You Should Be Worried

You're looking at me
Like you're wondering
If you should be worried

Well, let me help you out
Okay?

Yeah

You should be worried

That I'm going to try charming him
Right out of your alarmingly constricted arms

That I'm going to win him over
With my deep, artistic soul

That I'm going to slyly bring his attention
To your controlling nature
And wager that last Christmas
Was probably your last Christmas
With him

If you think I'm going to use the same old methods
Other guys have tried
Than even I'm surprised
At how fried you are

And don't think I plan
On being a man you can't get along with

On the contrary, I'm going to be
Your new best friend

I'll see you through right to the end
And when the end arrives
I'll be the one driving you
To some other guy's house

Saying 'Wow, I'm so sorry'

Then kicking you out

I'll write on your wall
And call you up for drinks
Make you think
I'm just a good, good, good
Friend
Of the person you love
Then shove you aside
When the proper time comes

As for pity, well
I have no sympathy
For people who try to stop me
From getting what I want

Obviously I'm convinced
That he should be with me
Which means you'll be happy
And more importantly
Happier with somebody
More suited for thee

See, the thing is
You bore me
And I'm sure you bore him too

He just hasn't
Looked hard enough
At you

Yet

But you can bet he will

What chance do you have
Up against
A prolific specifically endearing
Artist
Who can hold up his soul
On a canvas
Five layers deep and unemcumbered
Then hold up yours
And make it look like paint-by-number

So slumber
Because there won't be any fights

You don't even know
That a storm's coming
One of these nights

But if you want to know
If you should be worried
About me

Well, I can say is--

Buddy, I would be