Lucky Me

He’s going to hit me up

When the money hits

And at that point

To be explicit

He can fuck off with it

He’s sitting at the table

With all his friends

Looking over at me

Like he’s waiting to see

When the dollar signs

Start popping up

Like cartoon dreamscapes

And frankly

I’m not all that invested

In having him tune in

To my dreamscapes

You know people like him?

People who hedge their bets

I hate that

I fucking hate

Hedge bet-ters

You want to bet on something

Bet on the underdog

Don’t you watch movies?
Don’t you like tv?

Don’t you see those montages

On ESPN

Where the inner city hockey team

Beats the Canadian Olympians?

People who want to sit with winners

Wind up sitting alone

Because winners take off on you

Winners find new friends

And new places to live

And new lives

They like taking photos of

And he’s not going to be in those photos

He’s not going to be making funny faces

And doing rabbit ears

While the assholes around him

Try to get their cheekbones in the frame

The way they like ‘em

And every few seconds

I get a glance

Because he wants to know

If I’m up to my jackpot

And you know what?

I’m close

I can feel it

And I’m close

But when it hits

I’m going to move tables

I’m going to slide down

So far away from him

And his popular complex

That he’ll think

I’m in another county

Another county

Another country

And another set of plans

That have nothing to do with him

I couldn’t stand it

When we were together

Him and his patch of friends

With their inside jokes

And their mannequin style

Just because I’m not enough for him

Doesn’t mean I’m not enough

I have more coming to me

Than he’s ever had

And I’d rather look forward to a surplus

Than surpass my best years

When I’m too damn stupid

To know they’re my best

I’d have loved to have taken him along

But you know--

Some people want to go the easy road

Even if it means

They gotta hitchhike

Even if it means

They can only ride along on it

On somebody else’s bus

I had so much room for him

Room I made

Room I set aside

So we could go riding together

But he didn’t want that

So instead I’m at it alone

And yeah, I’m looking forward

To the good fortune

But a fortune’s a lonely thing

If you don’t have someone

To be fortunate with

Afterwards it won’t matter

If I meet someone

Because they won’t know who I was

When things weren’t so good

They’ll only love Lucky Me

And I don’t even know

Who she is yet

But I bet she’s great

Fuck

I bet she’s a damn

Good time

Not a Bad Place to Be

Here you are in a hotel

And you’re not happy

Just think about that

Staying in a nice hotel

And miserable as fuck

What a thing to be

And a place to be it in

Why don’t you take a few more photos

Of yourself

Eating scrambled eggs in your underwear

Acting like life is grand

Sweetie, when life is grand

It does not require

Documentation

Now I appreciate the invite

But this is--

Well, it’s got the look of something

That’s supposed to make you happy

But it doesn’t have the feel of it

I was at my sister’s barbecue

Earlier today

And she’s broke as fuck

But man, did we have fun

That?

That had a good vibe to it

A positive energy

This?

This is depressing

I’m depressed

You’re sitting on that bed

Acting like a come hither

And the progression

Has us careening

Towards sex

And still

There’s the prevailing air

Of death

All over this damn room

Because you are unsure

Of your footing

And even with that six pack

Uncertainty is unsexy

I’m sorry

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry

But you could’ve figured that out

Even without me standing here

Without pants on

Looking fine as fuck

And totally disinterested

You gotta go out into that night

Into that city

Full of virgins looking to lose it

And people lining up

To show ‘em how

You gotta zoom in on life

And not zoom out

At that barbecue today

There were at least five seven-year-old’s

Who were running around

Jumping over the sprinklers

Screaming about it

Then jumping back again

Those kids, man--

They’re years away

From ever going to the coolest club

Or a good bar

Or even a halfway decent party

That doesn’t have a fucking clown at it

But they were having a time

They weren’t thinking about anything

But that sprinkler

And that backyard

And the four hot dogs they were going to eat

And puke up from exerting themselves too much

There’s no next for them

There’s no better

There’s no what else is there?

They’re not trying to feel something

They’re just feeling it

It’s…

It was something to watch

But you can’t watch six-year-old’s for that long

Without getting put on a list

So I said my good-bye’s

Finished getting drunk at a nearby Chili’s

And then came here

And I’m not mad about being here

It doesn’t bother me

But, you know--

It doesn’t exactly thrill me either

Because we’re just two people

Trying to find a sprinkler to jump in, right?

We’re just trying to have something

We didn’t know we had when we had it

And maybe that’s the thing about it

Maybe if you ever know you’re happy

You stop being happy

The minute you know it

Maybe the best we can hope for

Is room service

While we think about the times

We’re not in anymore

Not happy

But waiting on it

To come back around again

That’s not so bad, right?

Not a…

Not a terrible place

To be

Are We Pretending We Don't Know That?

They wanted a whole marketing campaign

And I was--

I can’t say ‘No’

Because I’m in the office

Twelve hours a day

So I gotta be doing something

But that whole pitch was--

It was gobbledy gook, you know?

It was nonsense

I just spit out

Whatever was first in my--

It was like stream of consciousness advertising

Like shit you’d see on Mad Men

If Mad Men were the least sexiest thing ever

And they were impressed

But, like, they wanted to see results

They wanted to know

How this was going to impact that

And how that

Was going to trickle down

To this

Those fuckers

Did their homework

Which was really

Fucking annoying

To tell you the truth

Advertising is perception

You want proof of perception?

How the fuck am I supposed to--

You know, I’ll tell you something

The clients are too damn smart

And they’re getting smarter

And our industry?

Our industry is not accounting

For how savvy these fuckers

Are getting

It is not--our industry is not

Taking it

Into consideration

They have a restaurant

And they’re sitting there

Asking me

Why nobody’s going to it

Jesus fucking Christ

I don’t know

Why nobody’s

Going to your restaurant

Nobody’s going anywhere anymore

I mean--are we all pretending we don’t know that?

People

Are not

Going out

That is just--

That is just a fact

And it’s our jobs

To make them go out?

I asked that once

At a meeting

I asked that very question

And my boss goes--

Well yeah, Chris

It is our job

As if it was the most obvious thing in the world

When really--

We’re not talking about--

Oh, put up a billboard here

And an ad in this magazine

And Bam!

You’re good to go

We’re not talking about that

We’re talking about a cultural tide

A shift in the way people, you know--

We’re talking about Netflix

And Hello Fresh!

And the other one--

What’s the other one?

Blue Apron!

That one, yeah

We’re talking about a society

That, for years, has been dreaming

Of living in that fucking apartment

From The Jetsons

Never leaving their house

Because they’d have everything they needed

Right there

And guess what, you guys?

We’re there

We’ve finally fucking landed there

In that future

With The Jetsons

And now I’m sitting in a meeting

And some restaurant chain is like--

How do we fix this?

How do we fix what?

The fact that civilization

Finally achieved its greatest dream

And that the dream was isolation?

Gee, I don’t fucking know

I don’t know how to fix that

Yeah, I get that it makes my job

Fucking null and void

But that doesn’t mean
I know what to do about it

So I put up a billboard

And take out an ad in a magazine

And like--

That’s it

That’s the best I got

You think you can do better?

Go for it

But until then

I’m going to sit on my ass for twelve hours

And wait for somebody to notice

That I’m a goddamn dinosaur

So they can stick me

In a museum

That’s it, you know?

That’s all I can do