DJ D: Welcome back to the five people who are still listening to the radio. Probably at the doctor's office.
DJ E: Shout-out to the doctor's office!
DJ D: Before we play that song we played five minutes ago three more times, we're going to remind you that both DJ E and myself--DJ D--will be at Max's Hardware store this Saturday from 10 - 2 giving away DVD's of a movie you can stream on Netflix, keychains, and Grandpa Nick's Pizzeria coupons all--day--long!
DJ E: Mmm I love me some pizza!
DJ D: You think they'll give us extra pepperoni?
DJ E: We can ask!
DJ D: Maybe I'll ask.
DJ E: You're so crazy, DJ D!
DJ D: I know, I'm the crazy one. You're the sweet one. That's what makes this show tick.
DJ E: (Laughs.) I love my kids.
DJ D: Anybody see that show last night that I can't stay up and watch because I have to be here at 5am?
DJ E: I hear people were upset about that thing that happened.
DJ D: Controversy?
DJ E: Controversy.
DJ E: Controversy.
DJ D: Oooooooh Twitter.
DJ E: Lots of Twitter.
DJ D: And Instagram.
DJ E: Snapchat!
DJ D: People are mad.
DJ E: Real people or people on Twitter?
DJ D: Do real people still exist?
DJ E: I don't know. I've been stuck in this windowless room with you for over ten years now.
DJ D: Didn't they used to replace DJ's all the time?
DJ E: Yeah, back when it mattered.
DJ D: Here's to being irrelevant! Where's my airhorn?
DJ E: I hid it from you after you gave me permanent hearing loss when the Patriots won.
DJ D: Go Pats! Go local teams! How 'bout them sports?
DJ E: I can't watch anything that airs after 4pm, and yet, we're expected to have all these thoughts on pop culture and current events. This entire medium deserves to go extinct.
DJ D: Speaking of going extinct, the Internet is telling me somebody put a dinosaur balloon in their yard and nobody knows why! Isn't that wacky?
DJ E: Sure is, DJ D. Sure is.
DJ D: That brings us to random facts from scientific studies that probably aren't legit.
DJ E: Then why are we--
DJ D: A recent study--
DJ E: You know John Oliver did a whole thing on how these studies are actually harmful to--
DJ D: --Found that heroin isn't that bad for you!
DJ E: I don't think that's true, DJ D.
DJ D: All I know is that it's an interesting fact we can joke about for two minutes, which is important because we're here for six hours a day doing nothing but talking and playing the same four songs over and over again.
DJ E: Good point. Heroin, huh? Maybe I should try some of that.
DJ D: DJ E! You're the sweet one. I'm the crazy one.
DJ E: You're right, DJ D. Maybe YOU should try some of that.
DJ D: Maybe I already have!
DJ E: You're so crazy!
DJ D: Did you hear those two celebrities broke up?
DJ E: I did--just now. You just told me. Darn, really loved those two.
DJ E: I did--just now. You just told me. Darn, really loved those two.
DJ D: This is that celebrity guy's fifth break-up in a year.
DJ E: Wow, and I really loved all four of the other girls he was with and this girl. Hahahaha I have no opinions that might rock the boat whatsoever.
DJ D: Save those for the afternoon ride home, am I right?
DJ E: Hahahahaha I just want to think things.
DJ D: Don't we all. Remember, in an hour, we're prank calling a guy who does furnace repair!
DJ E: Why are we doing that?
DJ D: Because it's that or interviewing that new K-Pop band that's coming to the event center.
DJ E: Furnace prank it is!
DJ D: By the way, call in right now if you want to win two tickets to see Train at the City Garden Show this Sunday!
DJ E: We've been trying to give these tickets away for days and nobody wants them.
DJ D: We would throw in some cash, but Spotify has murdered our entire industry, so at this point, we're pretty much working for free.
DJ E: I work nights at the Sonic near the pharmaceutical facility just to make my rent every month.
DJ D: That reminds me, tomorrow we're broadcasting all day from the new CVS on Lincoln Street. We'll be giving out samples of FDA unapproved medication and playing the same four songs we've been playing for the past six months.
DJ E: And DJ Missy Miss might stop by!
DJ D: I thought she was still clinically depressed?
DJ E: She is, but she heard about the free meds, and she's going to come check it out, because we don't get--whaaaat?
DJ E and DJ D: HEALTH INSURANCE!
DJ D: Later this hour, we're going to spend forty-five minutes talking about The Bachelor then see what color paint dries faster--blue or red.
DJ E: Can I leave before then?
DJ D: You cannot!
DJ E: Since it's throwback Thursday, can we at least play a song that isn't one of the four songs we've been playing on a loop all day?
DJ D: Sure. Just make sure it isn't from anybody who's now considered problematic.
DJ E: Cee Lo Green?
DJ D: No.
DJ E: Ignition Remix?
DJ D: Nope.
DJ E: Can I play something by Michael Jackson?
DJ D: You are INSANE today, DJ E!
DJ E: I'm really just tired.
DJ D: You know what might wake you up? A coffee from our good friends at Todd's Coffee.
DJ E: Can't we have Starbucks instead?
