Sully the Cat Stays In

I’m staying in today

I thought about going out

But then I remembered

I’m an indoor cat

It’s for my own protection

There are birds outside

And if I were to be let out

I’d be pecked to death by them

Or one of the squirrels

Would force feed me acorns

Until I exploded

I’m aware of the existence

Of outdoor cats

But I’m also aware

Of nuclear fallout

Just because something

Is a possibility

Doesn’t mean

It needs to be explored

I have no exploratory instinct

Oh, don’t get me wrong

If you put a suitcase on the floor

I’m going to crawl inside it

And lurk within the darkness

Until someone tries to move the suitcase

And then I’ll jump out at them

Just so I can witness

A burst of uncontrollable fear

But that pretty much satisfies

My thirst for blood

And then I go back to laying

On my human’s laptop

I once saw a cat

Roaming the street

Big tail, long legs

Decent ears

Nothing to write home about

Provided you can write

If I were able to write

I’d write a cookbook

But there would only be one recipe

Because then nobody would feel any pressure

My human has all these cookbooks

And she doesn’t make anything

In any of them

But it’s probably because

There’s so much in them

If there were just one recipe

She could make that one thing

And feel a sense of accomplishment

And the thing would be tuna

And I would get some

And everybody would be happy

Until we’re reminded once again

That death is right around the corner

In the form of pecking birds

Of demonic squirrels

The cat I saw outside

Came right up to our patio window

And I put my paw up to the glass

So he could do the same

And we could share a moment

Of acknowledgment

That we’re similar and yet different

But instead he threw a dead mouse

Against the glass and walked away

Bitch

What is he trying to prove?

That he can kill a mouse

And I can’t?

Why would I want to kill a mouse?

A mouse never hurt me

Now if I could kill loneliness

That would be a different story

I would love to throw

A big pile of ennui

Right up against some patio glass

And call it a day

Cats are so smart

And so simple at the same time

Once the hunter part of us kicks in

It’s all we can do

Not to turn into silly little leopards

Who sink our teeth into voles

And groundhogs

And chipmunks

And whatever else seems kill-able to us

That’s what’s out there

And that’s why I’m in here

A place can be as big

As you want it to be

Why call it a living room

If you’re going to go

Living somewhere else?

I decided the other day

That the downstairs bathroom

Was as big as Canada

And wouldn’t you know it?

It felt like it

It felt like it was just as big

As I needed it to be