Emo Boy and the Manger Scene

So you're like...a virgin and stuff...right?

I was a virgin last month
But now everybody's a virgin
So, like, why?

Like, all these people
Who never used to be virgins
Are all like--No, I'm totally a virgin now
And I'm like--Not if you weren't before
And they're like--Spiritually I am
And I mean, I respect that
Because I'm a spiritual being
Who accepts people as they are
But also, I'm filled with hatred for them
Because they're liars and frauds
So...you know...

So like, how did you get this job?
I got to be Shepherd Two because my uncle knows a guy
And I needed the money
So like, whatever, but--

I'm not really into organized religion
Because I feel like my soul is a poem
I haven't finished writing yet
So how can somebody else read it, you know?
But, like, Jesus seems like he would have been
A really cute baby

And, like, you're cute and you're his mom
So that makes sense

That they would hire you, I mean
To be his Mom
And, like, even though he's a doll
Made in China
By starving children
And I feel bad even looking at him
Because I'm only perpetuating the oppression of others
I sort of feel like he has my nose

So like, basically, we make a really good couple

Do you want to, like, go to a concert with me sometime?

We can go see this Pat Boone cover band I like
Pat Boone cover bands are really in now
I'm not sure who Pat Boone was
But I think he might have been a Mexican troubadour
And his music is the voice
Of a naked people

Naked as in like their hopes and dreams
But also maybe as in like really naked
Because they're super poor and stuff

My cousin went to Mexico on Spring Break
And he said on the way to the resort
He saw like a ton of poor people
And it was really life-changing

Then he went on the water slide

So...

I heard you saying you, like
Don't have anywhere to go for Christmas,
Because you can't afford a plane ticket home
And, um...

My Mom, like, loves Christmas
Like so much
Because, she's, you know, the worst

But, like, she makes this huge dinner every year
And my house is, like, I mean, there's room, you know
For extra people to, like--

So if you wanted to stay at my house for Christmas
That would be, like, totally fine
Like, I kind of already asked my mom
And she was like, 'You're bringing a girl home for Christmas?'
And I was like, 'Maybe'
And she was like, 'You're not gay?'
And I was like, 'Oh my god, eye-liner is gender ambiguous'
But whatever

So...do you wanna...?

Okay

Okay, cool

Cool

Yeah

Okay

Cool

Yeah

Definitely

Rad

Yeah

Rad

Cool

Awesome

Well, I mean, not...but yeah
Okay
Cool
Yeah
Okay

So this Christmas might not suck after all
I mean, it'll still be corporate and materialistic
And my mom refuses to buy turkeys
Who died of old age instead of being cruelly butchered
At one of the turkey deathmills
But at least I'll have somebody to chill with
And that'll be cool

Eh, don't mention it
Like, I said, we have room

It's Christmas, right?

There's always room
On Christmas