die.  Isn't that wild?'

Dotty feels like saying
That people up and die everywhere
For lots of reasons
But instead she goes back to the mall
And purchases a nice pair of shoes
To make herself not think about death

When she climbs out of her hole
The waves sweep up
And fill the shopping mall with water
Sending shoes floating to the surface

'Excellent,' says John Johnson, 'I needed new loafers.'

Dotty misses her shopping mall immediately
And so she makes a mini-mall out of wet sand
But it's really not the same

Meanwhile, the cloud meets another cloud
And the two become one cloud
Then five
Then one again

On the beach, the Absurdists play Sam Cooke
And wish they knew somebody
They could make love to

. . . . .

After seventeen days on the beach
The Absurdists pack up their uneaten lunches
And decide to head home

Clara closes her condo
And hands the keys over
To an Inuit
Going through a mid-life crisis

'I'm sure you'll be very happy here,' Clara says
'Were you,' the Mike the Inuit asks
'No,' she says, 'But that's why I'm so sure somebody else will be'

Dotty removes all her clothing
And covers herself in shoes

She will spend the rest of her life
Shaking herself
To try and get the sand out

Cody dismantles his building
And bids a fond farewell to the cloud
Who is now a small patch of white
In the sky

Meanwhile, John Johnson starts up the treadmill
And requests that they get moving

'If we start walking now,' he says, 'We may be somewhere someday.'

The Absurdists believe this is a lovely philosophy
And as they begin to walk away from the beach
The cloud breathes a sigh
Of relief

And then wonders why they aren't fading away
Into the horizon

Sassy Baby at Daycare

Put down my sippy cup

I don't need your germs
On my sippy cup

It's bad enough you threw up on my blankie
And now it smells like a monkey

Yeah, my Momma washed it
But you can't wash monkey
Out of a blanket

Everybody knows that

You should just change your name to Monkey

Have you learned to write your name yet?

When I write my name
I put a little star above the 'i'
That way people know I'm sassy

I'm a sassy baby

You see that girl over there?

She's got Judy Jumper on her lunchbox

Didn't she her me announce at snack time yesterday
That Judy Jumper isn't cool anymore?

Didn't I announce that
Right before you threw up on my vintage Chanel blankie?

Maybe in all the confusion
She forgot about not taking in any Judy Jumper toys or lunchboxes

I'm going to have my people e-mail her

And by 'my people,' I mean my Momma
Although she's on thin ice
Because she tried to feed me creamed turnips yesterday
And THAT did not go over well

I told her in today's economy
You can not be screwing up like that

You think Donatella would have put up with that?

She most certainly would NOT

Donatella is the girl two houses down
That I have playdates with

She fired her Momma
After an incident with a binkie
That I won't talk about
Because I don't like to gossip

(Her mother threw her binkie out.  There was blood.  Keep that between us.)

Speaking of Binkies
Look at him
With his Tommy the Talking Tuba binkie

I have a Tommy the Talking Tuba binkie

How am I supposed to go to the post-naptime party
If I have the same binkie as somebody else?

I'm going to have to have my people e-mail him
And let him know
This sort of thing
CanNOT be happening

You can't have two babies
With the same binkie
Walking around
Like it's no big deal

The last baby that showed up to a post-naptime party
With the same binkie as me
Had to switch daycares and last names
Because I do NOT mess around
When it comes to fashion and footsie pajamas

(I am very anti-footsie.  I like to be able to see my feet at all times.  How do I know they're there if I can't see them?)

Are they shutting off the lights already?

Naptime is NOT supposed to start until I have given the go-ahead

Do these people not read e-mails?

I don't even have my face mask on

We WILL be discussing this
During afternoon playtime
And I'm going to go ahead
And say some people might be looking for jobs
By tomorrow morning

Now, can you go find me some jars of creamed cucumber
To put over my eyes while I sleep?

