She Hopes It's Just the Sex

She hopes it's just the sex

His arms, his shoulders
The way his back relaxes
Underneath her hands

She hopes she's not in love
Just because she likes the comfort she finds
Against him

She hates how traditional she's being
And at the same time, modern

Easy sex with a man
Who would probably accept more
If she gave any indication that she wanted it

And she does, sort of, want it
But she can't convince herself
That it's anything more than the fact
That it's difficult for her to have sex with a man more than twice
And not feel some sort of attachment

And why does she feel bad about that?

Because it means she's not a modern woman?

And if she did feel good about it
Would she call herself a slut?

Is there any way to win here?

He's a nice guy
He might even be a bright guy
And he certainly has a good job

Not that any of that matters

Although, it does matter
Because when she drives home from his house

(Never staying over--again, her choice)

She lists all the reasons
It's okay to have sex with him

He's not just cute, he's intelligent--maybe
So maybe that means she's not shallow
Although, to be honest, if he weren't intelligent
The whole thing might even appeal to her more

Fucking some dumb guy
Like men fuck dumb bimbos

The only difference being that men are expected to do that
While women are expected to be the bimbos
Or wait until the men are done fucking the bimbos
And then marry those men
Once their whoring has been (mostly) completed

Fuck them all, she thinks
Nearly driving her car down a one-way street

I will fuck who I want

No man would be this tormented
Over scoring with some hot girl

She's sure that the man she just left isn't tormented

Or maybe he is

Maybe he wanted her to stay

Should she have stayed?

Should she try to love him?

Oh God, love?

Did she just think about the word 'love?'

Can't she 'like' him first?

Can't they get dinner?

But she doesn't want dinner!

She just wants sex!

Why can't she just have sex?

Why did whoever created woman
Decide that sex would be so hard for them?

(Oh right, God--a man--shocker)

She wanted to go back to his house
And crawl into bed with him
And discuss their wedding
And what private school they'd send their children to

Just give into the fact
That she was going to have to at least attempt
Something greater than a physical relationship
In the event that he was a total catch
And she wasn't even aware of it
Because so far all they'd said to each other was--

'How's work?' and 'Flip me over'

But she hopes it's just the sex

She hopes that he's not any smarter than she thinks he is
And that he isn't sweet or funny
And that he's ultra-conservative (how ironic that would be)
And that he believes women should be in the kitchen
And that everyone should own a gun
And that gays shouldn't get married
And that church should be attended regularly
And that after the third time you have sex with somebody
You stop calling them completely

Then her problem would be solved

But if he was anything other than a complete asshole
She was in trouble

She was in big trouble

And he did seem nice
He really did

And she responded to nice

How could she not?

But how was it that as soon as she decided
That she was going to stop being a relationship-chaser
And just have a fling every now again
She'd flung herself right into the arms
Of a genuinely nice guy
Who just happened to make her climax three times
In under an hour?

How?

How was it possible?

She hopes it's just the sex
But even if it is
She's still in bad shape

And chances are
It's not just the sex

But still, she thinks

One can hope