(A hospital. TRENTON and HOWARD sit in chairs in a waiting room. They're mid-conversation.)
TRENTON
TRENTON
--And you know, it really didn’t
bother me until I thought about the fact that he’s going to be the last person
to do it. He’s going to be the last
person to play Prince Hal. The last
one. I mean, I don’t know that for sure,
because, like, the world’s huge and I’m sure somewhere there could be somebody
else doing Henry IV, like in
London. I think they’re legally required
to always be doing Henry IV in
London. But at least around here, he’s
going to be the last person to play that role.
The last one that anybody remembers anyway.
HOWARD
Assuming people even go.
TRENTON
Why wouldn’t they go?
HOWARD
Maybe they think that with the
world ending they have better things to do than go watch a four hour play?
TRENTON
First of all, it’s going to be,
like, six hours. They’re doing the
unabridged version and unabridged means ‘clear your day and bring a cup you can
pee in because you aren’t going anywhere.’
And second of all, going to see a play is exactly what I’d want to do if
the world was ending. Theater is
soothing. Especially classical theater.
HOWARD
Okay, well—
TRENTON
But it doesn’t matter. I didn’t get the part. And at the time, I really didn’t care,
because, like I said, people do that play all the time. I could just wait and play it in a year when
somebody else does it, but now—
HOWARD
Last one.
TRENTON
The last one. The last time Henry IV will be performed in
the greater Providence area, and Prince Hal will be played by somebody who
belongs doing background work on How I
Met Your Mother.
HOWARD
You should have auditioned for it
two summers ago like you were—
TRENTON
I was working on
something else.
HOWARD
The—
TRENTON
Solo show, yeah. The
Louis Chronicles.
HOWARD
I’m sorry I didn’t see it.
TRENTON
It’s okay. Theater’s not your thing.
HOWARD
How did it go?
TRENTON
It was all right. It was just me talking for, like, an hour.
HOWARD
Only you?
TRENTON
Yeah, it was just a giant
monologue.
HOWARD
That must have been awkward.
TRENTON
People loved it.
HOWARD
If I want to watch somebody talk
to themselves, I’ll hang out in the cereal section of Stop ‘n Shop.
TRENTON
What’s in the cereal section?
HOWARD
That’s where the weirdoes all hang
out. It’s like a magnet for crazy
people. They stand in the middle of the
aisle and stare at the Frosted Flakes while they ask Janis Joplin if she wants
pork chops for dinner.
TRENTON
And that’s the reason I go to
Whole Foods.
HOWARD
You should have done the show two
summers ago.
TRENTON
Yeah, well…I thought I had more time.
HOWARD
I told Mom about the comet.
TRENTON
What do you mean you told her?
HOWARD
I told her about it. I thought she should know.
TRENTON
You know, I hope you don’t talk
like this to other people who aren’t aware our mother is in a coma, because I
feel like you’d be misleading them.
HOWARD
She can hear you when you talk.
TRENTON
Well, if that’s true, then I feel
bad for her, because we’re only here for an hour a day, and the rest of the
time, she’d have to listen to the Josh Groban music coming from the nurses’
station.
HOWARD
What would you think of, um…uh…
TRENTON
What?
HOWARD
Turning off the machines.
(Pause.)
TRENTON
Excuse me?
HOWARD
I mean, how much time is left,
right? They said the comet’s going to
hit around midnight so—
TRENTON
It might not.
HOWARD
Trenton—
TRENTON
It might not, Howard. It might not.
It might not hit until—
HOWARD
It’s going to hit us.
TRENTON
It could be Sunday.
HOWARD
Fine. It could be a Sunday. The point is, I think we need to consider
turning them off. If we wait too long,
the comet could hit and then there might not be any time.
TRENTON
I’m sorry, but where is all this
coming from?
HOWARD
Trenton, the only reason she’s
still hooked up to all that is because you didn’t want to accept—
TRENTON
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
HOWARD
--The possibility—
TRENTON
--I didn’t want to accept?
HOWARD
--That she—
TRENTON
--I didn’t?
HOWARD
--Isn’t going to wake up.
TRENTON
Wow.
HOWARD
But now, even if she were going to
wake up, she’s sure as hell not going to wake up in the next four hours, so
let’s…just unplug all that shit, you know?
Let her die with the rest of us.
With some dignity.
TRENTON
So the world is ending, Jesus
could be coming, we may end up being judged, and you think now is a good time
to murder our mother?
HOWARD
Are you really giving me the choose
life argument right now? You’re the
least religious person I know.
TRENTON
Yeah, well, the Apocalypse does
funny things to people. Anyway, screw
you. I’m not turning them off.
HOWARD
You’re so selfish.
TRENTON
How am I selfish?
HOWARD
Really?
TRENTON
Okay, I’m selfish, but how am I
selfish in this particular situation?
HOWARD
She’s suffering.
TRENTON
You
don’t know that.
HOWARD
Trent—
TRENTON
How could you know that? Did she whisper that in your ear during one
of your many conversations?
HOWARD
Oh, knock it off.
