Brooke, Holding John

Her mother leaves the room
So she can be alone with him

Little John

That's what she names him in her head
But who knows what name he'll have now

Maybe he'll be named Isaac now

Now that she's giving him away

The couple that's adopting him
Is from Arapapho
Which is so far away
From where Brooke lives
There's absolutely no chance
She'll run into them or John or Isaac
Unless they want her to

Her mother told her she was lucky
Because she gave birth in June

Plenty of time to recover
And be back at school in September
Nobody thinking anything of it

She was forbidden to say anything at school
Forced instead to hide behind over-sized clothing
And tell everyone she had a thyroid problem

As for Jay, Uncle Chris and Aunt T were 'dealing' with him

That's what her mom said

'He's being dealt with'

Brooke asked if he was going to go to jail
And her Mom said 'No'

'Jesus, Brooke, you don't have to be a drama queen about it.'
'I want him arrested.'
'No, you don't. And he wouldn't be arrested anyway. It'd be his word against yours, and anyway, it's a family matter.'
'He's not my family. He's a pig.'
'Yeah, well, don't throw stones, honey. You got enough too-short shorts in your closet now, don't you?'

It was no use

At least they were letting her give up John
Instead of keeping him, like she wanted to do
When she first found out

She thought maybe he was the reason
The whole thing happened

So many people she knew
Said they were glad they got married
Or had sex or whatever
Because they got their kid out of it

Brooke thought that's how it was going to be
For her and John

But then her mother told her
That if she kept him
Jay was going to want to see him
So Brooke said she'd let him go

She wasn't involved too much
In meeting the couple

They wanted her to be
But she said they could deal with her mom

Her mom was better
At handling stuff like that

All throughout the school yeah
Everybody wanted to know
Why Brooke was being so quiet
When the year before she'd been so light

Brooke wondered too

She used to have dreams about flying
Hovering, just staying above the ground
Forever and ever

Now she only dreamed of falling
Deeper and deeper
Until she hit the bed

. . . . .

The first time she saw John
She thought it was a mistake

He couldn't really be hers
He was too perfect

A beautiful mixture
Of new and wise

When they let her hold him
She could feel him gel to her
Try to morph himself
Back into her body

And she forced herself to stop him
To keep him warm but keep him apart
Until she could give him to his real mom

When a baby's born
There's all this noise
And then there's not

Brooke looked around
And didn't see anybody
Except her mom

And when she left the room
Brooke held John and told him twenty secrets

Everything he'd need to know
For the rest of his life

She told him when he stopped remembering the last secret
She'd find him and remind him
All of what they were

She knew he couldn't see her
So she told him what she looked like
And she described the woman
She'd be giving him to

Long brown hair, straight nose
Pretty red fingernails
And a warm smile

He reminded her of a new light bulb
The first time you put it in
And turn it on

It was really something

. . . . .

Outside, her mother told the new parents
She'd have the doctor
Get the baby from Brooke
In a minute or two

Then she walked back to window
And looked at her daughter
Holding her grandson

She wanted to light up a cigarette
And say a prayer

But instead she just watched her daughter
Stare down at that little boy
Like he was going to do magic

What was magic was watching Brooke
Be a better mother in five minutes
Then her mother had been to her
In her entire life

Faced with the magnitude of what her daughter
Was about to do for her son
Brooke's mother turned around
And sat down underneath the window
Letting some invisible force punch her in the stomach
Over and over again
Whipping air out of her lungs

And inside Brooke held John
And said good-bye
And said good-bye
And said good-bye