Leaving Rhode Island: Brooklyn

Of course I'm not going back
What's to go back to?
I have tomatoes here
I have planted tomatoes
And they can't--

You can't just--uproot them
Ha!--No, but really, you can't
I mean, you might be able to, I don't know
I don't read up on this stuff
I'm not a gardener who reads
I'm a gardener who gardens

Which--

By the way, did you see the painting in the hallway?

Isn't it gorgeous?

This young man comes in--once, twice a week
Cleans the place
Because, you know, dust--everywhere
And it's not that I'm powerless to stop it
The dust
But a three-story house in Brooklyn, it's--

...I get tired

Isn't that a shameful admission?

I get tired

You get old and you get tired
And then you talk about how tired you are
Because it's this new thing to you
Because you were never tired when you were younger
And now you're tired
And you think it must be some new thing
That'll disappear eventually
As long as you keep talking about it
But it doesn't

It doesn't go away

So I'm tired
So I have a boy
A man, a young man
Who cleans the house
Funny thing--men cleaning houses
But he likes it
And he likes to paint
So he made me that painting
I tried giving him money
He says--you already give me money
I said, I know but it's beautiful
And he said--Beautiful things should be free
And I thought--God, you're young
You're so--ha--young
But I took it, I'm not an idiot
I don't turn down gifts
My mother would--
Anyway, I gave him some tomatoes

When they kicked me out of Rhode Island, I thought--

Well, I'm used to this

Got kicked out of Georgia when I was seventeen for being gay
Got kicked out of a commune when I was twenty for being loud--because I didn't like sharing, because I was too political--too political for a commune, can you stand it?

I got kicked out of a relationship because I was an idiot
Just an idiot, no other way to say it

Anyway, he was older
Kicked me out of his house
When he arrived home early from work one day
And found me with the maid

Yes, the maid
I was...adventurous back then

I got kicked out of clubs and bars because I used to drink too much and start fights
That was the 70's...and the 80's...and 1991

I got kicked out of my marriage
Because my husband didn't like
That I kicked the drinking

He said if I loved him
I never would have gotten sober
I said 'This may be one of those times
When I need to love myself more'

He packed the bag for me
He was nice
He was a nice drunk
Believe it or not, they do exist
And they're hard to argue with
Because they're so damn nice

I got kicked out of my niece's graduation
Because my sister's husband and I argued
He called me...a name
I called him...several names
And they asked me to leave

That was the last time I got kicked out of anything
Until I got the letter from the state

I thought...

Well...

Maybe it's a sign

Because when something that awful to you happens
Seeing it as a sign is the only way you don't lose your mind

So I moved to Brooklyn, because...Why not?
Too old for Manhattan, too young for Long Island
But Brooklyn I could do

I started a life here--a whole life
And I was careful
Because I didn't want to get kicked out
Of the life I'd created for myself
Not again

You know, when you're younger
You kind of get a kick out of burning the bridge behind you
Just to see it burn

But one day you wake up
And you're on an island
With no way off

That letter...it might as well have been a ticket
Saying, 'Here you go.  Here's a plane ride off the island.
Don't botch it up this time.'

Now here I am

Tomatoes and art my houseboy makes me

It's not the most exciting life
But I wake up everyday knowing it's going to be here for me
When I open my eyes

And that is...of value, to me
Great value knowing--
That even I can't screw this up

So no, I'm not going back

You ever get a look at the Brooklyn Bridge?
At night
Between eight and nine
On a Saturday night
When everybody's heading out to dance and drink
And make a million mistakes?

It's gorgeous, baby

Oh God, is it grand