Sassy Baby at Daycare

Put down my sippy cup

I don't need your germs
On my sippy cup

It's bad enough you threw up on my blankie
And now it smells like a monkey

Yeah, my Momma washed it
But you can't wash monkey
Out of a blanket

Everybody knows that

You should just change your name to Monkey

Have you learned to write your name yet?

When I write my name
I put a little star above the 'i'
That way people know I'm sassy

I'm a sassy baby

You see that girl over there?

She's got Judy Jumper on her lunchbox

Didn't she her me announce at snack time yesterday
That Judy Jumper isn't cool anymore?

Didn't I announce that
Right before you threw up on my vintage Chanel blankie?

Maybe in all the confusion
She forgot about not taking in any Judy Jumper toys or lunchboxes

I'm going to have my people e-mail her

And by 'my people,' I mean my Momma
Although she's on thin ice
Because she tried to feed me creamed turnips yesterday
And THAT did not go over well

I told her in today's economy
You can not be screwing up like that

You think Donatella would have put up with that?

She most certainly would NOT

Donatella is the girl two houses down
That I have playdates with

She fired her Momma
After an incident with a binkie
That I won't talk about
Because I don't like to gossip

(Her mother threw her binkie out.  There was blood.  Keep that between us.)

Speaking of Binkies
Look at him
With his Tommy the Talking Tuba binkie

I have a Tommy the Talking Tuba binkie

How am I supposed to go to the post-naptime party
If I have the same binkie as somebody else?

I'm going to have to have my people e-mail him
And let him know
This sort of thing
CanNOT be happening

You can't have two babies
With the same binkie
Walking around
Like it's no big deal

The last baby that showed up to a post-naptime party
With the same binkie as me
Had to switch daycares and last names
Because I do NOT mess around
When it comes to fashion and footsie pajamas

(I am very anti-footsie.  I like to be able to see my feet at all times.  How do I know they're there if I can't see them?)

Are they shutting off the lights already?

Naptime is NOT supposed to start until I have given the go-ahead

Do these people not read e-mails?

I don't even have my face mask on

We WILL be discussing this
During afternoon playtime
And I'm going to go ahead
And say some people might be looking for jobs
By tomorrow morning

Now, can you go find me some jars of creamed cucumber
To put over my eyes while I sleep?

You know, you're lucky
I don't go talking to just anybody

All this conversation you and I have been having

You should realize that this
Is a real treat