You know, you're lucky
I don't go talking to just anybody

All this conversation you and I have been having

You should realize that this
Is a real treat

Signs of Land

We see a golden line
Around a smaller cloud
And there's our sign of land

The Captain won't come out of his cabin
And there's been talk of mutiny
But what's the point
When it's the Captain suggesting it

We play stones on deck
And wager stones as money

Stones go in the water
And stones come out

And if the stones are blue
That means two more days
Drifting on a solid liquid floor

And if the stones are black
That means we'll be safe soon

That's a sign of land

The seagulls fly lower everyday

The cook says he wishes they would fly even lower
So we could throw stones at them
Bring them down to the deck
And have a little meat for a change
Instead of cooked seaweed

But when the seagulls start to swoop
We don't think about taking them down
We only think about getting out of their way

The first mate laughs at us
Tells us seagulls aren't hawks
They're not looking to peck our eyes out
And why don't we act like men for a change

But he stops laughing
When we find the lookout
In the crow's nest one morning
With half his body gone

Pecked away

They must have come for him during the night

The first mate says seagulls don't fly at night

'You never see a seagull at night,' he says

But we notice he doesn't laugh
Like he used to
When the seagulls swoop down

He gets down below deck
Just like the rest of us

Meanwhile, we wait for signs of land

. . . . .

The heat overtakes us during the day
And at night it gets so cold
We break down our pride
And huddle together underneath
Pieces of the sails
We ripped off
So that we wouldn't freeze to death

The first mate yelled at us
As we were doing it
But when he tries reporting us
To the Captain
He finds him with his wrists
Nailed through
To his desk

And his log has the same thing written on it
Over and over again--

'NoSiGnSoFlAnDnOsIgNsOfLaNdNoSiGnSoFlAnDnOsIgNsOfLaNdNoSiGnSoFlAnDnOsIgNsOfLaNd'

The first mate tells us
That he's captain now
But we shove him ondeck
As soon as we see the moon
And tell him that a real captain
Should be able to make it until morning

While we're below deck
Wrapped up in the sails that smell like salt
And each other smelling like dead bodies
We hear him banging on the door
Whimpering like a little girl
Saying he sees them

He sees them blocking the moon

Then we hear wings flapping
And a body hitting the wood
On the deck
And then there's quiet
Just quiet

In the morning we find ten fingernails
And a patch of red
In front of the door

We don't know if what we see
Has to do with the seagulls
Or something else

But now we stay below deck
At night
And away from the door altogether

. . . . .

We see the grey seaweed and celebrate
Because grey seaweed is a sign of land
But the cook says we can't eat the grey seaweed
And that means land better appear soon

The cook asks for an assistant
To help him in the kitchen

He's never needed one before
But it's getting so hot
He says he can't stay in there all day
Without passing out
And he needs someone to take turns with

The boy we picked up
Right before we left the islands
Raises his hand

He's tiny now, skin and bones
Because the men don't let him eat
Until they've all had their share

He must think that once he's in the kitchen
He can steal some food away from himself
Even though cook has a sharp eye
And sharp knives
For anybody with a wandering palm

It's a day with no food
Before we think to send anybody down into the kitchen
To see what's going on

The man we send comes running back
Saying we better hurry

The kitchen is clean
Cleaner than anyone's ever seen it

And the boy is sitting at the table
Cleaning one of the knives

When we ask him where the cook is
He tells us 'cook jump ship'

Just like that
In his island accent

'Cook jump ship.  Dinner soon.'

We see the bowl of grey seaweed
Steaming, already turning brown

And we say that cook says
We can't eat grey seaweed
Or we'll get sick

The island boy laughs at us
Then points the knife
Right at our hearts
And says--

'You'll eat what I make or you'll starve'

And he slams the knife
Down into his hand

We fall back
But when he lifts it
There's no blood

'A trick,' he says, 'Just a trick'

Then we all go back on deck
And get ready for dinner

But one of the men says
And he swears it's true

That the island boy
Looks fatter

. . . . .

The water turns red
And the men say
It's a sign of land

One of them
Jumps out of the boat
And lands on his feet

'Come on!' he says, 'It's land'

But it still moves like water
And shifts like water
And rolls along
Like the water does

The man laughs and splashes
But stays on the surface
Not even getting
So much as a toe wet

We all think we're seeing an oasis
But then another man jumps down
And lands on the red
And he manages to stay dry as well

The men run around
Making fun of us still on the boat

But we still can't help but think
It's not land

It's not really land

Then one of the men puts his foot down
And it goes under the red
Up to the ankle

And when he goes to pull it out
It won't come up

The other man tries to help him
But then his foot goes under
Up to the knee

Soon both are going down
Inch by inch

Screaming at us onboard
To throw them a rope
So they can pull themselves out

But when we do
They pull the rope
And the ship moves
We can feel it
It starts to go down into the red with them
So we...

