The Organ Donor's Funeral

I went to her funeral

Even though my wife

Thought it was morbid

My wife thought it was morbid

And I told her I can handle morbid

And she was like, ‘Jess’

And I said, ‘I know, okay, I know’

But she knew I was going

To that funeral

You’re not really supposed to know

About the funeral

Of the person

Who is responsible

For saving your daughter’s life

Because all of that

Is kept pretty secretive

Probably so that you don’t do

Something stupid

Like show up at the person’s funeral

But, uh…

The nurse at the hospital

We got very close

While she was taking care

Of my daughter

And she, uh, pulled me aside

And said--told me, sorry--

She told me

She knew the name

Of my daughter’s organ donor

And did I want to know?

Uh

I said, I did

I did want to know

I didn’t hesitate

I said, ‘Yes’

‘I want to know’

But once I knew

It wasn’t hard, uh,

It wasn’t hard to--

To find out

Who this person was

And, uh, that there was a funeral

And I told my wife

What I had discovered

And she thought the whole thing
Was a really bad idea

And I didn’t disagree

But there I am

At the funeral

And, um, there’s nothing--

There’s nothing nice

About funerals

But something, uh,

You know--

About funerals

Is that you can be

Pretty anonymous

At them

When there’s a wake

You go down the line

You shake some hands

You say you’re sorry

Nobody knows who you are

But people know so many people

And nobody expects

That they don’t know everybody

Their loved one knew

So they don’t question it

And they’re in a haze, right?

Because they’re going through
This catastrophic thing

In their life

So you shake the hands

You sit down

The religious whoever

Comes in

And says a few words

And then off everybody goes

To the cemetery

And they say ‘Only family at this point’

So that’s the end of the line for you

Can I tell you something?

I thought it would be meaningful, uh--

Going to the funeral

Of the, uh, woman

Who gave my daughter

This thing that is going to allow her

To keep living

I thought…

I thought it would be, to be honest,

I thought--more than meaningful

I thought...momentous

And, uh…

It’s possible that if I could have said ‘Thank you’

It would have been momentous

It’s possible if I could have said who I was

It would have…

But it also might have gone

Really wrong

So…

I just sat there

Not sure what to do

Not sure why I was there

Just feeling like this person

This person just gave me…

Everything

Because my daughter

Is...everything

And I thought somebody

Me, I thought I--

Should be there

To, in some way,

Witness

This person’s, uh…

I don’t know

This thing that happens

This, uh--

Giving life to someone

Literally

This giving of life

Is something that was--

Really, uh, not possible to us

As humans

As people

For thousands--

For, uh, all of time, right?

Until very recently

Now we can, uh,

Give another person

This remarkable gift

And, uh, so--

I don’t know if we,

Or at least me,

I don’t know if I

Am able

Was able

To be there

At that moment

And find a way

To exist in it

In a way that

Made sense

To me

But I still wanted to be there

I still wanted

To exist in that moment

For…

For…

Yeah

I didn’t have the words then

I still don’t have them now

When I tell my wife that

She says--

That means maybe

There are no words?

And she might be right

You know, she’s…

She’s probably

Right