We Might Be Heroes: The Orphan

Why is it in every movie

There’s a woman

Telling a man

Not to do the thing

Everybody needs him to do?

‘No, Scott, don’t box that guy.  If you take one more hit to the head, you could die!’

‘No , Daniel, don’t get on that ship.  We don’t need the money that bad.  And a storm’s comin’!’

‘No, Pete, don’t coach that team.  Me and the kids need you.’

Geez

I never wanted to be that woman

The one telling her husband

He shouldn’t do something

He wanted to do

If you want to do it, go right ahead

Just so long as you know

I’m going to do what I wanna do too, okay?

Okay

And me and my husband got along great

And by great, I mean

I don’t have a husband

Because who needs that, right?

I don’t do well with people

People need things from you

They need you to listen to ‘em

To love ‘em

To stick around when you’d rather go

To leave ‘em alone when you just want to be next to ‘em

People are a pain in the ass

I was an orphan, growing up

So I got used to it just being me

And nobody left me in a pretty basket somewhere either

I got left in a trash can

In an alley

Outside an apartment building

On the rougher side

Of an already pretty rough town

I was in an orphanage for the first part of my life

Then I got bounced around from foster home to foster home

And finally, when I was thirteen

I ran away

And fended for myself for a couple of years

Doing whatever I had to do

And at no point, did I ever trust somebody else

To give me something I needed

Or tell me the truth

Or love me

Or anything

But the one thing I could do

The one thing that helped me out the most

Was speed

I could always move fast

Really fast

And that got me out of

Some tough situations

Now I’m signing up for this Enhanced Abilities program

To see if I can put that skill to use

In this little skirmish we’re about to have

And it’s not because I want to be a hero

I haven’t survived this long

Just so I can die

And people can talk about how swell I was

No, I’m doing this because I want people to see

That it doesn’t matter where you start

It’s where you wind up

And a million people standing in front of you

Still can’t get in your way

The same way you can

If you decide you’re not enough on your own

Does that make sense?

You know, Superman’s an orphan too

So is Batman

And probably some others too

That I don’t know about

When I was growing up

Other kids around without parents

Would always feel ashamed

For not having folks

I never felt that way

In my mind, I told myself

That my parents just didn’t want

To hold me back

Or get in my way

They set me down

The same way we all gotta get set down sometime

I just got a head start

We Might Be Heroes: Between the Three of Us

(EMMA’s apartment.  JENNIFER is sitting down.  EMMA enters as she speaks and sits down across from EMMA.)

EMMA:  --And the place is such a mess.

JENNIFER:  It’s really not.

EMMA:  I know, that’s just something you say.  The place is a mess, I look awful, your hair looks great—all that shit.

JENNIFER:  Should you be serving me tea?

EMMA:  I don’t have tea.  I have vodka.  You want vodka?

JENNIFER:  I’d—No.

EMMA:  So.  You’re here.  What now?

JENNIFER:  I wanted to let you know I’m enlisting.

EMMA:  Really?

JENNIFER:  Yes.

EMMA:  Well, that’s great.  I hope you die.

JENNIFER:  You mean you hope I don’t die?

EMMA:  No, I hope you die.  You heard me right the first time.

JENNIFER:  That’s not—okay.

EMMA:  Why did you come here, Jen?

JENNIFER:  I’m your last connection to Walter.  I thought maybe you’d want to, you know, speak with him before—Before he and I—

EMMA:  Rush off to battle E.T.?  Nah, I’m good.  Lock the door on your way out.

JENNIFER:  I didn’t ask for this, you know.

EMMA:  When you shack up with a married man, you ask for all kinds of things, Jennifer.  You may not realize it at the time, but that’s what happens.  You shack your way into a whole shitload of problems.

JENNIFER:  He wanted me to come here today.

EMMA:  Did he?  Well, isn’t that conscientious of him?

JENNIFER:  He feels guilty.

EMMA:  What about you, Jen?  Do you feel guilty?

JENNIFER:  I feel…I’m seeing someone now.  Someone new.

EMMA:  Oh really?  Does he know my ex-husband is living inside you?

JENNIFER:  He knows I have an illness.

EMMA:  Well, that’s one way of putting it.