We cut the rope

With their last breaths they curse us
But as soon as the red fills their mouths
And the tops of their heads goes under
The water goes back to blue again
And we feel safe

Until we hear the seagulls flying
Over our heads

. . . . .

When we wake up
We're lying on sand
And the ship is gone

Just gone

A few men are gone with it
But most of us are here

The island boy's knife
Washes up
Along with some pots and pans
And that's all we see of him

We walk for a ways
And come upon a village
Where they take us in
And feed us

We tell them our ship got caught in a storm
And in many ways we feel we're telling the truth

We become men of the village

Shop owners and farmers
Husbands and fathers

We grow old
We laugh, but not often

There's still something separate about us
About who we are

And sometimes at night
We wake up
Next to our wives
Or alone in our beds

And we're sweating sea water
Convinced that these past years
Have been another illusion
Another paradise that wasn't there

And that we're still on the ship
Looking for signs of land

Then we wipe the salt off our skins
And lay our heads back down on our soft pillows
And tell ourselves
The nightmare's over

It's over

And just then
While we're turned away
From the moonlight
Coming through the window

We hear the tapping
On the glass

And the sound
Of wings

The Upside Down Department

Sarah works
In the upside down
Department

When she's there
The pencils erase
And the erasers
Pencil things in

Meetings on the ceiling
Lunches on the roof
Discussions on gravity
That occur while gravity
Has been suspended
For lack of creativity

Sarah does her hair
Only to watch it fall down
Towards the floor

Someone keeps stealing her mousepad

Lucikly, a mousepad is pretty useless
When your mouse
Is floating in midair

Burt from Payroll goes by
And tells her she's making negative eighteen dollars this week
Then he asks if she'd like to switch to Direct Deposit
She says that she would not like that
And Burt keeps on floating by

Sarah wonders why Burt floats by
When the Payroll Department
Is supposed to be sideways

Her mother tells her
That her department isn't really upside down

Some things are opposite
And some things are anti-gravity
And some things just make no sense at all
But not everything could be classified as being--

'Upside Down'

She says--'I don't know, Mom.  I didn't name the department.'

She says hi to the receptionist every morning
Who pours coffee in her shoes
To wake herself up

She says hi to Connie in the next cubicle over
Who puts up photos of the family
She's going to have
In five years

When Burt from Payroll
Proposes to her

'He's going to make a sideways woman out of me,' she says
And keeps right on typing up a de-purchase order

When Sarah was first hired here
De-purchase orders
Were the things
She had trouble with the most

Connie explained it to her

'We write to places,' she said, 'And explain why we don't need what they sell.'

'Are they trying to sell things to us?'

'No,' said Connie, 'But you can never be too careful.'

Sarah has a picture in Jamaica
Of her standing in the rain
Under a blue umbrella
Without Sam

She didn't get the picture at first

Sam hates to travel
Sarah doesn't own a blue umbrella
Why wasn't Sam in the picture?

When she realized it
She floated home
Instead of coming down
To walk on the sidewalk
Like a normal person

Sam came home
To find Sarah
A few feet above the couch
Watching a sad movie
On tv

'What's wrong,' he said

Pulling her back down
To the ground

'Oh,' she said, 'Nothing'

What would be in the use?

In telling him
In asking him
Asking him why

'Why would you leave?'
'Why else would I be in Jamaica by myself?'
'Why are you going to be upset?'
'Are you already upset?'
'Why can't you promise me you're going to stay?'

What would be the point?

The pictures hung in the cubicles don't lie
And her picture said she was going to be alone

She could see it in the face
Of Future Sarah

A slow sort of sadness
That comes before you know it's there

Now when she goes to the office
She checks the picture first
To see if it's changed
But it never does

Nothing much changes
Around the office

Her co-workers
Her workload
Her boss

Her boss is always lying on the ground
While she floats above him
Telling him what to do

She doesn't enjoy telling people
What to do
But it's her job
To tell her boss
What to do

'Touch your nose' she says
And he says 'Give me something harder'
So she says 'Stop lying on the floor.  It's dirty.'
And he says 'I like it down here.'
And she says 'Touch your nose'
And this goes on and on
Until he fires her
And then she goes home
And comes in the next day
And waits to be summoned
To his office

Last week she made negative eighty-seven dollars
And two pineapples

She doesn't know where the fruit is coming from
But the company seems eager
To give it away

She brought two coconuts home to Sam
Only to have him tell her
That he's allergic to coconuts

'Exactly,' she says, 'So eat them.'

