Yes, Tony Hooper, There is a Santa Claus

Hi, my name is Tony Hooper
And I'm in the seventh grade

This is my paper on the myth of Santa Claus
Or, 'The Trick of Saint Nick: An Expose'

At least, that's what I thought it was going to be called
Until last night

I'll explain--

First of all, my whole family was at the mall
So my brother and sister could get their pictures taken with Santa

I was making fun of my brother Harry
Because he's too old for all that

I didn't even want to be standing in line
Waiting for a picture with Santa

I wanted to be at the movies with my friends
Seeing Jar of Death

Once you open the jar, death opens you!

But my Mom says Christmas isn't the time
For violent movies

(I guess she's never seen Blood on the Naughty List)

That's my first of all

'Harry's not too old for Santa,' said my Dad
'He's in the fifth grade,' I said, 'That's too old to still be believing in Santa.'
'You mean you don't believe in Santa,' my Dad asked me

'Aw, c'mon Dad,' I said, 'Last year I had to help you wrap half my presents because you waited to the last minute and Mom fell asleep on the ribbon pile.'

'Tony,' my Dad said, 'Santa isn't just about presents.'

But before he could say anything else
It was our turn with Santa

When it was time to take the photo
The same thing happened
That happens every year

My little sister Tina cried a lot
And Harry whispered something in Santa's ear
That made his eyes go real wide

'What did you say to him,' I asked my brother in the car on the way home
'I told him this would be the year I'd catch him coming down the chimney,' said Harry, 'I said, 'I'll be waiting, Big Man.  I'll be waiting.'

And my Mom wonders why I sleep
With one eye open

That's my second of all

On Christmas Eve, I was Skyping with Fat Pants
And Tony Mars

We're planning a Spring Break Trip for next year
When we're in 8th Grade

We're thinking of going somewhere exotic
Tony Mars' Uncle has a house in West Warwick
And he says his uncle keeps a fridge full of ice cream
And an energy drink called Rage Fist

Then my Dad knocked on my door
'Hey old man,' he said, 'You want to go sledding?'

Now, I may be in seventh grade
And I may be way more mature than every other kid I know
But you're never too old
To go sledding with your Dad on Christmas Eve

We left our house
And walked all the way to Greenview Park
To the highest hill in the whole city

Nosedive Hill

My Mom usually never lets me sled down this hill
Because she says it's too dangerous
But Dad said what my Mom doesn't know won't hurt her

He said the same thing about us eating chili dogs after midnight
And it may not have hurt my Mom
But it sure didn't do us any good

Once we were at the top of the hill
We could see the whole neighborhood
With all the Christmas lights
On all the different houses

'You know,' my Dad said, 'If we stay up here, we might be able to see Santa arrive.'
'Oh come on, Dad,' I said, 'You know I don't believe in Santa.'
'Well why don't we see if I can change your mind about that,' said my Dad

He pulled a pair of binoculars
From underneath his coat

'Those are Papa Hooper's," I said
'Yup,' he said, 'Now take a look.'
'A look at what,' I asked

So he had me hold the binoculars up against my eyes
And then he pointed me where he thought I should look

'You see the Gardner's house?  Their son Chris is home from college, and he and Mrs. Gardner are staying up late talking because this year was the first time he's been away from home.  And that's the Richards house, where Mrs. Richards just found out she's going to have another baby, so Matt and Natalie are going to have a baby brother or sister.  Then there's the Stovall house where Mr. Stovall's kids all surprised him by showing up for Christmas because Mrs. Stovall passed away last year and they didn't want him to be alone for the holiday.  See how all the kids and grandkids are sleeping on the couch and the floor and wherever else there's room.  I bet this is the only time Mr. Stovall's smiled since he lost his wife.'

Mrs. Stovall was a real nice lady
She used to give me a nickel and tell me
Not to spend it all in one place

I don't know what place has something
That only costs a nickel
But if you find it
Let me know

'Tony,' my Dad said, 'Your Mom and I might buy you presents, but there's going to come a day where presents won't be what you like about Christmas.'
'You mean one day you'll just give me cash?'
'No, I mean, one day you'll see that all this other stuff is what makes Christmas so special.  It's the stuff even Mom and Dad's can't give you.  Seeing your kid all grown up for the first time.  Finding out you're going to have another kid in your family.  Having an empty house suddenly fill up with all the people you love.  It's magic--it really is.  And if it doesn't come from me or Mom, then I guess it's gotta come from somewhere, right?'

And that's when I thought I heard sleighbells

'Dad...'

But it was just the leash on the dog
The security guard who watches the park has

He looked up at Nosedive Hill
And saw two guys with binoculars
And the next thing you know
My Dad's trying to convince him
Not to send us to jail
On Christmas Eve

Lucky for us, the security guard was full of Christmas spirit
And my Dad made sure his pocket was full of two twenties

The guard even let us sled down the hill
And it was pretty awesome

Maybe there will be a day when I'm too old
To believe in Santa
Or look forward to Christmas
Or get lots of presents

But I hope I'm never too old
To go sledding down Nosedive Hill with my Dad

And that's my report
On Santa Claus

Oh, and one more thing

As we were going down the hill
And the view of the neighborhood
Went out of sight

I yelled out--

Merry Christmas to all
And to all
A good night