JENNIFER:  I know you must feel envious of—

EMMA:  Envious?  That Walter chose to reside in you upon the moment of his death instead of me?  Actually, I’m thrilled.  Why would I want a lying, cheating asshole residing in my body?  Trust me, I’m good.  I’ve taken up golfing.  And gambling.  And excessive drinking.  You sure you don’t want that vodka?

JENNIFER:  You must want to speak with him?

EMMA:  I have no urge.  None at all.  And for your information, the only reason his energy resides in you is because you were with him when he died.  If he had been here, with his wife, I probably would be stuck with him.  So I’m just lucky I guess.

JENNIFER:  I’m still getting used to his powers.

EMMA:  Have you lit anything on fire yet?

JENNIFER:  Just the curtains in my living room.

EMMA:  God, I went through so many curtains.  Eventually I just switched to blinds.

JENNIFER:  He misses you.

EMMA:  Wow, that must be hard for you to say.

JENNIFER:  It is.

EMMA:  Wonderful.  I don’t miss him.  Please let him know.  Or does he just hear me?  Is that how that works?

JENNIFER:  You don’t have to be cruel, Emma.  It’s likely that once the war starts, he and I will both be dead, so you don’t have to—

EMMA:  You never said ‘Sorry.’  Either of you.  Not once.  Not once did you even—

JENNIFER:  Sorry?  You wanted us to say Sorry?  As if Sorry was enough?

EMMA:  People are always saying Sorry isn’t enough when really it’s just that they don’t want to say anything at all.

JENNIFER:  I’m sorry.  He’s sorry.  We’re both very sorry.

EMMA:  I don’t wish death upon you.  I was just being a bitch.

JENNIFER:  Well that’s…good.

EMMA:  What’s it like?  Having him in your brain all the time?

JENNIFER:  It’s like a permanent ice cream headache.

EMMA:  That sounds horrendous.

JENNIFER:  (Shrugs.)  You can get used to almost anything.  That’s what I’ve learned.

EMMA:  Do you have any of his…qualities?

JENNIFER:  Well, I drink beer now.  I never used to before.

EMMA:  What else?

JENNIFER:  I read the newspaper now.  I never read the newspaper before, and…I’m slightly attracted to women as well.

EMMA:  That must be—interesting for you.

JENNIFER:  Actually, I used to be very attracted to women, now I’m only slightly attracted.  Walter isn’t as…liberal as I am.

EMMA:  Yeah, he wasn’t much fun.  I have no idea why I fell in love with him.

JENNIFER:  I know why I did.

EMMA:  Oh?

JENNIFER:  He looked lost.  When I met him.  And I, uh…I don’t know.  I felt like I could help find him.  Or, help him find himself, I guess.

EMMA:  You’re right.  He was always lost.  I could never…

(A beat.)

Would you say you were lost too?

JENNIFER:  I didn’t think I was, but…maybe.  Maybe we’re all sort of lost.  Maybe other people help us find ourselves.  That’s not a very progressive way of looking at things, but—

EMMA:  Screw being progressive.  At least you’re being honest.

JENNIFER:  Right.  Well—if there’s nothing you want to say to him, then—

EMMA:  Tell him he’s a miserable bastard.

JENNIFER:  Emma—

EMMA:  And I forgive him.

(A beat.)

And I forgive you too.  And I forgive myself for falling in love with somebody who couldn’t love me back.  He and I were two blue pieces from two different puzzles.  We only looked like we would fit together.  Still, I guess you can’t blame us for trying.

JENNIFER:  He says ‘Thank you.’  And, I want to say ‘Thank you’ too.

EMMA:  Do you want to do this—the fighting, I mean.  Is that you or him?

JENNIFER:  Believe it or not, it’s mostly me.  Between the two of us, I think he’s a little scared.

EMMA:  So why is he going along with it?

JENNIFER:  Because he knows it means something to me.  To be able to—contribute.

EMMA:  I get that.

                (She stands.  JENNIFER does as well.)

Good luck to you, Jen.  To both of you.

JENNIFER:  Uh, this is a little odd, but…Walter would like to hug you.

EMMA:  Tell him he can go—

JENNIFER:  Fine.  Fine.  I’ll pass that along to him.

                (EMMA extends her hand.)

EMMA:  Best I can do.

                (JENNIFER looks at EMMA’s hand, and then shakes it.)

