Perverts Up and Down the Street

Ever since it got hot out

Everybody in the neighborhood

Has their windows open

And I--

I should tell you

That usually I put the air on

I like the air

I don’t like fresh air

You know what fresh air has?

Bugs

Bugs and disease

Growing up, you put the air on

My mother would scream at you

Like you set the house on fire

You opened the windows

And let the fresh air in

You know what got in?

Bugs and disease

And heat

Notice they don’t call it ‘cool’ air

They call it ‘fresh’ air

Because nobody claims

It cools anything down

It’s just something your mother did

Because she didn’t want

To turn on the a/c

So I grow up

I get my own house

We have the central air

I’m excited

First summer comes around
I turn on the air

Everything is wonderful

This year

The air breaks

I see the bill to fix the air

I think ‘You know what?

Maybe my mother was onto something’

I open the windows

Now, I live in a nice neighborhood

With nice people

Or so I thought

Do you have any idea

The kind of things I’m hearing

Every day

With these windows open?

You got all these people home now

Because nobody works anymore

Or if they do

They work from home

Or they work at night
I don’t know

It’s none of my business

But it is the middle of the day

And I am hearing things

I do not need to be hearing

Perverts up and down the street

Now I love my neighbors

I’ve never met them

But I see them sometimes

When I’m out

Walking the cat

Because she gets anxious

And you would think

I was living in a skin flick

The way these people carry on

Now at night

Would I say anything?

No

You want to have some fun

After six pm

That’s up to you

That’s why no matter how hot it is
I close my windows

At night

And I sweat

And I cry

And I pass out

But I don’t want my neighbors

Hearing my husband yelling

While he’s watching old basketball games

From the eighties

They don’t need to hear that

But during the day

I keep my windows open

And I keep my family quiet

Because nobody wants to be

That house on the street

Where you know all their business

Because they leave their windows open
And then put on a show for everybody

Except now I’m the only quiet house

On the street

And everybody else

Is acting out Boogie Nights

As soon as the sun comes up

Can you tell me

What has gotten into people?

Did somebody sprinkle

Angel dust

All over everything

And I missed my dose?

It is unbearable

And it’s not even July yet

It’s got me yearning for fireworks

And I hate fireworks

The cat has a panic attack

If you so much as set off a sparkler

But this year

I’m putting a Xanax

In her tuna

And I’m saying ‘Let ‘em rip’

Because at least that kind of noise

Doesn’t have my fifteen-year-old

Giggling like a maniac everyday

It’s out of control

Strangely enough

I opened my windows the other night

Because I couldn’t take the humidity

And it was quiet as all get-out

You could hear a pin drop

Not a sound

In the neighborhood

Well, I guess after doing

What they were doing all day

They must have needed

A good night’s sleep