The Caretaker

I went to visit my son
To check out this
Acting company
That my husband and I were bankrolling

Beau, my son, the fancy Artistic Director
Was lucky enough to have been born into money
But if you listened to him
And believed him
Well, if you listened to him and believed him
Then you were a fool
Because the boy was a compulsive liar
But aside from that
If you listened to him
He'd tell you
That he was anti-establishment
Anti-government, anti-rich
Anti-this, anti-that

What he wouldn't tell you
Is that his parents
His Republican parents
Paid all his living costs
While he was starting up
His little theater

And when he got married
And a child
We supported them as well

Now, it's one thing to take money from your parents
Even after the age of eighteen
Because parents are parents
And they support their children

If they're good parents they do anyway

But when you marry a woman
And bring a child into this world
And not, by the way, in that order
If I recall

Then it's time to start acting like an adult
Instead of continuing to shamelessly milk your parents
For all their hard-earned money
Rather than give up your little pipe dream
And do something productive

Now, I realize that him not giving up that dream
Meant the founding of one of the country's most respected theaters
But at the time, I just thought
This is ludicrous
He's living off his parents
So he can play dress-up

And I went to see him
And to shut the place down

My other son
Had already been sent ahead by me
Because he was...

Well, he was different
He...dabbled in things
I didn't agree with
So I sent him to Beau
Hoping his older brother would straighten him out
And instead, he fell in with one of the gentlemen in the acting company
And the two of them disappeared together

By the time I got there
I was convinced
The entire town
Was a portal to hell

On top of everything else
My husband was very sick

He'd slipped and hit his head
While working out in the yard
And one thing led to another
And...

He was in a coma

I called Beau
I told him what happened
And he said--

'Mom, I can't come see him.  I have to open a show.'

I'll never...

This was his father

His father

So

I made arrangements for someone
To take care of my husband
And I went to see my son
And to put an end
To his little play group

I arrived in town later than I expected
The weather was bad
This was February
And I got to the school
Where the group was performing the show
Right as the curtain was going up

So I thought--

Well, I'll stay for the show
And then afterwards I'll take Beau aside
And tell him it's all over

That I wasn't going to be writing checks for him
Anymore

The show was The Caretaker by Harold Pinter

I wasn't an imbecile
I'd heard of Pinter
But I'd never actually seen his work
I wasn't much for theater

When Beau and his brother would perform in plays at school
I'd go see them
But you're talking about Peter Pan and maybe, MAYBE, Shakespeare
But not anything like this

The play, it...

Struck me

Impacted, I guess
Would be the right word

I can't exactly say what it was
But it...unsettled me

I didn't stay and talk to Beau
As I had planned on doing

Instead, I found a bar
A nice bar, not a dive
But still, a bar
In one of the nicer hotels in town

And I pulled out a cigarette--

This was 1965, don't forget
I've been dead for awhile now

And this man
This man at the bar
Lit it for me

He was just...there

Like a...

Like he just appeared

And he was my age
Maybe a little younger
And handsome
Very handsome

And we started talking
The weather was still bad
Snow started coming down
And he asked where I was staying
And I said I hadn't thought about it
And...

He offered to get us a room

And...I said all right

It wasn't something I'd normally do
I would have--

I wouldn't have even considered it
Before that night
But that play

It just...

I felt different
Like a different person

I went up to the room
With that gentleman
And we...

And then the next day I went home
And Beau never even knew I was there

I kept cutting him checks
Until he didn't need them anymore
Which took some time
But not as long as I would have thought

Oh, and, uh...

Two days after I got back
My husband passed away

Suffocated
In his sleep

'These things happen'
That's what the doctor said

I wonder if he knew...

I had a very good life after that
After I murdered my husband

Oh, it's a sharp word
I know
Sharp like a knife

So was that play
That production
So sharp

It cut me
It really did

And then it put something in me
That I never quite got out

I started living
Really living

Isn't that marvelous?

That must be what people mean
When they talk about art
When they talk about the power of art

It transformed me

I don't have any stories
About the actors
Or the backstage drama
Or anything really

I'm speaking almost purely
As an audience member

But I still felt compelled
I still felt compelled to tell you all this
Because, you see, I've never told anyone

Even dead people have trouble
Carrying secrets, you know

So thank you

For letting me unburden myself

Oh, and enjoy the rest of the show

Who knows?

You may not walk out of here
The same way you walked in