JENNIFER:  By the way, I’m sorry.

EMMA:  You said that already.

JENNIFER:  No, I mean, I’m sorry about the curtains in your bathroom.

EMMA:  (Laughs.)  Good old, Walter.

                (Lights.)

We Might Be Heroes: All of Me

(BRIANNA and CHRIS are at a bus station.)

CHRIS:  So you talked to him?

BRIANNA:  Yes.

CHRIS:  Was he…nice?

BRIANNA:  What do you think, Chris?

CHRIS:  I think I told you not to talk to him.

BRIANNA:  I had to.

CHRIS:  Why?

BRIANNA:  Because there are things you’re not telling me.

CHRIS:  Like what?

BRIANNA:  Like…Let’s not do this.  You have a bus to catch.

CHRIS:  Brianna, did he say something that—

BRIANNA:  He said you don’t want to go.

CHRIS:  Oh, is that a big secret?

BRIANNA:  It was to me.

CHRIS:  You know I don’t want to do this.

BRIANNA:  Then why are you doing it?

CHRIS:  Because if I don’t turn myself in, and they find out—

BRIANNA:  You’re not compelled to—

CHRIS:  Come on, Bri, the writing’s on the wall here—

BRIANNA:  It’s voluntary, Chris.

CHRIS:  Yeah, until it isn’t.  Until aliens are raining fire down upon us.

BRIANNA:  I think you’re going because of him.

CHRIS:  You’re talking about him like he’s a totally different person.

BRIANNA:  Well, isn’t he?

CHRIS:  No.  He’s just…another side of me.  A bigger, scarier, some might say sexier side of—

BRIANNA:  Did he say something to me?

CHRIS:  What?

BRIANNA:  About when he and I talked.  Did he say anything?

CHRIS:  He can’t say things to me, Brianna.  We share the same brain.  Whatever he knows, I know.

BRIANNA:  Then why don’t you know what he and I talked about?

CHRIS:  Not everything is shared.

BRIANNA:  Who decides on what to share?

CHRIS:  This is not a healthy conversation.

BRIANNA:  Fine.  Forget it.

CHRIS:  Are you worried about something?

BRIANNA:  You mean aside from the fact that my boyfriend is signing up to go fight an intergalactic war?

CHRIS:  Don’t evade.

BRIANNA:  We…something happened.

CHRIS:  Okay…

BRIANNA:  Between me and…him.

CHRIS:  Uh—

BRIANNA:  I mean, you and I.  Because you’re the same person, right?

CHRIS:  Well—not technically.

BRIANNA:  You just said—

CHRIS:  What did you do?

BRIANNA:  What do you mean what did I do?  What about what he did?

CHRIS:  What did he do?

BRIANNA:  He…was very…charming.

CHRIS:  Charming?  He’s twelve feet tall and the only word he knows is ‘Smash.’

BRIANNA:  We spoke with our bodies.

CHRIS:  And what did your body say to his body?

BRIANNA:  …Yes?

CHRIS:  Yes to what?

BRIANNA:  Chris, he’s you.

CHRIS:  Except he’s not me.  He just…uses my body, and then tosses me aside like I’m nothing.

BRIANNA:  Oh, trust me, I know the feeling.

CHRIS:  I’m going to kill him!

BRIANNA:  How?

CHRIS:  I don’t know!

BRIANNA:  It was only one time.

CHRIS:  I didn’t even think he was interested in…that sort of thing.

BRIANNA:  Oh, he was interested.

CHRIS:  At any point, were you concerned about me?

BRIANNA:  I thought you’d be happy that he and I were getting along.

CHRIS:  You know what I’m going to do?  I’m going to wait until I turn into him, stand right in front of those alien lasers, and let them blow me away.

BRIANNA:  But you could end up dead too.

CHRIS:  Probably.

BRIANNA:  You’re overreacting.

CHRIS:  How would you like it if I…interacted—with your alter ego.

BRIANNA:  You mean Katrina?

CHRIS:  You named her?

BRIANNA:  Just, you know, in my mind.

CHRIS:  Well, just so you know, she is very, very sexy and I’ve never even talked to her.

BRIANNA:  Well, your big buddy talked to her.

CHRIS:  What the hell does that mean?

BRIANNA:  Well…Katrina wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

CHRIS:  He got Katrina too?!?!?

