Tuesday, December 31, 2019

The 365 Monologue 2019

I ran into him again in January at a Starbucks by the airport.  He looked like he was two miles from healthy, but almost there. I tried to hide my ring, but he saw it anyway.  He said ‘Congratulations’ and I shook my head. I wanted to tell him that it should have been his ring on my finger, but why be hurtful?  He told me there was a plane ticket in his pocket. I didn’t ask where he was going because I was scared I might ask to go with him. He still had the best smile you’ve ever seen and the worst way of using it.  There was no way he was ever going to change, and the only way to love him was to love what was frozen about him. I never knew if I could do that when we were both younger. Now I wasn’t sure there was any other way to love a person.  We talked for a few minutes. Then I drove straight into a blizzard. The snow felt like it was telling me to go back. The plane would have been delayed. He would still be at the airport waiting for me. Nobody would ever forgive me, but I guess first you have to forgive yourself.  The snow made the road look like blank paper you could drive a new story on. Maybe I was just looking too hard for a metaphor. I turned the car around and that’s when the truck hit me. Sent me two lanes over into a ditch. When I woke up in the hospital the first thing my fiance asked me was ‘What were you doing near the airport?’  I didn’t tell him I had a ticket in my pocket. That running into the one that got away made me run back home. I just said I had no idea. Memory loss. He bought it. What else could he do? The wedding was a month away. When I left the hospital, I arrived home to find a gift sitting on my porch. It was a box with a ring inside it and a note that said “Wear this one instead.”

Sunday, December 29, 2019

Miriam Slater, Love Don't Cost a Thing

If you’ve been rich
It’s true that being poor
Might be more difficult


I was rich
Now I’m not
It’s not the end of the world
But the world has looked prettier
At least as far as I’m concerned


But my new husband?


He’s a gem


Not a real gem
That would be useful

A gem of a person
Which isn’t worth much
Unless you’re me
And could use a little warmth
A little bit of affection
From someone
You’re not employing


Did you know that these days
Marrying your employees
Is frowned upon?

I had no idea


Not until I lost all my money
And couldn’t afford to employ
Any potential husbands anyway


I know what you’re thinking


Miriam--how did you lose your money?


It’s the wildest story
Just bonkers, truly


A man comes to the door one day
And asks me how I feel
About portable submarines


I said ‘I adore the ocean’


And it’s true
I always have


Nobody loves the Indian Ocean
More than me


The Indian
The Atlantic
The Mediterranean
The Baltic
The Huron
The Michigan


I love ‘em all


So this man comes to the door
And he’s talking about these little submarines
That have wheels on them
Just like cars
And can go right into the ocean
And you can get them in blue or red
Or a nice purple
I asked him if they have purple
And he said ‘Sure’
So then I gave him all my money


Well, not all of it
But most of it
Most of all of it


Wound up penniless
And dollar-less
Which is even worse


Had to move into this tiny apartment
Using the petty cash
I kept hidden behind my wine wall


It’ll be enough to live on
Provided I die by next weekend


But since I’ve always lived
For the moment
I’m used to thinking in terms
Of the here and now


And my husband?

The love of my life?

His little apartment is right next to mine
I got so excited when we met
And I realized he was the one
That I knocked down the wall
Separating our apartments
And while he was screaming
About us not getting something called
‘A security deposit’ back
I made plans for a simple little wedding
Less than three hundred people
And only two entrees


He can afford to splurge a little
He is a polygraph machine technician
And lord knows they make a...living


So now I’m very happy
And I have to say
I deserve it


We can’t all die rich
But we can certainly die in love
And that’s just what I intend on doing


LIke they all say--


Seventh time is a charm


And this time it just has to work


You know, since I can’t exactly
Afford a divorce


Ah, love


Always better
When it’s all

You’ve got

The Broken Mold

So I made the perfect person
Just a truly
Altogether
Perfect human being

And then I thought
I heard someone say something
Like, I thought somebody was like--

