Ace

I checked your Facebook
To see if you were awake

I guess...you're not

I miss you at all the wrong times

I ask you questions
When you're not even in the room with me
When we haven't even talked for...

I ask you questions
I already know the answers to

And I wonder why I didn't have the answers
When they would have done me some good

I have dreams where...
Where I show up at--wherever you are
And I say the right things
And I'm, you know, inspirational
And it's raining
And I'm standing in the rain
And you say 'Come inside'
And I do
And then the door closes behind me and...

And that's it

I even get shut out of my own fantasy

Remember the last thing you asked me?

We were in New Orleans
And I was drunk and sick on a street corner somewhere
Nowhere near the hotel we were staying in
And I had my head down
And I was, like, a million percent sure
That I was going to throw up
And then keep throwing up forever
And so I was crying and yelling at you
At the same time

Like, yelling at you to do something
And--I mean, I don't know what the fuck I thought you were going to do
I think I actually begged you to just kill me at one point
Because I'm such a pussy when I'm drunk
And you sat down next to me
On that street corner
And you waited for, like, the drool to fall out of my mouth
And my gasping and swearing and, just, bitching to, you know, pause for a second
And then you asked me, you said--

'Ace, how long are we going to do this?'

And I was, like, belligerent and mad and all--

'What the fuck does that mean?  What does that even mean?'

And I kept yelling at you
And--and--when I imagine this
I hear you sigh

Like, I actually hear you sigh
And then you get up, like you did
I remember that
You get up
And you walk away

And isn't it funny that in that moment
That moment that--that in that moment
I thought the whole thing was just--
You walking away from me
To go back to the hotel
And pass out

I didn't know you were like--
Walking away walking away

And now when I think back on it
I see it as, like, your liberation
Like, it's this great thing for you
There's, like, a swell of music
As you stand up
And the camera's on you
And you're sort of half-smiling
As I keep ranting and raving on the corner
And the audience is cheering you on
And I'm just the asshole you finally got rid of
And everybody in the movie theater is like--

Thank god he finally got rid of that asshole

And that's how I perceive my own history now
I'm, like, the asshole in somebody else's movie

And I'm thinking about all this
And I really want to tell you about it
But I just checked Facebook and you're not awake
Or you are awake but you're not on Facebook
So it's the same thing really and...

I went back, last year
To New Orleans
And, uh, I didn't--I did not get drunk
Oh, I still get drunk, like, when I'm home
This isn't a, a--like a--'I'm sober now' story
This isn't that, but--

I found that street corner
I did--took me forever
But as soon as I saw it, it was like--

I mean, how do you forget the street corner
Where your fucking life imploded
And you were too dumb to not even notice?

I mean, I was plastered, but I wasn't that plastered

Anyway, um, I sat there
In the spot, I think, in the spot where you sat
And I just looked over
And pretended to see me
Old me
Drunk and crying and cursing and being a bitch
And I said--

'Ace, how long are we going to do this?'

And I waited, like, almost for an answer, you know?
Because now--Now that it does me no good?
Now--I have the answers

But I still didn't have this one

Not this one, not yet

...But, you know...at least this time?

At least this time the person getting up
And walking away from me?

Was me