BRIANNA:  You’re taking this way too personally.

CHRIS:  That’s it.  Take her out.

BRIANNA:  Take who out?

CHRIS:  Katrina.

BRIANNA:  Why?

CHRIS:  So we can make out.

BRIANNA:  Chris, we’re at a bus station.

CHRIS:  So?

BRIANNA:  So do you really need to prove something here and—

CHRIS:  He gets everything.  He gets you, he gets Katrina, he gets to be a hero.  What am I going to get?  Killed.  That’s it.  And when all is said and done, I’m sure his picture will be on the news and I’ll just be the guy who was renting him a room in the meantime.

BRIANNA:  He’s not a hero, Chris.  You’re the hero.

CHRIS:  You think so, but—

BRIANNA:  But what?

CHRIS:  Kids don’t go dressed as Clark Kent for Halloween.

BRIANNA:  Actually, I always thought Clark Kent was kind of cute.

CHRIS:  Really?

BRIANNA:  Yeah.

(A beat.)

BRIANNA:  I mean, not as cute as Superman, but—

CHRIS:  You’re awful.

BRIANNA:  I know.  But you love me?

CHRIS:  Yes.

BRIANNA:  All of me?

CHRIS:  Yes.

BRIANNA:  And I love all of you.

CHRIS:  I know.  That’s the problem.

                (Lights.)

We Might Be Heroes: The Sauce

            (MATTHEW sits at a table in an interview room.  LIZA enters and sits down across from him.)

LIZA:  Mr. Corgan, I think there might be a mix-up.

MATTHEW:  Oh?

LIZA:  Yes, this is the Enhanced Abilities section.  Were you looking for Social Security?

MATTHEW:  Is that a joke?

LIZA:  No.

MATTHEW:  You think because I’m old I can’t—

LIZA:  I think if you had lived—as long as you’ve lived—without revealing your gift, then that would be a miracle.

MATTHEW:  People hide all kinds of things.

LIZA:  So you can read minds?

MATTHEW:  Most minds, yes.

LIZA:  I’m thinking of a number—

MATTHEW:  Eight hundred and forty-two.

            (A beat.)

MATTHEW:  You also need to get an oil change.  You knew that when you walked in here, but I think you forgot when you sat down.  You’re having trouble remembering things, am I right?

LIZA:  Is this a joke?

MATTHEW:  I thought we agreed we weren’t joking?

LIZA:  I’m thinking of another number.

MATTHEW:  Eight hundred and forty-three.  All you did was add a number.  You can do better than that.

LIZA:  Go again.

MATTHEW:  Three.

LIZA:  Again.

MATTHEW:  Eight.

LIZA:  One more—

MATTHEW:  Why are you picturing a dinosaur?  What do dinosaurs have to do with this?

LIZA:  My grandson likes dinosaurs.

MATTHEW:  Mine likes taxidermy.  Weird kid.

LIZA:  And you’ve had this ability your whole life?

MATTHEW:  Yup.  Well—for as long as I can remember.

LIZA:  And uh, uh…you’ve had this ability your whole life?

MATTHEW:  Are you all right?

LIZA:  I’m—I’m fine, just—uh…

MATTHEW:  You’d like me out of your mind.

LIZA:  Yes.

MATTHEW:  Okay.

LIZA:  I feel somewhat violated.

MATTHEW:  I apologize.

LIZA:  It’s fine.  You had to do it to, you know, prove, uh—

MATTHEW:  So do they know?

LIZA:  Who?

MATTHEW:  Your job.  Do they know?

LIZA:  Know about what?

MATTHEW:  Your condition.

LIZA:  We’re not here to talk about me, Mr.—Mr.—

MATTHEW:  It’s right in front of you.

LIZA:  I know that.

MATTHEW:  Are you having trouble reading?

LIZA:  My eyes aren’t what they used to be.  I’m sure you can sympathize.

MATTHEW:  Nah, my eyes are great.  I can’t hear for shit though.

LIZA:  What?

MATTHEW:  What?

LIZA:  What did you—

MATTHEW:  The longer you go without telling your boss, the worse it’s going to be when they find out.

LIZA:  Please stop.

MATTHEW:  I’m just offering some advice.  I’m not sure how else my skills are going to come in handy.