He pulls her back down to the ground
And says--

'Sarah, things aren't upside down here'

But they are

Because they're in love
And they don't speak
Hardly at all

Because she loves him
And he probably doesn't love her
But he won't come out and say it

Because when they're in bed
And she forces herself to let him hold her
She feels her body
Wanting to go up, up, up
And away from him

Then the alarm clock goes off
And she's back in the office

Her hair is down
Her shoes are on her hands
Her telephone only receives phone calls
From China and Australia
And whenever she picks it up
It's Sam calling from ten years from now

And she says--'Sam, where are you?'
And he says--'China'
And she says 'Sam, where are you?'
And he says--'Australia'
And she says--'Sam, why aren't you here?'

And the line goes dead

She picks up her little yellow pad
And writes something on it
That she'll forget to remember

'Quit tomorrow'

She'll forget it
But she writes it

Not realizing
The notes get vacuumed up
By the janitor
Every night

'Quit tomorrow'

She only gets to the 'i'
When the pen floats up
And out of her hand
And far, far, far
From her grasp

King Tut's Interior Designer

You want me to do what?

Well, where am I supposed to put that many servants?

And they're going to be LIVING?

When they're entombed with you?

Oh, you are just trying to give me migraines now

Can't you just kill them
Before you seal them up in the pyramid?

Isn't the point
That they go into the Afterlife with you?

Yes, I know they'll die eventually
But in the meantime
They're going to be walking around
TOUCHING THINGS

I don't want grubby little servant hands
Touching my urns

Vases, Tut Tut
Urns are vases

Although I don't want them touching THAT either

Now I have to accommodate
Until they die of starvation
Or lack of air

Food, water, restroom facilities--

And I told you that I could not fit ONE MORE BATHROOM
Into that pyramid

Didn't I tell you that?

NO THAT IS NOT WHAT THE URNS ARE FOR!

Besides, these are lower class people
They'll end up peeing on the floor

Right on top of my gorgeous imported
Mesopotamian rugs!

Which reminds me
You can't go to war with the Greeks
Until AFTER I have Mikos the Contractor
Finish the marble flooring
In the Virgin Sacrifice room

Do you know how hard it is
To find a reliable contractor in this kingdom?

Now, about this playroom

I realize you're only eight
But can't you understand
That in feng shui
The 'play' area has to be a cohesive part
Of the overall space?

In other words, you're not getting one

You're going to be dead
What do you need a playroom for?

Don't you think there'll be plenty of toys for you
In the Afterlife?

I think I saw someone draw a yo-yo
On the North Mural
Right next to the nine-headed boar
That awaits you
At the gates of--

Wherever the hell it is you people believe
You go to when you die

OH THANK ALL EIGHTEEN GODS IT'S HERE!

Do you like your tomb?

I had it shellacked

It really adds that extra sparkle, don't you think?

...Okay okay, fine...

...I'll send it back

It'll be like driving a knife through my headdress
But I'll send it back

You're the King, after all

If you say that you don't want a shiny coffin
Then I have to respect that

I have to respect you
And your authority

...And your bad taste

Hmm?  What?

Never mind, moving on

I want to show you these grape bowls

Not to be confused with the pomegranate bowls
Which are a purple-esque 'grape' color
But not meant for eating grapes out of

But before I do that

There is the little matter of my fee

How much were you--

...Oh...

So if you're pleased
Then I don't get locked in the lion room?

...Well...

That sounds fair!

Okay!

It's time for swatches!

And Everybody's Doing Great

Billy came out last fall

And everybody's doing great

Mom can't stop smiling

And baking cupcakes

And everybody's doing great

Dad's in the garage

Almost everyday

Working on a car

That hasn't worked

Since the Eisenhower administration

And everybody's doing great

Billy's brother's playing hoops

And trying to figure out how

He's going to tell his friends

That his brother is who he is

And everybody's doing great

Mom's on the phone for hours a day

Telling her friends

How her family's okay

Even though her Billy's...you know

Nobody's ashamed

Well of course not, no

She loves him anyway

She always had a feeling

That he might be

That way

And anyway

They're not the kind of people

Who shun their sun

Over who he is

Trailer trash

Does stuff like that

And that's not who they are

And everybody's doing great

At least they will be soon

Dad will come around

And Billy's brother will open up

And Billy will, one day, come out of his room

Everybody's just fantastic

Mom assures her friends

And they'll eat dinner at the dinner table

Because normalcy

Doesn't have to end

Maybe this is a new beginning

Of a more honest age

Thank God, Mom thinks, Billy didn't grow up

In the house

She did

Back then there would have been fighting and screaming

And Billy would have wound up

Thrown out

Not today

Not how things are

Dad may have made a comment or two

And Billy's mother may have made an excuse

For why he said those things

But it's still a shock, isn't it?