DJ D: No, we're going to have a cup of joe from OUR SPONSOR Todd's Coffee.
DJ E: Didn't they close after the e coli outbreak?
DJ D: They were, but now they're back, annnnnd they've got burritos now.
DJ E: Why would a coffee place sell burritos?
DJ D: I need you to GET ON MY PAGE, DJ E. We are on this roller coaster of horror together, so please, STICK WITH ME.
DJ E: Maybe we should take some calls.
DJ D: We don't have any calls.
DJ E: Are we sure we still have listeners? My friend just texted me to say she's at her doctor's office, and they have Apple Music now, so she's listening to some jazz. Maybe we could play some jazz?
DJ D: No, we're going to play whatever song Ariana Grande wants us to.
DJ E: Is it good?
DJ D: It doesn't matter!
DJ E: Can we go to traffic so I can use the restroom?
DJ D: The traffic reporter works at Traffic.com now.
DJ E: There's a Traffic.com?
DJ D: Of course there is! Who do you think is rebooting Tales of the Crypt?
DJ E: What does Tales of the Crypt have to do with traffic?
DJ D: What did a meth-dealing high school teacher have to do with classic movies? Branding is a construct. Time is a lie. Is it Thursday or the day I can finally retire with a quarter of my paycheck?
DJ E: Is it time to play the four songs again?
DJ D: It is! And when we come back, we'll check in with our friends over at the Franzen Ave Burger King to see if, like, anything is happening there. Anything at all.
DJ E: Are our microphones even on?
DJ D: Who knows, DJ E? Who knows?
(Shawn Mendes plays.)
The End
DJ E: Hahahahaha I just want to think things.
DJ D: Don't we all. Remember, in an hour, we're prank calling a guy who does furnace repair!
DJ E: Why are we doing that?
DJ D: Because it's that or interviewing that new K-Pop band that's coming to the event center.
DJ E: Furnace prank it is!
DJ D: By the way, call in right now if you want to win two tickets to see Train at the City Garden Show this Sunday!
DJ E: We've been trying to give these tickets away for days and nobody wants them.
DJ D: We would throw in some cash, but Spotify has murdered our entire industry, so at this point, we're pretty much working for free.
DJ E: I work nights at the Sonic near the pharmaceutical facility just to make my rent every month.
DJ D: That reminds me, tomorrow we're broadcasting all day from the new CVS on Lincoln Street. We'll be giving out samples of FDA unapproved medication and playing the same four songs we've been playing for the past six months.
DJ E: And DJ Missy Miss might stop by!
DJ D: I thought she was still clinically depressed?
DJ E: She is, but she heard about the free meds, and she's going to come check it out, because we don't get--whaaaat?
DJ E and DJ D: HEALTH INSURANCE!
DJ D: Later this hour, we're going to spend forty-five minutes talking about The Bachelor then see what color paint dries faster--blue or red.
DJ E: Can I leave before then?
DJ D: You cannot!
DJ E: Since it's throwback Thursday, can we at least play a song that isn't one of the four songs we've been playing on a loop all day?
DJ D: Sure. Just make sure it isn't from anybody who's now considered problematic.
DJ E: Cee Lo Green?
DJ D: No.
DJ E: Ignition Remix?
DJ D: Nope.
DJ E: Can I play something by Michael Jackson?
DJ D: You are INSANE today, DJ E!
DJ E: I'm really just tired.
DJ D: You know what might wake you up? A coffee from our good friends at Todd's Coffee.
DJ E: Can't we have Starbucks instead?
DJ D: No, we're going to have a cup of joe from OUR SPONSOR Todd's Coffee.
DJ E: Didn't they close after the e coli outbreak?
DJ D: They were, but now they're back, annnnnd they've got burritos now.
DJ E: Why would a coffee place sell burritos?
DJ D: I need you to GET ON MY PAGE, DJ E. We are on this roller coaster of horror together, so please, STICK WITH ME.
DJ E: Maybe we should take some calls.
DJ D: We don't have any calls.
DJ E: Are we sure we still have listeners? My friend just texted me to say she's at her doctor's office, and they have Apple Music now, so she's listening to some jazz. Maybe we could play some jazz?
DJ D: No, we're going to play whatever song Ariana Grande wants us to.
DJ E: Is it good?
DJ D: It doesn't matter!
DJ E: Can we go to traffic so I can use the restroom?
DJ D: The traffic reporter works at Traffic.com now.
DJ E: There's a Traffic.com?
DJ D: Of course there is! Who do you think is rebooting Tales of the Crypt?
DJ E: What does Tales of the Crypt have to do with traffic?
DJ D: What did a meth-dealing high school teacher have to do with classic movies? Branding is a construct. Time is a lie. Is it Thursday or the day I can finally retire with a quarter of my paycheck?
DJ E: Is it time to play the four songs again?
DJ D: It is! And when we come back, we'll check in with our friends over at the Franzen Ave Burger King to see if, like, anything is happening there. Anything at all.
DJ E: Are our microphones even on?
DJ D: Who knows, DJ E? Who knows?
(Shawn Mendes plays.)
The End
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