LIZA:  We’ll figure that out.

MATTHEW:  You’re not the only one, you know.

LIZA:  What do you mean?

MATTHEW:  I mean, you’re not the only one with your condition.

LIZA:  Will you please stop calling it a condition?

MATTHEW:  You are young though.

LIZA:  It’s early onset—and I’m not that young.

MATTHEW:  I’m very sorry.

LIZA:  You’re sorry I’m not young?

MATTHEW:  No, I’m—

LIZA:  I know, I know.

            (A beat.)

MATTHEW:  You know, it’s funny, I can look into other people’s minds, but I can’t look into my own.  Yesterday my landlord stopped by to give me some tomatoes and I reminded her to pick up her dry-cleaning, but then I realized I hadn’t put on any clothes.  It was three o’clock in the afternoon.  What the hell had I been doing all day?

LIZA:  You mentioned tomatoes.  I went to make my mother’s tomato sauce last night.  I used to be able to make it in my sleep.  Now I can’t—

MATTHEW:  You forgot the secret ingredient.

LIZA:  No.  Did I?

MATTHEW:  Yup.  I would tell you what it was, but even in your mind, it’s just called ‘the secret ingredient.’

LIZA:  But if I forgot it, how do you know about it?

MATTHEW:  It’s still in your mind, Liza.  Can I call you Liza?

LIZA:  Sure.

MATTHEW:  It’s still in there.  You just don’t necessarily have access to it.

LIZA:  That doesn’t make me feel any better.

MATTHEW:  Really?  It’s a huge comfort to me.

LIZA:  How so?

MATTHEW:  When you can’t remember things, you feel like you’ve lost them.  It’s nice to know they’re not lost.  They’re just slightly out of reach.

LIZA:  That just feels frustrating.  I feel…frustrated.

MATTHEW:  My mother used to say if something’s on the top shelf, it’s probably because you don’t use it that much.  Make your mom’s sauce more.

LIZA:  You think that’ll help me remember how to make it?

MATTHEW:  No, but one day you might not be able to make it anymore.  Don’t let forgetting one ingredient scare you away.  One day you might forget a lot more than that.

LIZA:  I don’t know if you can help us.  With what we’re trying to do here.

MATTHEW:  I figured that.  But I also figured I should at least try.  This little parlor trick I do has been on the top shelf for awhile.  I just wanted to bring it down to eye level and see what would happen.

LIZA:  You won’t tell anyone about me, will you?

MATTHEW:  Tell anyone what?

LIZA:  Thank you.

MATTHEW:  You’re welcome.  By the way, I wouldn’t mind trying that sauce.

            (He smiles.  She smiles.  Lights.)

We Might Be Heroes: The Choice

(CATHERINE sits on a train with LIV and ASHLEY.  LIV is the older of two sisters, CATHERINE is their grandmother.)

ASHLEY:  Mom seemed upset.

LIV:  We’re not talking about it.

CATHERINE:  We can talk about it.

LIV:  I don’t want to talk about it.

CATHERINE:  Well, maybe Ashley wants to talk about it.

ASHLEY:  I’d rather not.

CATHERINE:  Well.  Then we won’t.

            (A beat.)

Your mother was upset because you’re her children and she doesn’t want to turn you over to the government.  It’s a reasonable concern.

LIV:  Is that what’s going on?

CATHERINE:  No.  Well—no.  We’re going to see my friend, who…will do a test…on the two of you.

ASHLEY:  Will the test hurt?

CATHERINE:  I don’t know.

LIV:  Nana, you’re supposed to say—No, it’s not going to hurt.

CATHERINE:  But I don’t know that.  I know it won’t kill you, that would defeat the purpose of the test, but I can’t say that it won’t hurt.  That would be lying.  I’m not lying to you.  That’s the whole point of this trip.  That’s why we’re on this train.

ASHLEY:  To go take a test.

CATHERINE:  You don’t have to take the test.  They test you.  To find out if you’re…special.

ASHLEY:  You mean like you?

CATHERINE:  Yes.

LIV:  If you’re special, doesn’t that automatically make us special?

CATHERINE:  Well, you’re my granddaughters, so I think you’re special no matter what.

ASHLEY:  But do we have special powers?

CATHERINE:  That’s what the test will determine.

