So I was in a tub...
Was there anything else in the tub?
Like, I don't know
Water?
Let me rephrase that
Was there any possibility of me drowning?
Define drowning?
Um, drowning is that thing you do
When your friends leave you passed out
In a tub of water
After you've been drinking all night
Well, if it wasn't water, what was it?
Vinegar?
Dude, where the hell did you get that much vinegar?
No wonder my nostrils closed up
If I smelled myself
I'd probably pass out
And where was this tub anyway?
A ravine?
Don't ravines have water in them?
Why were we partying in a ravine?
A Ravine Party?
That's not a thing
Dude, no, that's not a thing
You can't just add 'party' to the end of something
And have it be a thing
But anyway, I'm in a tub
In a ravine
And I didn't drown
Which is kind of a miracle
Since apparently I was surrounded by water
Then what happened?
The mob?
How did the mob get involved?
The guy throwing the party?
What was he Russian or something?
Well, what kind of mob were they?
They have to be a something mob
They can't just be the Mob
So you go to specific parties
But get chased away by general mobs
Leaving your friend to die
That's how you guys meander, huh?
No, you don't 'roll'
You meander
You are meanderers
Well, what do they call this mob?
The Ravine Mob?
Why does the Ravine need a mob?
Is there a lot of drug trafficking going on in the ravine?
Perhaps illegal hooch?
Maybe that's why they have the tubs full of vinegar?
So where did the Ravine Mob take me?
Sarasota?
What's in Sarasota?
And by the way, at what point did you realize
That there was a good chance
I was in big trouble?
Yes, I would definitely say that at that point
I was in big trouble
I was unconscious and soaked with vinegar
And--you know what, I'd say 'kidnapped'
But seeing as how I didn't refuse going with the Ravine Mob
Because I couldn't speak or formulate thought
I guess I might have been a willing participant
But nevertheless, I was not in a good situation
And why were they taking me to Sarasota?
The Cult?
What cult?
The Ravine Cult?
The Ravine Mob Cult?
The Sarasota Cult featuring the Ravine Mob and Kenny Loggins?
What are we talking here?
And why was I going to a cult?
...Sacrifice?
They were going to kill me?
Why?
I'm not a virgin
...Dude, I'm not
Dude, seriously, I'm not
Okay, well whatever
What does the Ravine Mob know anyway?
So they were going to kill me?
Dude, that's what a sacrifice is
I was going to do the sacrificing?
What was I supposed to sacrifice?
A kitten?
Dude, that's messed up
I would never do that
I mean, like...
Was it a 'me or the kitten' kind of thing?
If I didn't do it, was I getting killed?
Because maybe--
You know what
No, I couldn't do it
They'd have to kill me
I couldn't take the life of an innocent kitten
That kitten could grow up
To do great things
So what happened?
Dude, I didn't kill the cat, did I?
Seriously, man
Stop messing around
Did I kill the kitten?
. . . . .
The truck broke down?
A truck?
The Ravine Mob doesn't have a limo?
That's kind of shabby, dude
I mean, I'd expect a little bit more from the Ravine Mob
So what happened then?
They left me on the side of the road
You know, I'm not trying to judge them
But it doesn't sound like they were really committed
To this whole sacrifice
If you need someone-who-you-think-is-a-virgin-but-isn't
To kill a kitten for you as part of a cult sacrifice
You don't just forget the whole thing
Because your pick-up breaks down
I mean, c'mon
That's just being defeatist
So they leave me on the side of the road
And then what?
Uh huh
Uh huh
Uh huh
So you're not entirely sure he was a policeman
Yeah, he definitely would have had a badge
No, they don't just have pieces of paper sometimes
They pretty much always have a badge
That's like the first thing they give you
At policeman school
I wonder if he was the one who shaved my head
Or if the Ravine Mob did that
You guys shaved my head?
Dude, why?
No, seriously, man
That's not cool
The other stuff I can forgive you for
Especially since the fake policeman
Ended up bringing me home
A few days later
But shaving my head?
Man, that's just wrong
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