It's still sex, isn't it?

It relates

It pertains

It's about sex

Her kid, their kid

The kid

Billy

Having sex

Isn't it?

So naturally it's going to be hard to take

But everybody's doing great

And if Billy gets the feeling

Things are uneasy

Well, what's there to do?

What more can be done?

Is this supposed to be fun?

Billy's Mom is scrubbing the oven

And his Dad is playing golf

And his brother is walking around the neighborhood

Hoping he'll come back

To find the tension gone

But he'll need a longer walk than that

And Billy's Mom knows she needs to stop

Needs to stop and go and hug her kid

And tell him everything's okay

He'll be okay, they'll be okay

Really, okay?

Okay

Okay?

Okay

She needs to

'Cause she knows

What's at stake

If she can't prove

That everybody's

Doing great

And Never Come Back Down

I might wake up
And like having
That extra pillow

I might go out
And actually
Like the sunlight

I might dance around the living room
And not notice your pictures

I'll tell my friends
That dinner would be fine

I'll tell my Mom
That I'm coming by just to say hi

I'll tell myself
That six months from now I'm laughing

Regardless of what happens
I'm laughing

And I might go climb a mountain
And I might go run a marathon
And I might go make a few more mistakes

I might regret
I might redo
I might just fly

And when I get so high
I can't look down
Without getting dizzy

I might decide I like it up there
And never come back down

Where I Can See the City

I wanted to move to a place
Where I could see the city

And from here I can

From here I can sit in a chair
By a window

And look at buildings
Lit up
Lit all night

Streetlights
Showing me
Possible roads
And intersections

That I can walk down safely
Whenever I feel like it

Windows where my neighbors live
Sleep, eat, stay up all night

Watch me
Watching them
Watch me
Watching them live

Behind those windows

I wanted to be up on a hill
Overlooking a metropolis

Where restaurants serve expensive desserts
And theater is done in large, echoing halls
And art galleries open and close, open and close

And I can watch it all
From my comfortable chair
On my golden wood floors
With a cup of tea
And a good book
Sitting on the table
Next to me

They'll wait there
Until I'm ready to stop looking
At the place
I keep meaning to go to

The place I want to be close to

So much so
That I go
Inch by inch
Step by step

Closer and closer

Until one day
I'll look around
And realize I'm in it

I'm finally in it

And then I won't have to find a place to look
Anymore

If You Dive Into the Pool

If you dive into the pool

You'll look brave

To all your friends

They'll reconsider

Their opinion of you

As a stuffed-up

Stuffy

Stuffing-fall-out-of-him

Stuffed bear

That bears no resemblance

To the boy they played

Night Tag with

Every night last summer

But last summer was before

Dad moved out

During a Night Tag game

The taillights causing you
To see shadows of your friends
Hiding behind trees
And trash cans

You wondering
What you knew
Before you wondered about it

Mom, a fixture in the window
Like a Christmas
Or a Halloween decoration

Meant to scare
Meant to comfort

Disappearing

If you dive into the pool
You'll cleanse

Because water cleanses
Because poetry says so
Because it cools you
Because it's flexible
Because it's fluid
Because it teaches us to fluctuate

You will be cleansed

You will go in the pool
And come out of the pool
A different person
With a different worldview

You will be baptized
And therefore saved

The old you will fall off you
Like the excess water
That falls onto the asphalt
And the towels
Positioned around the water

If you dive into the pool
You'll see shapes under the water
Monsters, seaweed
Deflated pool toys
Coral reefs
Toothless sharks
Surfboards
Mermaids
A woman named Mariella
With a small dog and an umbrella

You'll stroll, not swim
Wondering when you're going to run out of breath
Wondering when you're going to need to go up
Wondering when fall will arrive
Bringing cold air
Down to the bottom of the pool
Turning it into ice

And could it be nice?