LIV:  Mom doesn’t have any special powers.

CATHERINE:  My mother didn’t either.  But my grandmother did.  It’s possible it skips a generation.  Or, one of you might have special abilities and other one might not.

ASHLEY:  I hope it’s me.

LIV:  No, you don’t.  If it’s you, you have to go fight the aliens.

ASHLEY:  Maybe I want to fight the aliens.

CATHERINE:  Nobody has to do anything—even if it does turn out one of you is…like me.

LIV:  But they want everyone who has special powers to be, like, an army, right?

CATHERINE:  But it’s up to you.  It’s your choice.

ASHLEY:  Shouldn’t it be Mom’s choice?

CATHERINE:  It should be, but…sometimes we have to grow up a little bit faster than we’d like.  Faster than the people we love would like us to, but…this is one of those times.

ASHLEY:  How did you know you were special?

CATHERINE:  One day I woke up, and my bed was two feet off the floor.  I realized after that I could move things, just by thinking about them.  I was just about your age, Liv, but it’s possible I’d had my ability for awhile and I just didn’t know it.  There were no tests back then.

LIV:  Were you nervous?  When you found out?

CATHERINE:  Oh God, I was terrified.  I told my mother about it, and she told me never to say a word about it to anyone.  Not even when I got married.  So I didn’t.  Your mom didn’t even know until about a week ago, when I told her I had to take you girls into the city.

ASHLEY:  But didn’t you ever want to do anything?

CATHERINE:  Like what?

ASHLEY:  Help people.

LIV:  How was she going to help people by moving a bed?

ASHLEY:  She could move other stuff too, right?

CATHERINE:  You’re right.  And yes, I could have helped people, I guess.  But I did what my mother told me.  I didn’t know I had a choice in the matter.  Now I do, and…I’m ready.

LIV:  Ready to what?

CATHERINE:  Help.

LIV:  Are you serious?

ASHLEY:  That’s awesome.

LIV:  No, it’s not!  She can’t help now.

CATHERINE:  Why not?  I may be your grandmother, but my mind is still sharp.  The other day, when nobody was looking, I lifted a parked car eight feet into the air.  Then I got nervous and dropped it.  Luckily it belonged to your father.

ASHLEY:  We thought a bear attacked it.

CATHERINE:  I can still be useful.  And I want to be.

LIV:  But you could get hurt.

CATHERINE:  Honey, I could get hurt ice-skating.  Life can always be scary, but it’s up to you whether or not you let it scare you.

ASHLEY:  If I can’t fight, would that make me a coward?

CATHERINE:  No.  Not at all.

LIV:  But it sounds like you regret not doing more with your powers.

CATHERINE:  I don’t regret anything.  I’ve had a great life with you, and your mom, and your grandfather, and a lot of other people that I wouldn’t have met if I decided to run off and become Wonder Woman.  It might look boring on the outside, but…I’ve had a lot of fun.  I just wish…I wish it had been my choice.  Back then.  When I made the bed come off the ground.  I wish somebody had said to me, You know, it can be this, or it can be that.

ASHLEY:  Would you still have chosen us?

LIV:  How could she choose us if we weren’t even alive yet?

CATHERINE:  I would have chosen the possibility of you.  I would have chosen that every time.  But I want you to have the choice I didn’t.  I want you to have the possibility of grandkids, and the possibility of fighting aliens and scaling mountains and deep-sea diving and everything else.  I want you to have every possibility and then I want you to choose the one you like best, and I don’t ever want anybody to tell you that life can only be one way, because that’s not true.

ASHLEY:  Nana?

CATHERINE:  Yes?

ASHLEY:  Did you ever make anything else move?  I mean, besides your bed?

CATHERINE:  A few things over the years.

LIV:  Like what?

CATHERINE:  Well, there was this teacher in high school who was very mean to me.  He taught Chemistry and he used to say girls couldn’t’ do Science.  He had a very bad toupee, and one day, I’d had enough, so I made it float above his head while he was writing notes down on the blackboard.

ASHLEY:  What else?

CATHERINE:  The car—

LIV:  Anything else?

CATHERINE:  Yes.  When you were first born, Liv, I used to babysit you, and whenever you’d start to cry, I’d lift you up out of your crib using only my  mind, and you’d laugh and laugh.  You’d clap your hands together like it was magic.

