What's She Addicted to Now?

When she was twelve

She had the eating disorder

And we talked to her about it

We took her to the, to the—

Where’d we take her, P?

We took her somewhere

And we pretty much

Got that cleared up

And it was serious

It was very serious

And so we were, uh

We were very careful

To, uh, approach it

You know

The way we thought

It needed

To be approached

Until she was all fixed up

And then—

And that was a year or two

I don’t want to make it sound like

It just came and went

It was a whole thing

Our whole lives got caught up in that

So you should just
Know that

After the eating disorder

Was the cutting

The self-harm

Or whatever

That didn’t last as long
As the eating disorder

But it was still a few months

And we thought

Maybe it was a, a—

You know, like

Maybe it was withdrawal or something

From the eating disorder

From not having that anymore

But then after that

We found out she was doing drugs

And that’s not something—

I mean, therapy’s fine

Counselors are fine

Listening and talking and feelings

All that’s fine

We’re not savages

We’re not cave-people
We understand it’s tough for girls

And being a woman

And everything

And what happened to her—

What happened to her

When she was young

That was rough

And nobody’s saying it wasn’t

But I don’t do drugs

And I don’t tolerate people

Who do drugs

And I told her that

And now—keep in mind

That was before I even knew

About the drinking

She’s not even eighteen at this point

Forget about twenty-one

And she’s drinking

And doing drugs

And we’d just had it

I mean, I guess, uh—

I guess I’ll just speak for me here

But we had had it

With this whole thing

This addiction

That addiction

All of that

I mean, at some point

You have to take responsibility

For what you’re doing

With your life

Now I understand

She wasn’t an adult

At that point

At least not the way
We think about adults nowadays

But she wasn’t a kid either
Not really

And she’s going around

Getting herself into all kinds of trouble
That other people

Are going to have to get her out of

And that’s just not right

To shut down an entire family

And what the people in that family

Have going on in their own lives

Just so you can cut yourself up

Or shoot up

Or get drunk
Or do whatever you feel like doing

Is just wrong

It’s wrong and selfish

And I was fed up with it

So now you’re here

Telling me about her latest thing

And you know, I cut her off

Yeah, and I’m not happy to say that

But I’m not ashamed to say it either

I cut her off

Because I didn’t know

What else I was supposed to do

And she’s not my only kid, you know

I have other kids too

Four of them

And I have to think about them
Don't I/

I have to think about

Protecting them

So you come here

And you’re talking

And I’m listening

But in the back of my mind

All I’m thinking is—

What’s she addicted to now?

What’s she gotten herself into now?

And I know how that sounds

And I know it’s…

I know how it sounds

But I can’t help you

I can’t help you

And I can’t help her

And that’s it

That’s just all there is to it