To be frozen in place

Not available for comment
Or concern
Until another summer
Arrives

If you dive into the pool
You will impress
Impact
Influence others

Nobody would look at you
Little you
And think
Diving was possible

Still sad from a divorce
And a move to a new neighborhood
And an inability to make new friends
At a new school
Where you're not nearly as cool
As you were before

Nobody would look at you
Little you
And imagine you
Soaring through the air
Ready to hit the water
And see what happens

If you dive into the pool
You'll have a moment
Where it's just you

You in the water
And the water
Among the water

In between
Sink
And
Float

And suddenly you'll feel others there
Others who have been impressed
Impacted
Influenced
Inspired

Diving in themselves

To see how it is
With you
In the pool

Lost in Chinatown

I saw him

I just

No he was

No he

I saw him

Here, just here

Just right here

I saw him

Uh

Uh

He's

Uh

12?

12, I guess

He's--

Yes, he's mine

Mine

He's mine

Yes

12?  I want to say--

Well

I want to say 12

But, you know

You know

You know how fast they--

Kids, kids

They

You know

Look, he's at least 12, okay?

He's at least 12

He may be 11

He may be 10

I don't know

I don't know


But what's the difference?

What's the difference

When I need you to find him?

I need you to find him


Because I can't

Because, I'm telling you

I'm telling you

Listen to me

I can't

I can't find him

Because I don't know where I am

He's here

But I don't know

I don't know where

I don't know where he is

But he's here

He's here somewhere

12-10-11--maybe

Maybe less?

Maybe?

But I know he's here

And I need you

I need you to find him

Come here

Come here and find him

I keep grabbing

Grabbing kids

Turning them around

Looking

Looking at them

Is he here?

Is he?

Is he here?

I keep asking

I keep asking over and over

And they walk away

They just walk away

They don't answer

They don't answer me

What if he forgets me?

I don't know how long we've been here

What if someone grabs him

And they take him out of here

Once he's out of here

What then?

What then?


Please come

Please come and find us

He's 12 and I'm...

He's a boy, a little boy

And I'm...

I'm...

I'm lost

I'm lost and I need you

I need you

To find me

Soya on the Corner

Soya on the corner
Wondering
When he gonna come home?

When he gonna come home
To her?

Soya on the corner
Drinking peppermint tab
Getting a suntan
Getting a backhand
Getting everything she can
But a brand new man

Soya on the corner
With an attitude
With her high heel shoes
With her personality

Personality

Soya getting dirty
With her old bad words
And her new concerns
And her day old perm

Soya hearing catcalls
From the neighborhood tramps
And the fire escape scamps
And the Latin boys

What are you learnin' out there, Soya?

What are you hopin' to hear?

Soya's waiting around
For a brand new man
And she understands
That she could be there
On the corner
For awhile

When Will I Learn?

~ My attempt at Cole Porter song lyrics ~

"When Will I Learn"

Every grade is an 'A'
Every test is too simple
Every quiz is a joy

But oh, how I fail
On every exhale
Just because of a boy

I can study all night
I can put up a fight
But eventually I get burned

And the thought I can't handle
When I look at that candle is...

When will I learn?

I'm smart, but I'm stupid
I'm quick, but I'm slow
I'm cool, but I'm crazy
I'm a fool with a smile

I'm sharp to your ways
But it doesn't dissuade me
So an 'F's
What I earn

And all that I wonder
When I bother to wonder is--

When will I learn?

The brains never help
And the books never save me
When your looks enslave me
Vanquishing my concerns

And all that I wonder
When I remember to wonder

Isn't where should I turn?

It's when can I be with you
And when can I see you
And when...

When will I learn?

What You Find Under the Sand

You see the boy
In the bright clothes
Disappear
Into the sand

You cry for the boy
In the bright white clothes
Creating a lake
Two feet from the sea

People go swimming
In the lake by the sea
Never knowing
There was once a boy
Who isn't there anymore

Not gone
Not lost
Not missed
Not there

The boy grows up and shrinks
According to accounts
Made by people by the sea
Who say they saw a boy

A man
A guy
A little old person
With a hat and a cane

A teenager
A toddler
A ten-month-old baby

Was that your boy, they ask

Was that who you mean?

You say no
And they go back to playing
Around in the lake
That you made
With your tears

In your mind
The boy could speak fluently
Even though
In reality
He had trouble with words

Sounds
Tones
Inflections

He would always point at things
Rather than ask for them

Toy
Water
Sand

In your mind
He's in a sand castle
In the courtyard
Looking around
Wondering where you are

Then he starts to grow
And soon he's taller than the castle
His arms and legs
Coming out
Through the towers
Crying because he doesn't understand

He doesn't understand
Why he's gotten so big
So fast, and why the castle was so large
And now so small

You get advice about him
From people who never knew him

Do this
Do that

Go here
Go there

Where do you want to go?
What do you want to do?