LIV:  It was—wasn’t it?

CATHERINE:  To you, it probably was.

LIV:  Were you scared you’d drop me?

CATHERINE:  I knew I wouldn’t, or I wouldn’t have done it in the first place.  I trusted myself, and you trusted me—whether you knew it or not.  That’s why you laughed.  It was our first little secret.

ASHLEY:  What about with me?

CATHERINE:  With you, I used to do the airplane trick with the spoon only I’d turn the spoon into a real airplane.  I could fly it all around the room and then right into your mouth.  You loved that.

ASHLEY:  I wish I could remember that.

CATHERINE:  I always felt sad when I realized you were both old enough to realize what I was doing and I had to stop.  It felt like I was hiding a part of who I was from you two, and I didn’t want to do that.  Telling you about it a few days ago was like—it felt like a weight was lifted off me.  It felt heavier than that car the whole time I was keeping my secret, and now I feel like I can do anything—even fight aliens.

LIV:  I’m sorry you had to hide all those years.

CATHERINE:  The point is, you never have to hide.  That’s what counts.

ASHLEY:  Nana?

CATHERINE:  Yes?

ASHLEY:  You’re going to be an awesome superhero.

LIZ:  Don’t be crazy.

(A beat.)

She already is.

            (CATHERINE smiles at the girls.  Lights.)

We Might Be Heroes: The Bench

               (CASSIE is sitting in a room.  DAVID enters.)

DAVID:  Jesus Christ, Stevens.

CASSIE:  You’re not taking me out now.  I have been prepping for this—

DAVID:  You know what this is about.

CASSIE:  We are looking at a possible planetary assault, and you want to bench me now?

DAVID:  I have no choice.  You can’t be in the field.

CASSIE:  This is bullshit.

DAVID:  Do you plan on doing anything about--?

                (A beat.)

CASSIE:  Are you kidding me?

DAVID:  Lower your voice.

CASSIE:  Are you KIDDING me?

DAVID:  I said ‘Lower your voice,’ Agent Stevens.

CASSIE:  You would never ask a man that.

DAVID:  I wouldn’t have to ask a man that.  I don’t know if you heard, but men can’t get pregnant.

CASSIE:  Exactly.  So the boys all get to fight, and I have to stay home knitting socks.

DAVID:  Do you think I like putting you on the No-Go list?  You’re one of the only Level Four’s we have that’s properly trained.  If those aliens start firing on us tomorrow, you’d be one of the few people in this department who actually knows their ass from their elbow.

CASSIE:  Then just let me do my job.

DAVID:  And if you’re injured out there—

CASSIE:  What?  Are you afraid I’m going to sue you?

DAVID:  Possibly.

CASSIE:  We’re facing extinction, and you’re worried about a lawsuit?

DAVID:  Stevens—

CASSIE:  David, I can fly.  Now, look, I know you have a few people with invisibility, and that kid who can shoot fire out of his eyes, but I am the only one who can fly, and you have no chance of winning this war without me.

DAVID:  Okay, yes, flight is very valuable to us, but you can’t exactly fly off into the galaxy and start punching aliens in the face.

CASSIE:  David—

DAVID:  Agent Stevens, please address me as Commander Mitchell.

CASSIE:  Seriously?

DAVID:  Agent—

CASSIE:  I can fly.

DAVID:  And we’re not even sure that’s useful.

CASSIE:  How could it not be useful?

DAVID:  We have planes that can fly.

CASSIE:  Yes, big planes, that can get shot down.

DAVID:  You don’t think you can get shot down?

CASSIE:  You’ve trained me in maneuvering.  You—personally—have trained me in that.

DAVID:  I trained you in a simulator.  Not out in the field.

CASSIE:  If they attack us, I’m going out there.  You can’t stop me.

DAVID:  Excuse me?

CASSIE:  What?  Are you going to shoot me down?

DAVID:  The Russians don’t even know we have you.  You can’t make yourself known that way.  You can’t just go rogue.

CASSIE:  Then back me up.

DAVID:  You’re willing to risk the life of your child just so you can be a badass?

CASSIE:  Whoa, you are way out of line.

DAVID:  Well, isn’t that what you’re doing?

