She Wears It Like She Owns It

The earrings went in her pocket

Plain and simple

Sometimes the most blatant theft

Is the easiest one

To pull off

Nobody watching her

Would think anybody

Could be that bold

People still don’t recognize shamelessness

Even in this day and age

The coat was harder

Obviously

But she needed a coat

It was getting colder out

And the thin ones don’t cut it

She gets cold

The way her mother used to get cold

Down to the bone

And she’d practically have to wear a deer

Around her top half

To keep the chill out

You don’t want to get sick

When you don’t know

If you’re going to be sleeping in a car

For the night

Then you’re really in trouble

The coat’s gotta be big enough

To double as a blanket

Because you can only turn the heat on

And blast it

For an hour or so

Before you risk running out of gas

And who knows when there’ll be money

For that again

She swiped the coat

From a discount rack
Near the front of the store

And squeezed through the gap

Between the sliding glass

And the security detectors

Then she had to run for it

No point in pretending otherwise

But lucky for her

The alarm didn’t go off

And the place was so busy

Even if somebody saw her

They might not have bothered

Chasing her down

For a coat that was already

Marked to half price

The shoes were a gift

From a man

She was seeing

Who thought she’d like them

He took off about a month later

And she has no idea where he went

But she’s grateful for the shoes

Hang on, she wants to speak with you

Herself--

I got the ring from a yard sale

And I paid for it

Just not as much as I think it’s worth

My plan was to turn around

And re-sell it

But I ended up keeping it

Because it made me feel nice

And I noticed that when other people

Look at it

They just--

They treat me differently

The dress I balled up

And threw in a purse

And then I shoved both of them

In a bigger purse

And I snuck into the employee restroom

And waited in there

Until the store closed

I knew security only checked

The employee bathroom on the first floor

And not the second

Because I’d been surveillancing the place

For a week

It was also glaring how lax

The overall security apparatus was there

So I knew that once the place was closed

The only trick would be getting out

Without setting off any alarms

And the door at the back

Has one of those turn alarms

That you can switch off

With the right kind of key

So I just went out that way

And, you know, I could have been greedy
And grabbed a lot more

Than a purse and a dress

And you’re probably saying--

Why did you even have to hide

What you were taking

If you were going to slip out

In the middle of the night anyway?

But you can’t just go walking out of a store

With stolen merchandise

Doesn’t matter

Who might see you or not

You can’t walk the right way

If what you took

Is just something you’re carrying

You gotta wear it

Like you own it

That’s the only way

It works