Don't Blame Me for All Your Crazy

Don't blame me for all your crazy
I didn't crush up eight unicorns
And pour them into your brain

I didn't whisper in your ear
While you were sleeping
Telling you that little dogs
Were hopping around in the closet

I didn't make you see things
I didn't make you angry for no reason
I didn't smear tomato paste on the kitchen counter
And call it decoupage

So don't be blaming me
For all your crazy

You came with it
Like a Barbie comes with a clutch
And yes, I should have sent you back to the toy store
But I just loved how shiny your hair was

Now I know that the shiny
Is the crazy
Dripping out of the follicles

Don't tell me you were fiiiiiiine
When you met me
Because I didn't drop you into crazy

It's not something you get locked into
Like a straight jacket
Although I think that might be a fashion choice
You should heavily consider

You need to buy a mirror
Look at it
Look in it
Look and look and look

Because that crazy?

That's your crazy
You did that all on your own

You should give yourself a gold star
Because you are gold star crazy

You're the best crazy I've ever seen

But don't say it's me
Don't blame it on me

That crazy is all yours, baby
All of it
Yours