CASSIE:  I’m doing what I was trained to do.  I don’t want to endanger this baby, but unfortunately, it decided to show up the same time the aliens did, and I can’t exactly put it in a crib somewhere and come back to it later.

DAVID:  Then you need to sit this out.

CASSIE:  And watch a bunch of men get their asses handed to them?  This baby has a better shot of survival in my body than it does anywhere else in the world if the only thing standing between the survival of mankind and obliteration is a bunch of assholes with army tanks.

DAVID:  Okay, that’s it.  I’m writing you up.

CASSIE:  Fine.  Write me up.  But then I’m putting on my suit and I’m going out there.

DAVID:  That suit is the property of the U.S. government.

CASSIE:  Then I’ll wear what I have on now.  Or I’ll fly around naked.  That should really shake up the Russians.

DAVID:  Agent Stevens—

CASSIE:  Maybe that can be my superhero name—Lady Godiva.

DAVID:  Agent Stevens, you don’t understand.  This isn’t up to me anymore.  Once I tell them you’re pregnant—

CASSIE:  So don’t tell them.

DAVID:  I have to.

CASSIE:  You know, I don’t believe you.

DAVID:  You know I have to.

CASSIE:  No, I’m sorry, what I mean is, I believe that you’ll tell them, what I don’t believe is that they give a shit.

DAVID:  What?

CASSIE:  As if the government doesn’t understand the concept of the Greater Good.

DAVID:  I—

CASSIE:  I seriously doubt they care about one fetus over the lives of billions of people.  Then again, it is a Republican-led Congress so—

DAVID:  If we win the war, but you die, we will have sentenced a pregnant woman to death.

CASSIE:  Stop being so dramatic.

DAVID:  I’m not.  Do you know what the plan is for you?

                (A beat.)

CASSIE:  There’s a plan?

DAVID:  Ironically, it’s called Operation Night Mother.

CASSIE:  Why?

DAVID:  Because they want to strap a bomb to you and fly you into the enemy mothership.

                (A beat.)

CASSIE:  What?

DAVID:  How else would you being able to fly help us?  You can’t shoot fire from your eyes.  Once you’re airborne, you’re just a really small plane, which, does come in handy in terms of getting you close to the mothership without being detected or shot down, but once you’re there, then what?  Did you think you were going to board the ship and take prisoners?  We haven’t given you any hand-to-hand combat training.  We haven’t even showed you how to use a gun.  And that’s assuming you can even get on the ship in the first place.  No, our only option with you is to—

CASSIE:  Use me as a Trojan Horse.

                (A beat.)

DAVID:  You still want it?

CASSIE:  All this time…You’ve been training me to be a glorified stealth missile.

DAVID:  Hey, those missiles cost a fortune.

CASSIE:  You think this is funny?

DAVID:  Stevens—

CASSIE:  I’m a superhero and you’re sending me on a death mission!

DAVID:  Stevens, if Superman walked into this office right now, I’d strap a bomb to him too.  There’s no room for sentimentality here.  We have one shot to win this, we think, and we’re going to take it.  Unless you’d rather sit out, in which case—

CASSIE:  I’ll do it.

                (A beat.)

DAVID:  What?

CASSIE:  If that’s what I have to do, I’ll do it.

DAVID:  But your—

CASSIE:  Greater Good, Commander Mitchell.  If the higher-ups don’t want me fighting, I’ll tell them I’m terminating the pregnancy, and then I’ll strap the bomb on myself.  Or they can just let go as is.  Who knows?  Maybe I’m invincible.

DAVID:  You’re not.  We shot you, remember?  To see if you were?  You bled, Cassie.

                (A beat.)

CASSIE:  This is happening.

DAVID:  I can stop you.

CASSIE:  It’s not yours.

                (A beat.)

DAVID:  I didn’t—

CASSIE:  You did.  And that’s okay.  But it’s not yours, and I’m not just saying that so you’ll let me fight.  It’s the truth.

                (A beat.)

DAVID:  They’ll fit you for the bomb in Warehouse 3.  You can go there any time after four o’clock.

CASSIE:  Thank you.

DAVID:  What are you thanking me for?  Signing off on your death warrant?

CASSIE:  For not getting in my way.

DAVID:  Just get the job done, Stevens.

CASSIE:  Yes, sir.

                (She exits.  Lights.)