Sully the Cat and the New Baby

The owners had a kitten
Which is nice
You know, for them

I decided a long time ago
That having kittens wasn't for me

My parents were divorced
And it had a really big impact on my psyche

But I'm happy for the owners
Even though we had to have a discussion
About my scratching room now being turned into a nursery

I understand that kittens need somewhere
To sleep and play and vomit
But my scratching time
Is precious to me

It's my eighth birthday next month
And when you get older
You cherish these little routines

The owners may have made the decision
To have their lives disrupted
But I didn't

They've already completely thrown off
My feeding schedule

I used to get fed every day
At seven fifteen
And now I get feed at seven thirty
Because the kitten has to eat first

One day I'm just going to die of starvation
And nobody will even notice
Because the kitten will be doing something fascinating
Like swallowing its own drool
Or discovering that it has elbows

Human kittens are allowed to be much stupider
Than regular kittens

When I was two weeks old
I was expected to walk, bathe myself
And hide my own excrement using nothing but gray sand

The lady owner's mother suggested
That I should be kept away from the kitten
As I might, quote 'bite it'

Bite it?

Do I look like some sort of
In-bred iguana?

I felt like telling her
That her grandson is so fat
Biting him
Would put me off my diet
But I spit up on her foot instead

Sometimes actions
Speak louder than words

Not that the kitten and I
Don't have our moments

Sometimes the owners put him on the floor
And he runs his little hand
Along my stomach

Then I purr
And he claps his hands together
Like I've done a magic trick

And in that moment
I can understand what the little guy's parents
See in him

When someone is so innocent
That even an old cat like me
Can inspire wonder and joy
It is sort of amazing

So I guess I'll accept
That I'm going to have to take part
In helping to raise the kitten

After hearing all the oohing and ahhing
His parents are constantly bombarding him with
It's pretty evident that I'm going to have to be the one
Who teaches him
How to talk