Do you need anything?

No, I need nothing

I only ever needed one thing
And what I needed
Is gone

Now I am without
I am without need

You speak riddles now
You walk tightropes
You dance question marks

You embrace, embrace, embrace
Your lack of enthusiasm

You pick up the sand
And it becomes a baby

You hold it, you sing to it
You're glad it's there
Even if it's not the boy in the bright white

And then you sneeze
And it explodes in your hand

It's not even sand anymore
Just dust
Just dust on your fingertips

You move around the beach
While lunch is served

You're offered a chair
Then it's taken away

You're told to move again
To find another place

You're here
You're unhappy
You must move

The cure is to move

To be mobile

To never settle long enough
To notice
Where you are

A transient life
Is a life of surprises
And the surprises surprise you
And make you
Forget
Forget
Forget

Until you don't forget anymore
And that means it's time
To get going

Right?

You get so angry
You pick up a broom
And begin to sweep
And beat
At the people in the sand

They explode like the baby
That laid in your hands

You explode their faces first
Then the rest of their heads

You drive the handle of your broom
Into where their hearts should be
And you're not alarmed to find
That it's soft there
And simple

You sweep them all into the ocean
Except for the pile
You put into the lake
That you made with your tears

To dry it all up

You feel it should be dry
It should be dry here

Where the boy in white
Disappeared

And a hundred years later
You return to the spot
And begin to dig

To see what you couldn't remember
To see what you could find
Under the sand

While She Smokes Her Cigarettes

She's gonna shave her legs
While she smokes her cigarettes

She's gonna play Sade
While she smokes her cigarettes

She's gonna lay outside
And get a sorority girl tan
While she waits for her man
And smokes her cigarettes

She's gonna pick at the seams
On the legs of her jeans

She's gonna rip up the rug
Where the red meets the green

She's gonna decide not to call him
And see what that means

She's gonna not think about
Not thinking about him

While she smokes her cigarettes

She's gonna call all her friends
And see if they're still mad at her

See if they're planning on understanding
That she's not getting any younger

And no, he's not perfect
But he's perfectly close

Two doors down
They can say 'Hey neighbor'
And then go out on his fire escape
And make love
While she thinks
I can see
Where I live

Afterwards they light up
And her ash trickles down
To the town where they told her
She'd get older and die
Going from bad guy to bad guy
And that's the only way
To feel alive

She'll pretend going too far
Was a good idea

And that next year
Will be the Europe trip
And maybe Tokyo after that

She'll sit and get fat
On crackers and mac
Cream cheese and soda
Licorice and bread

She'll feel sick and feel fed
And feel happy and dead

All while she smokes her cigarettes

Her phone will be on vibrate
Then ring
Then ring loud

Btu the adjustment won't encourage it
To spring forth any news

She'll tighten her screws
And decide to go out

Meet some other guy
On some other escape
On some other night
On some other date

When she won't be so apt
To make trademark mistakes

Put on her heels
Put on her lips
Put on the dress
That hides (most) of her hips

She thinks about where she wants to go
While she begins to doze
On her old day-glo couch

All dressed up
And the stick still burning

Burning

Burning down

And if one day the house burns down
She thinks it wouldn't be so bad

'Cause the only time she's never sad
Is when she's smoking
Cigarettes

The Last Man Who Came Through Here

The last man who came through here
Disappeared

He tried to grab me
While I was lying
In my bed

I felt it in my sleep
Somebody's hand
Crawling up my body
Towards my mouth

But when I woke up
To catch him
He'd crept back
To the hammock on the porch
Pretending to be asleep

Thinking I didn't know

Thinking I was stupid

He didn't know how I feel things
For a long time
After they're gone

I got marks on my skin
From two years back
Three, four even

So I know

I know when something's there

He woke up in the hammock
With a knife to his throat
And I said--

'You come here again I'm gonna leave a mark on you like the one you left on me'

And I showed him my stomach
Where his handprint was

And he says--'There's nothing there.'

All panicked
All panicky

'There's nothing there!'

And I keep pointing
Saying--

'It's your hand.  Your fingers.  1-2-3-4-5.  I feel it.  I still feel it.'

