A Mad Tea Party

Look, Australia's a done deal
And I didn't want to tell you
Because I knew that you--
That we--

Uh--
That this whole time
There was this sort of...hope
That, you know, New York wasn't impossible

That you have your job in Boston
And I'm in Manhattan
And somehow we were going to kind of
Drift towards each other
Or something
But honestly
Was that even realistically going to happen
Or were we just saying that to make those two-second weekend visits
Not suck so much?

I put in for Australia
And I got it
And I'm taking it
And I did it
Knowing that if it happened
That you couldn't come with me
And that doesn't mean I don't love you
It just means I can't keep--and I don't think either of us should--
Keep our lives on hold
For each other
Which is what's happening right now
So I--I don't know--made a break for it, I guess?

I want you to come with me
I would love it
Not just because I love you
But because sometimes it seems like
All I'm going to do for the rest of my life is move
And it would be really nice to have someone actually move with me
But how do you ask someone to do that
How do you ask someone to be your personal traveling cheerleader?

I'm not asking you to do that
I'm just asking you to not flip out and hate me
And create this narrative
Where I left you
Where I walked out
Because we don't even have a place
That's ours
That I can walk out of
And that's just the truth, isn't it?

...It's not just you, you know?

You think I'm going to be one of those people
Who's okay with seeing their family once a year?

You think I don't want to watch my little sister grow up?
You think I'm not aware of the fact
That my mom is rapidly approaching sixty
And my grandmother only lived to be sixty-six?

I think about all these things
But, you know, we live in this world
That's like one big mad tea party

You get settled
You get comfortable
You relax
And suddenly somebody's pushing you down
To another chair
A fresh cup
A new life

And everybody that had anything to do with
What happened before
Is just...

You have to make a choice

I had to...

I chose to start again, you know?

Because this...

This can't be it

You, you could be it
I want you to be it
But I can't take you
And not the...the...

The situation

The rules

What it would mean if...

If I stayed
Where I am

What that would mean

So, you know, yeah
I applied
And it's going to happen

And if you want to start over too
I say 'C'mon, let's do this'
Let's do this together

And if not...

Then this is...

I love you

But if you're all that's keeping me here...

It's not enough
It's not that you're not...
But it's...

It's not enough

Nobody could be enough

My career
My creativity
What makes me want to get up everyday
And do something

Versus what?

One person?

It's crazy, you know?

It's just like that mad tea party

I look at you
And I'm so in love
And then it's time to move, you know?

I guess it's just...time