Holly in the Principal's Office

Good morning, Mr. Tremell
Or should I call you Nick?

You're looking quite handsome today
Like a cross between my husband, Kevin Jonas
And Anderson Cooper, my favorite gay CNN anchor

Now look
We both know why I'm here

Mrs. Brugel thinks I should repeat third grade
Because I haven't...exactly...done any...work...this year

But I guess my question is--

What is 'work?'

What does it mean 'to work?'

Because if working means surviving the daily social warfare
That is the third grade
The believe me, Mr. Tremell
I've been working this little derriere
Like a hooker in Hoboken

That's a little colloquialism I picked up
From watching 'The Real Housewives of New Jersey'

A simile, if you will

See? I'm educated

I'm selectively educated

Because let's face it, Mr. Tremell
I'm not going to be doing much with fractions in my life

Did Eva Peron use fractions?
Did Imelda Marcos?
Did Leona Helmsly?

You ask me to pick role models
And then you force me to learn things
That will not help me emulate them at all!

What about lessons in things
That will actually prepare me
For the life I expect to have

Like--

'How to Hire the Right Help'

or

'What to Do When Your Help Steals from You'

or

'Tax Evasion, and Other Victimless Crimes'

In summation, Mr. Tremell
I not only feel that I should pass third grade
But I have a strong conviction
That I should be moved up two grades
So that I may get to junior high faster
Where there are school dances
And lockers to shove people in

. . . . .

Uh huh

...I see...

Well then, perhaps it wasn't a good idea
For me to come into your office like this...

...Alone...

...A young, innocent girl...

...Unwise to the ways of a silver fox who might be yearning for a more, shall we say, untouched complexion?

Mmhmm

That's what I thought

Boy, Mr. Tremell
I sure hope the principal at Hoover Junior High
Is as sweet as you are