I Can Give You Anything But Rent

I can sit here on a Saturday night

And wait for you

To get home

So you can tell me

All about Greg

And how great Greg is

And how much fun you had with Greg

And I can give you

Precious hours

Of my dwindling life

On the peak hours

Of what is supposed to be

A youthful weekend

I can do that

And I can do more

And I can give you anything
But rent

Because the job search

Is mired in inadequacy

And insecurity

I’m not qualified

For anything

I want

And I don’t want

Anything

I’m qualified for

Which

If you think about

Sums up every aspect of my life

My brother won’t return my calls

About my nephew’s birthday party

Which is leading me to believe

That, you know, maybe I’m not, uh--

Uh

--Actually invited to the fucking birthday party

Probably because

I made it clear

That I can’t afford to give presents this year

But, you know, it doesn’t seem like that should be--

If you’re going to eat what’s in the fridge

Can you replace it

So I don’t starve to death?

Thanks

You have money

I don’t
But I buy all the food

And then you ask about rent

So, like, this is me saying

Can you replace the food, orrrr--

Don’t

But in that case

I’m not giving you rent

And

Honestly

I can’t give you rent anyway

So I guess, you know, enjoy the pasta salad

On the second row

But leave me the beer

Because if I can’t be drunk

I might as well be dead

I know the beer is yours

But I already had some

And I can’t afford to replace it

But I’ll drive a hammer

Into your skull later if you want

Because I know you’re depressed

And you’re sick of adjusting the meds

So if you just want me to end it all for you

I can do that

I’ve always thought that I didn’t have the courage for suicide

But homicide always seemed like an eventuality for me

I’ll let you talk about Greg

And how you’re going to get married

And how when you do

You’re going to buy a house

Which means you’ll move out

Which means I’ll have to move out

Because I can’t get another roommate

Because change terrifies me

So I’ll regress

I’ll move back in with my aunt

Because my mother can go fuck herself

And I’ll take that job at the doll marketing firm

Which, yes, is a fucking thing

And my cousin runs it

And he hates me

Because I don’t have a lazy fucking eye like he does

And I fucked him girlfriend once

And he’s never gotten over it

But

But

But

I can’t give you rent

Not this month

Not next month

Not the month after that

But you can’t kick me out

Because I need to be here

Because I am implanted here

I am present here

I am on this couch

And and and

Sometimes I’m in my bed

But that’s it

Even the shower depresses me

The kitchen sink depresses me

The depressing little mat in the hallway

In front of the neighbor’s door

That says ‘Have a great day’

Makes me want to slit my fucking throat

So…

You have to leave me here

You have to leave me here

And go out

And have fun

And do things

And then come home

And tell me

If you can handle rent

Because I can’t handle it

I can’t

And I can’t anymore

And I

And I

And I…

I can’t handle anything

Anymore