And when I woke up
I was back in bed
And there wasn't anybody out in the hammock

But the rope had red in it
Deep in it
Like somebody'd soaked it
In tomato juice

Dark, dark, dark

And there was a dried up puddle
Where his shoes were
Looked like somebody went right through the porch boards
Into the dirt and the junk
We hide away under there

Nobody ever goes under there
Not even Daddy

He used to clean under there every year
Until I got sick that night
And he had to bring me to the doctor's
In the middle of the night
With my stomach cramping so bad
It felt like something was trying to cut its way out of me

The doctor said my appendix had to come out
But I remember seeing him almost a year before
And I remember the places his hand went
And the marks he left
And they weren't doctor places
They weren't the places they should be

And parts of me felt it from the inside
From the inside out
I felt it

So I knew why my stomach was hurting
And when he sent me home
With those pills
I knew what I had to do

And when Daddy went to clean the porch that year
I told him don't

I said 'Don't, Daddy
'Just leave it for me.  I'll do it.  I'll do it for you.'
I'll do it this year

But he waited until I was asleep
And then he went under there
Looking

Looking for something

And when he found it
He came to see me
While I was sleeping
And I felt his hands on my neck

But when I woke up to catch him
He wasn't there
And I didn't see Daddy after that

But I knew he'd been under that porch

Because I could see his footprints
On the ground
And his hand prints on my neck

And I still feel 'em
I feel 'em both

So when that man asked if he could see my Daddy
To ask for a place to sleep
I told him my Daddy was in town
But he could sleep on the porch if he wanted

I should have known
I should have known you can't trust a man
With hands like that

Hands like that doctor
Who left town
With his coat
Still hanging on the hook
In his office

Nobody knows where he went either

Men like to leave their mark
And disappear

Put their hands on a woman
Then take off

But the hands stay there

They can't see 'em 'cause they're men
And men don't see what they do

But I can

I can see them

All over me

All over my body

My Daddy
The Doctor
That Man in the Hammock

He came through here
Saying he was going to come and be gone
Nobody'd even know
He was here

But I knew

I knew he was planning
On leaving a mark

That's why I showed him
I could leave marks too

That's why the dirt in front of the porch
Has all that black soil near it

That's why it's so quiet around here now

Because now I know
How to leave
A mark

On the Roof of Gino's Pizza

You got a smoke?

Fuckin'Trisket
Takes the night off
Like it's not a fuckin' Friday

Like we're not gonna be swamped

Jesus

You want some pepperoni?

I tried to snatch one of the mediums
That girl never picked up
But Gino yelled at me
So I just grabbed one of the pepperoni packets

Fuckin' hot down in that kitchen man
No wonder Gino's in a bad mood

Plus the sucky business
Plus the Domino's opening up across the street
Plus his ex-wife is bustin' his buddy's nuts

Gotta feel for the guy

I would

If he weren't such a fuckin' slavedriver

Look at these burns
On my hands

That's 'cause every time I'm workin'
He's gotta start ridin' me

Gettin' me distracted

I feel like tellin' him
Just because you can't ride your wife anymore
Doesn't mean you can start ridin' me

Does he do that to you?

Yeah, you're lucky

You on 'til close?

Probably looking to go home
And see that baby you got now, right?

She gettin' big?

Fuckin' crazy, man

Someone three years younger than you has a kid
You feel like...

Fuck I don't know

You gonna take her in the pool?

You're fuckin' lucky
You got in at Pine Road

Me and Katie tried to get in there
But then I got my hours cut at the shop
So we have to keep staying with her folks
Until I figure something out

My parents have a pool at their house
Up in Maine

Can't afford the fuckin' gas to go see them
But I think about it sometimes
When the day's really hot

Just go up there
And swim all day, you know?

Lay out
Like I'm a rich fuckin' bastard
With nothing better to do
Than float around all day

That's what I used to do when I was a kid

My parents aren't rich
But they do okay

They're doing better
Than I'm doing now

I'd ask 'em for help
But I'm goin' to wait
Until Katie has the baby
Then see where we're at

Can't cash in all your chips at once, you know?

When I was a kid
I used to get in that pool
The last day of school
And stay there
Until my mom dragged me out
In September

Sometimes I wonder, you know

How somebody goes from that
To sitting on the roof of a pizza place
Bumming cigarettes
And eating stolen pepperoni

Sometimes I wonder

I really do