Miriam Slater, Love Don't Cost a Thing

If you’ve been rich

It’s true that being poor

Might be more difficult

I was rich

Now I’m not

It’s not the end of the world

But the world has looked prettier

At least as far as I’m concerned

But my new husband?

He’s a gem

Not a real gem

That would be useful

A gem of a person

Which isn’t worth much

Unless you’re me

And could use a little warmth

A little bit of affection

From someone

You’re not employing

Did you know that these days

Marrying your employees

Is frowned upon?

I had no idea

Not until I lost all my money

And couldn’t afford to employ

Any potential husbands anyway

I know what you’re thinking

Miriam--how did you lose your money?

It’s the wildest story

Just bonkers, truly

A man comes to the door one day

And asks me how I feel

About portable submarines

I said ‘I adore the ocean’

And it’s true

I always have

Nobody loves the Indian Ocean

More than me

The Indian

The Atlantic

The Mediterranean

The Baltic

The Huron

The Michigan

I love ‘em all

So this man comes to the door

And he’s talking about these little submarines

That have wheels on them

Just like cars

And can go right into the ocean

And you can get them in blue or red

Or a nice purple

I asked him if they have purple

And he said ‘Sure’

So then I gave him all my money

Well, not all of it

But most of it

Most of all of it

Wound up penniless

And dollar-less

Which is even worse

Had to move into this tiny apartment

Using the petty cash

I kept hidden behind my wine wall

It’ll be enough to live on

Provided I die by next weekend

But since I’ve always lived

For the moment

I’m used to thinking in terms

Of the here and now

And my husband?

The love of my life?

His little apartment is right next to mine

I got so excited when we met

And I realized he was the one

That I knocked down the wall

Separating our apartments

And while he was screaming

About us not getting something called

‘A security deposit’ back

I made plans for a simple little wedding

Less than three hundred people

And only two entrees

He can afford to splurge a little

He is a polygraph machine technician

And lord knows they make a...living

So now I’m very happy

And I have to say

I deserve it

We can’t all die rich

But we can certainly die in love

And that’s just what I intend on doing

LIke they all say--

Seventh time is a charm

And this time it just has to work

You know, since I can’t exactly

Afford a divorce

Ah, love

Always better

When it’s all

You’ve got