Coffee's Always On

                (A front door.  3am.  ANNE opens the door to reveal MARK.)

ANNE:  Mark?

MARK:  Hey Anne.

ANNE:  Uh, what are you—it is Mark, right?

MARK:  Yeah, Karen’s cousin.

ANNE:  Right, I—is Karen okay?

MARK:  Oh yeah, she’s great.  I think.  We haven’t talked in a couple of months.

ANNE:  So—I’m a little confused.

MARK:  Oh?

ANNE:  Yes, uh, why, um—why are you here?

MARK:  Well, I saw what you posted on Facebook.

ANNE:  On Facebook?

MARK:  Yeah.

ANNE:  You mean that thing about my brother’s birthday party?  That was two days ago, and he’s fine now.  He just spent the night on my couch because he got food poisoning from the salmon.

MARK:  No, the thing about your door always being open.

ANNE:  What?

MARK:  You know, ‘My door is always open.  My house is safe.  There’s coffee.’

ANNE:  Oh, that was—my friend Natalie posted that, you remember Natalie?

MARK:  The one who dated Tim?

ANNE:  No, the one who dated—oh wait, did she date Tim?

MARK:  I think she did.

ANNE:  See now I’m—you’re right.  She did.  Anyway, she posted that—that thing.  Was it a meme?

MARK:  It wasn’t really a—

ANNE:  Anyway, she posted it and I just reposted it.

MARK:  Oh.  So…your door really isn’t always open.

ANNE:  I mean—it is.  You know—

MARK:  But not now?

ANNE:  Well, it is open now, but, you know—

MARK:  Yeah?

ANNE:  Not for long, because—

MARK:  Oh.

ANNE:  Because it’s 3am, Mark.

MARK:  Right, but see, the word ‘always’ usually means—

ANNE:  I know what ‘always’ means—

MARK:  See, I don’t think you actually—

ANNE:  But yeah, I mean, I’m here for y—people.  For people.  If they want to talk or whatever.

MARK:  Well, I’m people and I want to talk.

ANNE:  Okay, uh, but we don’t—we don’t actually know each other.

MARK:  We’re friends though.

ANNE:  We’re not friends.

MARK:  We’re Facebook friends.

ANNE:  That’s not—

MARK:  So your door isn’t always open and you’re not friends with people you say you’re friends with—is that what you’re saying?

ANNE:  Are you okay, Mark?

MARK:  I mean, I’ve been better.

ANNE:  Well, we’ve all been better.

MARK:  Look, I’m happy to listen to you too.

ANNE:  Why don’t you try talking to someone that, you know, you actually—know?

MARK:  Because you posted that thing—

ANNE:  I reposted it.  I didn’t write it or anything.

MARK:  But if you didn’t believe it—

ANNE:  I believe it I just don’t believe it in this particular moment.

MARK:  So there’s no coffee?

ANNE:  No, I don’t—I mean, there’s coffee in my cupboard somewhere, but I don’t know if it’s still good.  I mean, it’s been in there since—

MARK:  Coffee doesn’t go bad.

ANNE:  Are you sure about that?

MARK:  Yeah, it’s coffee.

ANNE:  If you want, I can go get it for you and you can take it home with you.

MARK:  No, the point is that it’s on.

ANNE:  What?

MARK:  That it’s on.  The post said ‘The coffee’s always on.’

ANNE:  I didn’t—Mark.

MARK:  I just think this is really deceptive of you.

ANNE: Deceptive?

MARK:  Did somebody twist your arm?

ANNE:  What do you mean?

MARK:  Natalie, did she twist your arm and make you repost that—

ANNE:  I thought it was a nice sentiment.

MARK:  Were you trying to tell people to go to Natalie’s house if they need to talk?

ANNE:  Are you trying to say my house isn’t as nice as Natalie’s house?

MARK:  No, your house is a lot nicer than her’s, why do you think I’m here?

ANNE:  I’m sorry, Mark.  I didn’t—

MARK:  You didn’t think anybody would actually take you up on it?

ANNE:  Not at 3am!

MARK:  So…what if I came back in the morning?

ANNE:  I got my nephew’s birthday party.

MARK:  Tomorrow afternoon?

ANNE:  I have this thing at Pete’s house.

MARK:  Tomorrow night?

ANNE:  Mark, I don’t know you!

MARK:  The post said your table was a place of peace and non-judgment.

ANNE:  Mark, you’re a mess now get the hell off my property before I smack you.

MARK:  You said there was food in the fridge!

ANNE:  All I have is a jar of mustard and two pears.

MARK:  You eat pears?

ANNE:  No, they’ve been in there awhile.  Just like the coffee.

MARK:  God, how do you live like this?

ANNE:  I wasn’t expecting company.

MARK:  Are you hungry?  Do you want to come to my house?

ANNE:  I want to go to bed.

MARK:  Okay, okay.  I’m sorry.  I’m not trying to be a jerk.

ANNE:  If you need to talk to someone, just—I don’t know—find somebody else who posted that thing.  Somebody you know better than me.

MARK:  You seem nicer than everybody I know.

ANNE:  Mark, I just told you I was going to hit you if you didn’t get lost.

MARK:  Still nicer.

                (A beat.)

ANNE:  Can you come back Tuesday?

MARK:  Tuesday?

ANNE:  Yeah, Tuesday.  I go to the market on Tuesday.  I’ll get some coffee and I’ll throw out the pears.

MARK:  You mean it?

ANNE:  Yeah, I guess—I guess I need to put my money where my mouth is, but I’m not putting anything anywhere at 3am, all right?

MARK:  All right.

ANNE:  I can’t believe you really showed up here just because—

MARK:  The thing said it’s no good suffering in silence.

                (A beat.)

ANNE:  Yeah well—that’s true.

MARK:  But yeah, I’ll come back Tuesday.

ANNE:  Okay then.

MARK:  Okay.

                (He starts to leave.)

ANNE:  Hey Mark?

MARK:  Yeah?

ANNE:  You sure you’re alright?

MARK:  Yeah, I’ll be alright.

ANNE:  You sure?

MARK:  Yeah.

ANNE:  You sure you’re sure?

MARK:  I’m sure.

ANNE:  Okay.

MARK:  Thanks for opening the door, Anne.

ANNE:  Yeah well—anytime.

                (A beat.)

Almost.

                The End