Don Juan in Hell

The whole thing happened
Because Beau wouldn't let me in the door

I mean, wouldn't let me in the fucking door
No matter how hard I tried

I don't know why
Who knows

Maybe he was scared of letting people in the company
With actual talent

Because that hack group he had back then
They were--

Let's just say it took 'em ten shows
To get anybody to give 'em money
To go get an actual space

They were into their third season
Before they got the building down on James Street
And then Beau's attitude got even worse

Suddenly he was a fucking bigshot
Because he wasn't performing in parking lots anymore

So I'd go to the theater
And I'd walk into his office
Walk right in
I don't give a shit
Never did
Now that I'm dead it's even worse

And I tell him my story

I was an actor in L.A.
Got into some trouble there
And had to move to this little shithole town
Because this is where my family home was
And fuck me if I had the money
To buy a place of my own anywhere decent
But I still wanted to do some acting
And he could audition me and everything
I didn't want to be treated special

And he'd yup yup yup me
And then send me out the door
Ripping up my fuckin' headshot
Before I was back on the street

That fucker had no class
Let me tell you

So I start drinking

Shocker, right?

And one night it's cold out
Started to snow
And I'm in this hotel bar
And this woman comes in
Has a few drinks
And tells the bartender
She's in town
To see her son's play

So that perks up my ears
Because we didn't have a lot of theater back then

She pulls out a cigarette
I light it

She's not bad looking
But she's no oil painting either

But I'm curious, you know?

So I ask her who her son is
And she tells me

Turns out I'm talking to Beau's mother

And I think to myself

Well fuck me, what do you know?

And she's giving me the eyes

You know what I'm talking about
The eyes

And, like I said
She's no Mona Lisa
But I'm feeling kinda...

Well, kinda vindictive

So I figure--Why not?

We get a room
And we, uh...

We have some fun

And when it's all done
I put on a little show for her
Because I'm thinking to myself

This bitch has money

And money back then wasn't just tight
It was non-existent

I was living on bread and tap water
And that wasn't my kinda livin'
If you get what I'm sayin'

So she pats my head
And kisses my cheek
And says 'It's okay, it's okay'
And the next thing I know
I got a check in my hand
For a whole lot of money
And the line at the bottom said--

'Services Rendered'

Ain't that somethin'?

I went right to Beau's office the next day
And told him the whole story

He had me laid out on the desk with my nose bleeding
In under a minute
Which I guess I should have expected
But then I showed him the check

He didn't even know his mother was in town

'Musta been one hell of a play you showed her,' I said

And that one got my lights knocked out

When I came to
His wife was sitting with me
In the rehearsal room

She asked me what I wanted
To keep this whole thing quiet

I told her--

I want to be part of the acting company

And wouldn't you know it
The very next show

I was

Of course, everybody in that fucking place
Treated me like a pariah

Because of what I'd done

Which is a joke

All the shit that was going on in that theater
The depraved, twisted, biblical fucking shit
And I'm the evil villain?

Yeah, I don't think so

I was with that company for a few seasons
Then, in the spring of '72
I'm upstairs in the dressing room after a show
By myself, because everybody else had taken off
And of course wherever they were going
I wasn't invite

And I put my head down
Just for a second
Before I had to head home

And the next thing I know--

Bam

One bullet

Right through the back of the head

Even now
Even dead
Even seemingly all-knowing
I don't know shit

I won't say I didn't make a few more enemies
While I was part of that company
But shooting an unarmed guy like that
Then cutting him all up
And tossing him
Piece by piece
Into several dumpsters across town is, uh--

Well there was an investigation
And there was questioning
And then there weren't shit

But everybody still talks about that murder
And who could have done it

Me?

I really couldn't give a shit

All I wanted to do was act

That's all I ever wanted to do