TRENTON
Hey Mom, there’s a comet coming and the world’s going to end./ Oh,
that’s too bad, honey, maybe now would be a good time to pull the plug. Have you ever been in a coma? Do you know for sure that it’s awful? It could be great. She could be having the time of her
life. And when you consider that the
alternative is her suffocating—
HOWARD
I’m going to do it with or without
you.
TRENTON
Like hell you are. You need my permission.
HOWARD
Legally yes. But considering that the world of man is
rapidly coming to a close I’m guessing man’s law is going with it.
TRENTON
What are you just going to yank
the cord out of the wall?
HOWARD
I’ll do whatever I have to do.
TRENTON
I’ll call security.
HOWARD
Go for it. They’re going home in an hour. Everybody’s going home. Any of the patients that are coherent are
getting taken back to wherever they live to die in peace and the rest—
TRENTON
And the rest?
HOWARD
They’re just going to leave them.
TRENTON
That’s awful. That’s inhumane.
HOWARD
What do you want them to do,
Trent? Throw a party in the ICU with
cake and streamers?
TRENTON
The doctors, the nurses—
HOWARD
You think anybody wants to spend
their last few hours here? Honestly?
TRENTON
So what…?
HOWARD
I’m going to…you know, and then when
it’s all over, I’m going to put her in a car, and take her to the beach.
TRENTON
You’re going to take our mother’s
lifeless corpse to the beach? For
what? Doughboys and clamcakes?
HOWARD
Don’t be crude.
TRENTON
That’s disgusting.
HOWARD
It’s what she would want.
TRENTON
It’s morbid, and she hated the
beach. Shows how much you know. You love the beach. She loves the mall.
HOWARD
Okay, fine, she loves the mall,
but I can’t just drag her into Lord and Taylor, now can I?
TRENTON
This is—
HOWARD
Trent, this is happening,
okay? It’s happening, for real. I know that it sucks for you because—Because you
always count on there being more time.
More time to play a role. More
time to move to New York or L.A. or wherever.
More time to get off your ass and actually do something with yourself,
and more time for Mom to wake up, but guess what? There’s no more time. And honestly, you weren’t promised anymore anyway. Nobody guaranteed you infinity, okay? Some of us—while you’ve been putting shit off—have
actually been living like any day we could get hit by a bus. Some of us have actually been doing shit. I come in here every day and sit with
her. Every day. And you don’t because you think you don’t
need to, because you think one day she’ll wake up and everything will go back
to normal and it’s not going to happen.
There is no more normal. Because
the truth is, yes, a comet’s coming, and we’re all screwed, but that comet hit
Mom two years ago. Her ‘End of World’
night already happened, and we’ve just been keeping her in limbo ever
since. I think it’s time—or fair, or
whatever—that we give her the opportunity to…Rejoin the world. Even if it’s for a little while.
(A
beat.)
TRENTON
I’ll do it.
HOWARD
What?
TRENTON
I’ll, uh…yeah, I’ll do it.
HOWARD
You don’t have to—
TRENTON
I’m the older brother. I’m the first son. I’ve known her for longer. I should be the one to do it.
HOWARD
Do you even know how to—
TRENTON
Pull stuff out until everything
starts beeping. Then…wait for beeping to
stop.
HOWARD
I should be in there with you.
TRENTON
No, it’s—it’s like you said. You’ve been here every day. It’s my turn.
You can come in and say good-bye if you want, but…no point in two sons
seeing their mom die.
HOWARD
I said my good-byes before you got
here.
TRENTON
Okay.
HOWARD
You know, I lectured you and
everything, but the truth is—I kinda wanted—or thought, or…I thought maybe we
had more time too. I had hoped so,
anyway. Maybe that makes me…
TRENTON
Are you looking for a hug? Is that what this is?
(HOWARD
laughs.)
HOWARD
My God, you’re an asshole.
TRENTON
Hey, if everybody starts getting
sappy, the end of the world is going to look like a Folger’s coffee commercial.
HOWARD
So.
TRENTON
So, I better do this, huh?
HOWARD
The trick is not to feel guilty.
TRENTON
How do you do that?
HOWARD
Hell if I know.
TRENTON
Great.
HOWARD
Can we still go to the beach
afterwards?
TRENTON
Yeah, why not? I could use a doughboy.
HOWARD
I bet you would have been really
great in that play.
TRENTON
So, when this loose behaviour I throw off,
And pay the debt I never promised,
By how much better than my word I am,
By so much shall I falsify men's hopes;
And, like bright metal on a sullen ground,
My reformation, glittering o'er my fault,
Shall show more goodly, and attract more eyes,
Than that which hath no foil to set it off.
And pay the debt I never promised,
By how much better than my word I am,
By so much shall I falsify men's hopes;
And, like bright metal on a sullen ground,
My reformation, glittering o'er my fault,
Shall show more goodly, and attract more eyes,
Than that which hath no foil to set it off.
I hope the comet hits before he
gets to do that speech.
HOWARD
Fingers crossed.
TRENTON
Be right back.
(TRENTON
exits. HOWARD sits. He lets out a breath. Lights.)
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