The Day I Got Suspended

The day I got suspended
I was in a really bad place

For one thing, Mom
Mike is drinking again

I caught him with a cup of coffee this morning before homeroom

Mom, you know how he gets
But I don't know what to do

He said he had a pop quiz first period
And he just needed something to take the edge off

I said, 'Mike, coffee doesn't take the edge off anything.  It puts the edge on.'

But he doesn't want to hear it

And then there's Sarah

Oh Mom, she's a mess

A new guy every day
Sometimes two during American History

I don't know what it is about the American Revolution
That makes everybody act like porcupines

Well, they're a very amorous breed of animal, Mom
Gosh, didn't you listen in school?

So between Mike falling off the caffeinated wagon
And Sarah trying to have me help her choose
DJ the male cheerleader
Between Roman the exchange student
Who only knows the words 'Yes' and 'Storage Closet'
I was at wit's end

Which is why when Mr. Marcos
Stopped me in the hallway
And told me that I was late for class
I told him that it must be nice
To lead a carefree life
Of teaching American Lit to sophomores

Because we all know The Red Badge of Courage
Is so dense and intricate

That's how I got suspended that day
And honestly, Mom
I would have told you about it
When it happened

But you were so busy with work
And dealing with your mid-to-late life crisis
That it completely slipped my mind
And I might or might not
Have signed the note sent home myself
So as not to bother you

Well, if you'll excuse me
I have to go graduate from high school
And become a young woman
Who can no longer be punished by her mother
Because she's an adult

Hmm?

Well yes, Mom
You're correct
I won't be turning eighteen until July
But that's a mere month away

You can't possibly be planning on grounding me for an entire month
When I'm on the verge of maturity?

Mom?

Mom, why are you smiling?

...Mom?