Hey God

But I hadn’t really
Created anybody else yet
So it was weird
But I was like--

Oh maybe I created someone
And forgot about it

So I turned around
And when I did
I hit the mold
With the perfect human in it
And down it goes
To the--

Well, I had just made the ground
And so it hit the ground
And shattered

Oh, I was so upset
You can’t imagine

Do you have any idea
How hard it is
To make the perfect mold

I’m not talking about the human
That comes out of the mold
I’m talking about the mold itself

Once you have that
Making perfect people
Is a cinch

Then I remembered
That I had made one person
Before the mold broke
And she was just sitting there
On the counter
And I thought--

Okay, now what do I do?

I could use the perfect person
To make another mold
But you know
It’s a chicken and an egg thing
Or rather--

It’s not a chicken and an egg thing

You have to make the mold first
You can’t do it in reverse
You can’t reverse engineer
The perfect mold

Even I can’t do that
And I can make a rock so heavy
That even I can’t move it

So there I am
With the perfect person
And a broken mold
That I broke
After I made the perfect person
And even since then
I’ve been working
At making another perfect mold
But, in the interest of full disclosure,
I kind of got bored with the whole thing
And decided that people didn’t need
To be perfect
To be interesting

In fact, they’re more interesting
If they’re not perfect

So once I’d made Julia Child
I pretty much just said--

That’s fine
That’ll do
We’re good

I mean, do we need millions
Of little Julia Child’s running around
Making delicious food
And gutting poultry?

One is fine

Of course at that point
I didn’t have a sense of time
And mortality

So as far as I knew
Julia Child would live forever
And would likely become
A god on earth

One to replace me
And, you know,
I was fine with that

But then she died
Which didn’t diminish
Her perfect nature
Not one bi

It just meant that I had to
Go back to thinking about
Making another mold

I still haven’t gotten around to it
But once I do
It’s possible humanity
Will make its own Julia Child

Granted, it’ll be pretty hard
Without a mold
But they’ve done some
Impressive stuff, so-

You know

It could happen

Ten Hours Early

I left ten hours early
Because if I stayed
It was going to be about leaving
And I had already left
In my head, you know, I--

I left two days
Before I even got there

I had to
That was the only--

That was the only way
I was going to be able
To make it

The trip

I used to sob
Thinking about doing this
Making this trip
Coming to see you
Knowing
Knowing it could only ever be
A trip
A--

A vacation, or…

I don’t know what
I was thinking

But I knew
That there was this thing
This…

...Painful thing

That had to be done

Because sometimes
Curiosity is stronger
Than--than anything else

I had to know if coming here
Would mean I’d realize
That I needed to be here
That--that if I came
I’d want to stay

But I also knew
It was a--

That there was a chance
I’d come here
And I’d feel like--

Like it was a nice break
A nice break in time
But that I couldn’t stay
That I’d have to go back
To the days I recognize
In a place I recognize
A person that--

That I am comfortable being

I knew two days before I came
That I was going back

You didn’t--

You didn’t even know
What I was considering, did you?

I didn’t see the point
In telling you

I mean, I know that there’d be a point
But why get your hopes up
Or have you not have any hopes at all?

Why not just roll the dice
And see what numbers
Come up?

But the numbers
Our numbers
They didn’t shake out right

Five days became four
Since we’re not going to be eating
Breakfast together
Tomorrow morning

Ten years away from each other
Becomes ten years more
Becomes--

Who knows how long?

I like knowing
That I could hop back on a plane tomorrow
And be right back in that bed
Next to you
Feeling like I don’t need
To be anywhere else

How does somebody
Walk away
From something like that?

Sometimes you get so tangled up
In the knots of your own making
It feels like you should just
Figure out how to get comfortable
With them
Cutting off your air

That’s what I did

I got comfortable

I don’t know how to
Walk away from that

But you?

You I know
How to walk away from

I mean, let’s face it

As far as you and I are concerned
All I’ve ever done
Is leave ten hours early

And two days before
You even knew

I arrived