You're Not Going to Work

You’re not going to work

Let’s just—okay, let’s just
We’re gonna need a minute here

I guess

Because you

Seem to have forgotten

The deal

I work

Okay

I—work

Youuuuuu

Stand around and look cute

And drink your drink

And try to keep your angry rumblings

To a dull roar

While I work whatever room

We’re in

And make sure the mortgage gets paid

On this fucking townhouse

You made me buy

You
Do

Not

Work

What you have going for you

Is that you still look good

What I have going for me

Are all those zeroes

Next to my name

Now, you can pick up a side job

If you want to

But I know exactly

What you’re doing, pal

I am crystal fucking clear on it

You’re trying to, to, to—what?

Find some self-worth?

Find your identity?

Newsflash, buddy

You left your identity

Back in college

With your balls
And my metabolism

We—We, you and I—have settled

Into a lovely groove

Where you can do whatever the fuck you want

While I bust my ass

Including fucking all our friends

And all I ask in return

Is that you stand by my side

And not in my way

It’s a pretty damn good deal

One I’m sure many men
Half your age

Would fall over themselves
To have

So this whole—

‘I want to work’ thing is just—

I mean, Jesus

You’re one of, like, three guys in this city

Who actually

Wants

To work

You want to work at something?

Here’s what you can work at

Work at going to the gym a few more times a week

Until that blossoming gut of yours gets put on notice

Work at reading a book

Or watching something

Other than mindless television

Or appearing interested

In anything that goes on

In my fucking life

Work at keeping yourself desirable

So I don’t have to jerk off every single night

Like I’m a fucking fifteen-year-old

Because I can’t get it up

When you walk around in ratty gym clothes
Looking like you could puke at any moment

Because you’re constantly hung-over from the—

Are you even listening?

Are you even fucking listening to me?

We have the rules pretty set, don’t we?
I mean, they are pretty fucking clear

You get everything I have

Everything I can give you

And you get it forever

Because at this point
We are stuck with each other
Are we not?

So the world is your fucking oyster

And all you have to do in return
Is not try to one up me

Don’t try getting ahead of me

Don’t try getting the best of me

Don’t try doing your own thing

I gave up everything for you

Didn’t I?
--Didn’t I?
And how many times?

So you could chase after

Whatever your passion of the moment was

And none of them worked did they?
Not one thing you ever wanted

Was ever even close to being in your grasp

Now it’s my turn

And I’m doing it
And it’s working
I’m working

And you need to learn how to live with that

Or go live with someone else

But that’s how it is

And that’s how it’s gonna be

That’s how this

Works