It Was Never Going to Work

What I didn't tell you was...

It was never going to work

I don't know what I thought
But I never thought it would work
Not really

For a few years, maybe
Maybe even ten, you know?

Maybe a golden anniversary or two
But not--

Not forever

I didn't think it was going to be forever
I never thought that

Maybe 'cause I don't--

I don't know

I don't really believe in forever, I guess

I guess I believe in next year
And next week
And tomorrow
But forever

How am I supposed to believe in that?

My dad died two days after I was born
My mom gets killed crossing the street when I'm ten
One day I'm eighteen and I don't have anybody
Not anybody left

And I meet you
And you seem like somebody I can hold onto
For the time being
And then a few years go by
And suddenly I'm not happy
And people wanna know
How I got myself into it

How'd I get myself
Into my own unhappiness?

How the hell am I supposed to know, you know?

How was I supposed to know
Six years ago
What was going to make me happy today?

All I know is you made me happy
And then you didn't
And we're standing in the kitchen
And you're asking me
Why it's not working
And I know, you know

I know why

Because I picked you like a blind woman

I felt you in the dark
And I grabbed you
And then the lights came on
And I could feel other stuff there
Other things I could grab onto

Not men, you know
Not guys, just
Things

I still can't see for shit
But I know there's sturdier things out there
For me to lean on

But even back then
Even when I was groping around in the dark
I felt you
And I knew
You weren't going to hold forever

So now you're standing there
Saying--

'It's not working.  It's not working.'

Saying it like you believe
Like you believe
With all your heart
That it could
That it was
That it was going to forever

And I wish I had the guts--

I wish I had it in me
To tell you
That I knew

I knew from day one

I knew
It was never
Going to work